Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette

overloaded

I invited 1 maid of honor and 2 bridesmaids to go wedding dress shopping with me tomorrow. My maid of honor is biringing her mom and her 3 year old daughter.  1 bridesmaid is getting married 2 months before I am and she called the shop  and made her appt the same time as mine and is bringing 3 other bridesmaids with her. I am also in her wedding. My other bridesmaid is bringing her bf ( i dont know him very well they just started dating) and her 3 kids under 5. Her kids are AWFUL. She never watches them and she screams at them to stop whatever they are doing. My ? is should I be upset. I would never bring a child, much less 3 wedding dress shopping and I would never make a bridal appt the same time my friend had one and I would def not invite other people. Please tell me if I am over reacting.

NcsuPsych

All I really have to say is that Holy Crap that's a lot of people going for wedding dress shopping.

My two local BM's went with me at first, but I ended up going shopping alone because I couldnt figure out if I was weighing my feelings on what their opinions were or if I was truly counting on my own opinion. I found my dress when I went alone so I knew then, that it was all me )

I don't really understand taking so many people along though.

slwager

this sounds nuts.  honestly i would try to bring as few people as possible.  like one or two.

your dress is personal.  everyone has different taste and while you'll want support you don't want people talking you out of something you truly love.

or the zoo you're describing.

cancel, go with your friend.  when it's terrible and loud you'll be grateful.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:946db034-9e6e-4415-8ee0-b7a228049e1f">Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I invited 1 maid of honor and 2 bridesmaids to go wedding dress shopping with me tomorrow. My maid of honor is biringing her mom and her 3 year old daughter.  1 bridesmaid is getting married 2 months before I am and she called the shop  and made her appt the same time as mine and is bringing 3 other bridesmaids with her. I am also in her wedding. My other bridesmaid is bringing her bf ( i dont know him very well they just started dating) and her 3 kids under 5. Her kids are AWFUL. She never watches them and she screams at them to stop whatever they are doing. My ? is should I be upset. I would never bring a child, much less 3 wedding dress shopping and I would never make a bridal appt the same time my friend had one and I would def not invite other people. Please tell me if I am over reacting.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

<div>I can't answer, because you keep referring to this as your "wedding" when you are already in fact married.  Aside from the fact that you want everyone's full attention as you shop for your vow renewal gown, and have BMs.</div>

overloaded

It was only suppose to be my MOH and 2 bridesmaids. They txted me today and told me who they were bringing.

plato79

I would politely explain to the friend with the kids that children aren't allowed at the shops you're going to (and maybe have a pre-shopping chat with the manager of the shops so that he/she will back you up). I'm fairly certain that kids weren't allow in any of the shops I went to, except maybe DB.

DeadUtopia

I don't see why they would bring people with them...that's just rude in itself. I would cancel and wait until they could either go by themselves or I would just go alone.

hlq2011

That sounds like a circus even for a bride shopping for a wedding dress, never mind a wife shopping for a vow renewal dress.

Ever see the Say Yes to the Dress episode with the Duggars?  That was a vow renewal too...

emilyinchile

I can't tell you whether or not you should be upset, that's for you to decide based on how you feel.

I can, however, tell you that I think your freinds are crazy. I would probably apologize for the short notice but say that something came up and that I couldn't do the fitting anymore and do any future fittings without them.

Amt2109

I agree with PP, I'd cancel and set up a new appointment.

To me, and I might be reading into this, it seems like your BM hijacked your appointment. The kids are going to be bored and go crazy - and everyone is going to feel like they can add opinion after opinion on whatever dress you try on... I can see this being a nightmare for you, and not the fun time its supposed to be.

I don't think you're overreacting at all, I'd be pretty put out too. If I were you, I'd cancel that one and go on a different day with just your MOH. (BTW, why does your MOH want to bring her mom? Can her mom - if she's babysitting - find something else to do with the child for an hour or so?)

waltzingmatilda13

OMG, there are going to be 12 people there including 4 kids? That sounds stressful and loud. 

Did they ask you if they could bring all these people? Why does your BM need her 3 kids and her boyfriend there? That makes no sense. I don't think it was cool for your other BM to make her appointment at the same time, but maybe she thought it would be fun. I think it's going to be a big ole clusterfuck and neither of you are going to get any decisions made with that much going on around you. 

At this point I would call and reschedule my appointment and perhaps just invite 1 or 2 very close friends or family to go with you at a later date.

overloaded

I am married, but didnt get me dream dress ect the 1st time around. I have recently went though a cancer scare and havent got the test results back yet. Cancer runs really bad on both sides of my family. This is something I really want for memories for me, my husbad, and children and it is going to be on our 10th wedding aniv next year.

Ghoti

I brought my kids with me, it was awesome Every time I came out I got a "Oooh mama you're so beauutttiffulll!!! You're like a princess!!!". it was like my own little fan club

Kids are not the end of the world. I would probably reschedule and do your vow-renewal dress shopping another time, though. Thats a lot of different occasions to shop for at once. 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:eb64cc9d-0777-4ab7-a89a-dc03630363cb">Re: Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I am married, but didnt get me dream dress ect the 1st time around. I have recently went though a cancer scare and havent got the test results back yet. Cancer runs really bad on both sides of my family. This is something I really want for memories for me, my husbad, and children and it is going to be on our 10th wedding aniv next year.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

OP, mentioning your cancer makes it sound like you're pulling the pity card. I think all of us have sympathy for something like a serious health issue, but it doesn't have any bearing on whether or not you are already married. If you're making the choice to have a vow renewal, have the balls to defend that choice without reaching for this.

overloaded

ok maybe wedding wasnt the right word a vow renewal. After 10 years I am still madly in love with my husband and this is just as important to him as it is to me.

jemmini6

My sister brought my 3-year-old nephew the first time I went dress shopping, but I loved it. I came out in my first dress and he had the biggest smile and said "you're beautiful".  I freaking love my nephew    LOL

However in your situation...that sounds like a complete madhouse.  I'd definitely reschedule and when you ask the people to come to your next appointment, I'd say something about them not inviting everyone and their mother.  I don't know...that sounds really rude to me actually to get invited to go dress shopping and then think that you can bring anyone else you want.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:eb64cc9d-0777-4ab7-a89a-dc03630363cb">Re: Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I am married, but didnt get me dream dress ect the 1st time around. I have recently went though a cancer scare and havent got the test results back yet. Cancer runs really bad on both sides of my family. This is something I really want for memories for me, my husbad, and children and it is going to be on our 10th wedding aniv next year.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and I don't have a problem with you doing a vow renewal, but don't treat it like it's a real wedding.  You had your wedding.

aragx6

That's too many people -- agreed, but I'm not surprised everyone isn't taking on your VR with the "necessary" gravitas.

ETA: I would just go, have fun and assume yoou're not going to find the dress. Reschedule with a  small group of those whose opinions you trust at a later date.

overloaded

I only mentioned it because in a past post a few girls pretty much attacked my decisions and said what are you dying and need to have this wedding. I just simply pointed out that I was going though a cancer scare and I am not playing the pity thing. In fact the only person that knows about it is my husband.

hlq2011

I've never seen anyone respond to a vow renewal post and ask if someone was dying?

I'd love to see the conversation that led to that question.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:5a756386-3a71-42aa-8696-9e6dbe041285">Re: Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I only mentioned it because in a past post a few girls pretty much attacked my decisions and said what are you dying and need to have this wedding. I just simply pointed out that I was going though a cancer scare and I am not playing the pity thing. In fact the only person that knows about it is my husband.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

<div>To clarify, since I'm the "few girls" who supposedly attacked your post.  You came into a thread about a PPD, and told the poster to do whatever she wanted, because some people, like you, NEED a big dream wedding.  I asked if your survival depended on this PPD, and if you would curl up in a ball and die from not having one.  I was pointing out the enormous difference between needs and wants.  I never said "are you dying and need to have this wedding."  You definitely took my words out of context.  </div>

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:5a756386-3a71-42aa-8696-9e6dbe041285">Re: Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I only mentioned it because in a past post a few girls pretty much attacked my decisions and said what are you dying and need to have this wedding. I just simply pointed out that I was going though a cancer scare and I am not playing the pity thing. In fact the only person that knows about it is my husband.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

In a past post. Aka it has nothing to do with anything anyone said here. It just came across as "I DESERVE this perfect dress because I didn't get it the first time around, and I might have cancer." When no, neither you nor anyone else deserves a certain dress, especially not if you already had a shot at doing your wedding, and regardless of whether you'll die tomorrow or live to be 100.

Pity from us, not the world. Obviously your husband isn't the only person who knows about it because you just told the entire internet.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shopping-wedding-dress-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d625a98b-0cbf-4dc3-b944-f06871a7f153Post:5a756386-3a71-42aa-8696-9e6dbe041285">Re: Shopping for a wedding dress etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I only mentioned it because in a past post a few girls pretty much attacked my decisions and said what are you dying and need to have this wedding. I just simply pointed out that I was going though a cancer scare and I am not playing the pity thing. In fact the only person that knows about it is my husband.
Posted by overloaded[/QUOTE]

holy dramatics.  Nobody said "are you dying?"  You brought it up.

What we said is that nobody NEEDS a pretty princess day and that wants and needs are two different things. 

We're sorry you may have cancer, but you are playing it like a pity card.  A cancer scare doesn't mean that you have to have a PPD now or else.  It just doesn't.

Maybe your friend feels like her shopping is more important than yours because you are already married and she likely isn't.

hlq2011

Thanks for the clarification, dnb.  I thought that sounded kind of extreme.

LDYGTR13

I had my 4 year old nephew with me - along with my SIL, MIL, MOH and her mom. It was waaaaaay too many and my nephew kept annoying other shoppers.

That's all I got.

georgia_bride09

It sounds like the dress place will be OVERLOADED.

hlq2011

Georgia, I have to say that every time I see your sig pic, it makes me giggle.  I love lolcats.

Bubbalub

Your friend is hijacking your appointment, period. Call everyone you invited and tell them that you just wanted to go dress shopping with the 3 of them, a girl's thing, and that you really don't want a ton of people there. Also mention to your BM that you would like to go dress shopping alone, so if she really wants to shop for her dress that day too, you will go ahead an reschedule your appointment for a time when she won't be so busy herself.

I'm not even going to touch the whole wedding/vow renewal thing. Sheesh.

achiduck

Why is this woman brining her boyfriend? Unless he's like your brother or bestest friend in the whole wide world I see no reason for him to be there. He can stay home and watch the kids.

You need to take a firm stand. That is waayyyy too many people and it sounds like it's going to be a nightmre.

Stackeye210

I would tell them all to stay home.  And as a guy - why would you even want to come dress shopping for someone that's not even your girlfriend?  That's just weird.  Like really weird. 

I don't really see the big deal about the other BM trying on dresses at the same time, but I can definitely get on board with all the random kids coming.  No thanks. 

overloaded

MY friend has been married and and divorced then they workded things out and are getting remarried.