Bridal shower - What's the deal?? Do I NEED to have one??

MelSha1723

So my wedding is 85 days away.
It's a destination wedding in the Mayan Riviera.

My MOH woke me up yesterday with this text: "Questions: about your shower, staggette...are you having one?" Which, correct me if I'm wrong, I was under the impression was her area (I don't want to say "job"), not mine.

I had been getting showers from the mother's if I am having a shower...

My question is...What exactly is a shower...it's aNOTHER party for the bride(or couple) where people are EXPECTED to "shower"us with gifts, right? Is it anything else??

We are having a destination wedding A) guest list is pretty small, and there is a golden rule about not inviting people to showers, engagement parties, etc. who are not invited to the wedding itself, which I totally agree with. SO, that being said, the guest list for a shower would be VERY tiny, actually, it would be my bridesmaids, and the mom's....and that's about it. Not sure I see the point.  and we have explicitly requested at both the engagement party and the wedding that there be no gifts. First, there's really nothing we need, if fact we have too much! and secondly and most importantly, it's a destination wedding which means everybody is already shelling out tons of money just to go, we can't expect them to spend more money on us. 
Unless I am missing something, a shower seems like a "cash-grab" to use a word that's been floating around lately.... Unless there's more to it than gifts...I think having a shower would be inappropriate (and I mean for our wedding, not everybody). Am I wrong?
Should I tell her I don't want a shower?

Maggie0829

1) You don't need a shower and you can respectively decline any that is offered to you

2) Showers are not "cash-grabs".  They are a way to shower the bride or couple with gifts to help them start their new lives together.  Since you don't want or need anything, again decline any showers offered.

3) Anyone can throw you a shower, whether that be your MOH, BMs, friends, relatives, etc.

4) Finally, even though you requested no gifts, don't be shocked if you receive some.

If you don't want a shower but wouldn't mind having a nice get together with your BMs and Mom's you can certainly tell you MOH that you would prefer a nice lunch rather then a shower.  That way those invited would not feel the need to bring you a gift like they would if they were invited to a typical shower.

daveANDkristen

Tell your MOH that no one has mentioned throwing a shower (it doesn't have to be her area, but it certainly isn't yours).  It's perfectly okay to decline any showers that are offered.  The reasons you stated (not wanting anything, small guest list, DW with travel expenses) are all fine reasons if the potential shower host is persistent.

kimberlygo

I felt like a shower was a cash grab, too, and really really did not have one. My mother and MIL insisted and I was uncomfortable the whole time. While I appreciated the good intentions, I think if you don't want one you should say thank you, but decline.

Jen4948

You don't have to have a shower if you don't want one.  They are not "cash grabs" - in fact, they are supposed to be to give the couple non-cash gifts.  But there's no requirement that you have one if it makes you uncomfortable.

MelSha1723

Thanks!  It's great to know i'm not the only one who feels that way. thought maybe people would freak if i said i didn't want one. thanks

antibride2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-whats-the-deal-do-i-need-to-have-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d62a2ecc-be84-41cf-a41b-d19e2b6d12cbPost:3eb91af9-55f0-43d6-b5b4-1add382fa0df">Re: Bridal shower - What's the deal?? Do I NEED to have one??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks!  It's great to know i'm not the only one who feels that way. thought maybe people would freak if i said i didn't want one. :) thanks
Posted by MelSha1723[/QUOTE]

I am having the exact same problem MelSha.  I didn't want a wedding, FH did.  Personally I am not big into attention, and honestly I think weddings are a huge waste of money.   That being said, I am playing along for FH, but I have said over and over to everyone no shower, no gifts, practically begging at this point.  No one is getting the message.  I have been trying to be polite, not working.  I also think showers are cash-grabs.  How many parties do people have to have just because their getting married, really?!?!  So no freaking out from me, I am in total agreeance with you, and having the same exact problem!! 

amyelise25

You are not the only one.  I had a smaller wedding (45 guests) and opted just for a weekend away with the women in my family who were guests.  It was AWESOME and exactly what I wanted.  I am grateful to my sister/MOH who honored my wishes but did double-check to make sure that I really didn't want one. 

Also -- if you don't want gifts, don't register.  We didn't want gifts and we made sure not to register.  We got mostly cash, but also got some regular gifts as well.