Being laid back is back firing...

Liberty27

I told my maids that they could pick a black satin cocktail dress to wear, but it is causing problems.  I have 6 girls and some of them don't feel comfortable just picking out a dress, some don't care either way, and some don't want to shop without me and live 10 hours away.  I am thinking at this point in time it may just be easier to to tell them which dress to get.  I know none of them have bought dresses yet, so would that make me rude?  I had a mini-meltdown last night and started looking for dresses, what do you think of this one?  Of course I would ask the bm before I made any decisions.

crfische

If I were your bridesmaid, I'd hate it.

But, you know their style better than I do.

FutureMrsDudley55

I don't think it will be rude. I pretty much told my BM's the same thing. Find a cocktail length tangerine dress from DB. Well we all went dress shopping, and they all mutually decided to buy the same dress, which happened to be floor length instead. I was surprised, but I didn't mind at all, and they were perfectly happy to be matching.

Edit: It also matters how your BM are too. Mine were quite laid back and optimistic about the whole thing, so they were willing to do whatever.

Edit 2: I forgot to comment on the dress! I'm not crazy about it, honestly. It is pretty hard to pull off a dress with a collar like that, so you may not get a good reaction from it.

Liberty27

My girls are almost all the same size.  They are all between a size 2 and 6, and are between 5'2 and 5'5 if that helps at all.

[Deleted User]

It is hard to tell from the pic, but I am not sure about the open v neck ruffles on the front. It looks more like an evening dress imo.

I also used DB from my BM's dresses. I had 6, so I took 3 one day and 3 the next. I told them the color bc I had the BM is 2 different colors and they choose the style. I think the dresses came in 3-4 styles depending on the color. They all chose a style they were comfortable in and it was easy peasy.

crfische

It just looks too...busy? for a bridesmaid dress.

But I'm a relatively siimple girl and no matter what size I was I wouldn't ever wear that dress.

fangsiting

I really like that dress and if they have the figures to pull it off, then I don't see any harm in asking what they think of it. 

FutureMrsDudley55

I agree with LVB and Fishy about picking something simpler that flatters everyone.

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-laid-back-back-firing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d52b83ac-3796-45a5-b92e-852412dbd7faPost:ae866637-9fdf-4370-bcb3-2a7f92054890">Re: Being laid back is back firing...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you said satin, but this is the dress all of my BMs ended up picking out. We didn't know it at the time, but the dress comes with straps that can be attached. <a href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cotton-Sateen-Strapless-Dress-withRuching-and-Pockets-83312_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses" rel="nofollow">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cotton-Sateen-Strapless-Dress-withRuching-and-Pockets-83312_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses</a>
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

<div>That is very pretty, I just refuse to use Davids Bridal for anything after the debacle I went through with my wedding gown.</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-laid-back-back-firing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d52b83ac-3796-45a5-b92e-852412dbd7faPost:f7c21911-eb47-4f23-8e42-d2851919a8d7">Re: Being laid back is back firing...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Being laid back is back firing... : That is very pretty, I just refuse to use Davids Bridal for anything after the debacle I went through with my wedding gown.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

What problems did you have? I have heard so many horror stories and was half afraid to get my BM's dresses there, but we didn't have any problems. Can you try a different store if it was the sales staff that was a problem? I have heard that sometimes that helps.

FutureMrsDudley55

What about something like this:
http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=01cb235d-9d96-41f9-8bae-0305d9b5c928&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=1&colorId1=

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-laid-back-back-firing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d52b83ac-3796-45a5-b92e-852412dbd7faPost:64fef19f-87f5-4f15-b5d4-7e284bf46c80">Re: Being laid back is back firing...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Being laid back is back firing... : What problems did you have? I have heard so many horror stories and was half afraid to get my BM's dresses there, but we didn't have any problems. Can you try a different store if it was the sales staff that was a problem? I have heard that sometimes that helps.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Essentially I was lied to, my dress was reordered three times, corporate was double nasty, and I was left in a dressing room in my underwear for 30 minutes.  I am actually in the process of possibly reordering my dress a fourth time because when they sized me they didn't take the alterations I want into consideration.  They were supposed to order a size smaller to allow for a corset back to be put in.</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-laid-back-back-firing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d52b83ac-3796-45a5-b92e-852412dbd7faPost:8acad614-46af-4990-b44f-afbd65d578c2">Re: Being laid back is back firing...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Being laid back is back firing... : Essentially I was lied to, my dress was reordered three times, corporate was double nasty, and I was left in a dressing room in my underwear for 30 minutes.  I am actually in the process of possibly reordering my dress a fourth time because when they sized me they didn't take the alterations I want into consideration.  They were supposed to order a size smaller to allow for a corset back to be put in.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

That does suck. Esp since you took it all the way to corporate. I know those people are on commission, so they try to do everything they can to get more money. But I don't think I blame you on going somewhere else or just going with the dress you posted if your girls are cool with it.

AmoroAgain

First off, I LOVE that dress!! Like, a lot.  I guess I'm weird then?

I started off doing the same as you, and it also backfired.  I told them whomever got to DB first and found a dress that they like, well, that was the deal.  I'd had a really hard time getting them to go looking in the first place, and seeing as how I'm in Europe, yeah, I really didn't care what they wore.  Finally, they all went running and found something they liked.  I made them work it out between themselves because they knew their budget best, and what would work for their body and self-confidence.  They ended up all choosing a pretty basic style.

JanoBean75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_being-laid-back-back-firing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d52b83ac-3796-45a5-b92e-852412dbd7faPost:1acfbf3d-ca40-481f-a210-9305608acbb0">Re: Being laid back is back firing...</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were your bridesmaid, I'd hate it. But, you know their style better than I do.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

This. I would look like ass in that dress. If you're going to be laid back, perhaps send them an email with pictures of dresses at David's Bridal (or wherever) that you like and hopefully that'll be enough to get them moving. If the two girls that want you to shop with them feel they need your approval, they can send pictures for you to approve.

[Deleted User]

Personally, I don't like the dress. If it didn't have the ruffle thing then it would be different (clothing around my neck like that sends me into a panic attack), and like PP said it might be a little revealing for some. It doesn't strike me as a BM dress.

But, if your girls love it, then go for it. I honestly think it's easier to just tell the BMs what dress to wear, provided they all agree on it, rather than sending them out on their own. For the reasons you described in your OP.

Liberty27

Thanks for all the advice!  The reason I chose the dress in the post was because it didn't look like a typical BM dress which is the look I am going for.  I also kind of thought it would complement my dress (pic below).  But I suck at fashion so I honestly have no idea, I am a jeans and t-shirt girl.  That being said I understand that not everyone would like it quite as much as I do.  One of my girls is coming in town this weekend from NYC and she is very fashionable so I will ask her!

skippylouwho

I like that dress a LOT.  From the sizes you mentioned, they may all be able to pull it off. have them all try it on, if they all like it - order it. Those that don't like it can order something else.

Birdie1483

See, that is the type of dress that I would LOVE to wear myself, but would never have the figure to not look like a stuff sausage in it. I do agree with the neckline, however. The girl I'm going to ask to be my MOH was in a wedding last fall and the night before she had to put a "modesty panel" in her dress because it was a halter top and well, she was blessed if you know what I mean. She was fine then, but she would have been really uncomfortable had she not gone to Joann Fabrics the night before.

And lovethebeach, I know a few girls that chose that dress for their BM's this summer and I thought it was really pretty!

crfische

See, even with the ruffle in your dress, I think it's very elegant and classy with a simple line.

Those bridesmaid dresses are just too much to go with your dress, IMO.

emilyinchile

Just FYI, my friends and I tried on that dress for an upcoming wedding. We thought it was cute, but in real life that collar looks like elegant/evening and more corporate. I would wear that dress on the day of my big work presentation, but we decided it didn't seem quite right for a formal evening wedding.

I also agree that I don't think that BM dress goes with your dress.

ETA: I meant LESS elegant/evening. Oops.

mica178

I love the dress, but I agree with PPs that it doesn't match your dress.  I'd go with something more simple for the BM dresses since the lines of your dress are simple.

I like the Alfred Sung line on dessy.com.  There are some cute but simple satin dresses.  I think you can order from netbride and get them within 6 weeks.

Liberty27

Thanks for the input ladies, and I double appreciate hearing from someone who tried it on!  Thanks!