OMG I need to rant!!

angie1623

Ok, so I get home and my fiance asks me if I saw his mother's email.  Well, I look at it, and guess what?

She sent out a mas email to a bunch of people that are not invited and we do not know at all, telling them to STD and gave them our website with all our info on it.

She sent it to people who are not on our list at all!!! And then she said oh well they will be on my tab. Hello lady!!! we don't have space! We already have to trim our list 20 people because our venue only holds 150 sit down meal. And you would know that if you would have asked!!

I seriously don't knwo what to do. Thankfully she told them that we would be sending them our STD's which we are not at all. Please tell me that since we won't send them anything these people are not going to come. Please. Am I overreacting?

AddieCake

Yep. Unless she is paying, your fiance needs to tell her to contact these people and clean up this mess. If she IS paying, you all need to talk, get on the same page, and possibly find a bigger venue.

angie1623

Both of our families are paying. We continue to ask her for a list (we already have her family included in our list) but we ask her anyone else and she did not send us one.

Then she told my fiance well, you wanted the list so there it is the people i sent the email to..

She said that she did not think it was that big of a deal, and that she is sorry. 

It's taking all I have not to call her. I guess I just gotta breathe. 

Amyzen83

I would be sooooo pissed! Sorry that happened... Looks like your future MIL has some major damage control she needs to take care of. People still may not take the hint or worse case scenario, your MIL may still try to invite them by word of mouth, so if I were in your position, I would talk to your coordinator about this possible problem and give her the correct list of people that are invited, and anyone not on the list must be politely sent away. If you are really worried, hire a security guard that night/day.

Sassenach1743

You and/or FI need to talk to her ASAP.

In the meantime, put a password protection on your website so that those people cannot access it and see all your information. If you already have a password protection on your website and your FMIL included it in her email then CHANGE the password NOW!

Good Luck.

Amyzen83

People posted before my first msg got out... Glad she appologized, it shows that she at least feeling bad about it and recognizes her blunder. Hope it all works out!

misssunshine17

Ahh, I would flip out. She was so out of line. I hope your FI told her that. Even though she is contributing, she should have treated her guests like every other.

angie1623

Is not even really about the budget (I have no doubt she would pay for any extra people). It is that the venue only holds 150 and the list is up there already. We already paid the deposit so that makes it very complicated.

Her apology was not really an apology it was more like gosh, why are you overracting. Sorry! 

Anyway I made my FI send her an email explaining the logistics of the situation and that we are more than happy to have people that are family or very close but we need to look at that list together. 

What also made me angry was in her email the assumption that my list was going to be way bigger (so why are we mad that hers is smaller). Both of our list actually have about the same amount of people. 

We do have OOT's that may not come but I don't want to risk it and have more people show up that are allowed.

I am convincing the FI to put a password on the site (he made it himself and is quite proud of it, but I seriously don't want all the info out there for the world to see)

Amyzen83

Oh yuck! Sounds like FMIL has an attitude! Glad FI is stepping up and making her re-email all those people. Still sounds like a crappy way to start things

misssunshine17

Eeek! That is seriously so crappy. I would NOT accomidate her 'std' guests and I would be prepared to pay for whatever she had planned on paying for.

Sorry this is happening

ZiggyZos

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-i-need-to-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d637e5fa-55e8-4f3d-b9d1-6dfffa6b7980Post:bca86fb3-fbd6-41d1-be03-7585492745ca">Re: OMG I need to rant!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OMG I need to rant!! : ugh.  I would be absolutely livid.  Also, don't assume that the OOT guests won't come.  Assume 100% attendance.  If your venue holds 150, invite no more than 150. And, I'm glad to see your FI is showing solidarity and standing up to her.   (( hugs ))
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Assume 100% attendance, but also don't forget to include yourselves, wedding party, and vendors in that 150 capacity...

Ella and Pedro

(((( HUG ))))


Sooo sorry this happened.  The other ladies here definitely gave you all the good advice a person can offer. 

I guess my only other idea would be to think about having a plan b (if permitted) at the venue in terms of crowd size and event type.  For example, our venue SEATS up to 120 but if we did a Cocktail style reception we could have up to 150 people (with seating for 1/3, elderly infirmed etc.)

Good luck!

STARMOON44

Your FI needs to be giving his mother a very clear direction: you do not get to invite people to our wedding.  You can tel us who you would like to come, and within the guidelines we have discussed, and we will send them Save the Dates and invitations.

In my book, her paying means she gets some portion of your guest list/some say in the type of wedding, but it doesn't mean she can invite whoever she wants without your okay.

STARMOON44

Your FI needs to be giving his mother a very clear direction: you do not get to invite people to our wedding.  You can tel us who you would like to come, and within the guidelines we have discussed, and we will send them Save the Dates and invitations.

In my book, her paying means she gets some portion of your guest list/some say in the type of wedding, but it doesn't mean she can invite whoever she wants without your okay.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-i-need-to-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d637e5fa-55e8-4f3d-b9d1-6dfffa6b7980Post:ccbc2899-44a5-455c-9078-608b7ab260ad">Re:OMG I need to rant!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:OMG I need to rant!!: Please don't do this. Not providing a seat for every butt is one of the rudest things a couple can do at their wedding. You have no idea who can and cannot stand for an extended period of time and even if your guests CAN stand, it doesn't mean they want to.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Ditto this!  there needs to be a seat for every butt for the duration of your wedding.  H and I went to one last year that was sit-down for dinner but then for dancing they moved into another room (and the dinner room was closed) with cocktail tables and seats for MAYBE 1/3 the guest list.  After dancing in heels I was desperate for a place to sit.

angie1623

OMG so even after the email explaining the logistics, she made it seem like the majority of the list was mine! She was like well i want to invite 30 ppl and your telling me there are a 170, so you do the math...

If she would aks she would know that FI has half the list. I hate how she is making it seem like I am the one that has too many people.

This is ridiculous, I'm no even angry now, I'm hurt that she is being so petty and ugly. Ugh!

Amyzen83

Euch! Sorry to hear that! I'm sorry but the wedding is for you and your fi, I think you are being very generous by asking her who she would like to invite, but I think bride and groom should get majority over guests. I'd personally feel very awkward at my own wedding if I didn't recognize most of the guests, and my true friends were left out. Your guests should reflect the people who are an important part of you and fi's life, not your MIL's! So so so sorry she's making this so difficult for you and causing drama.


FYI, I agree with people about the chairs for every butt, especially if there are women wearing heals. A place to sit down to rest is very important.