Guest list probs: Cutting family?

ACropf

I have a handful of "Aunts" and "uncles" my grandmother insists I invite to our wedding. They are my mother's step brothers and sisters, my grandmothers step children, none of whom I speak to (Most of them she never spoke to until my grandfather died). Two of them, I've never met, the rest have not spoken to me in 20 years. If you put them in a crowd of strangers, I probably couldn't even tell you who they were. How am I even supposed to introduce them to my Fiancé if I don't even know who they are or what they look like?

My grandmother and parents are helping us pay so I feel obligated to invite them, but truly don't want to. I wouldnt care, but we are having a fairly small wedding and There are people who are close to us that we have to cut bc of them. I know they will come, probably just for the reception (ie, free food and bar), stay for dinner and drinks then leave.

I need advice!! Has anyone ever been in a similar situation??

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-probs-cutting-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d63cd9b4-7400-4027-a61a-e626f2b5b38cPost:21cdf791-380e-4ece-9fdd-58b7bd3c0225">Guest list probs: Cutting family?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a handful of "Aunts" and "uncles" my grandmother insists I invite to our wedding. They are my mother's step brothers and sisters, my grandmothers step children, none of whom I speak to (Most of them she never spoke to until my grandfather died). Two of them, I've never met, the rest have not spoken to me in 20 years. If you put them in a crowd of strangers, I probably couldn't even tell you who they were. How am I even supposed to introduce them to my Fiancé if I don't even know who they are or what they look like? My grandmother and parents are helping us pay so I feel obligated to invite them, but truly don't want to. I wouldnt care, but we are having a fairly small wedding and <strong>There are people who are close to us that we have to cut bc of them.</strong> I know they will come, probably just for the reception (ie, free food and bar), stay for dinner and drinks then leave. I need advice!! Has anyone ever been in a similar situation??
Posted by ACropf[/QUOTE]
Oh that really sucks!
Are they paying for everything or are you helping with costs, too? Maybe there is a way to help keep these closer people on the guest list if you were covering them?

jmp2004

I wouldn't do it.  Send them an announcement afterward and explain it to your gmother like you just did here. 

Snippylynn

When you accept money from someone, you do so with the understanding that they will assert some sort of control over your wedding. There are a couple of things you can do here:

1) Sit down and explaing to grandma and mom how you feel. Present them with a compromise guest list, with some of their wanted and some of your wanted.

2) Pay for the wedding yourself and invite who you want

3) Leave this alone for another 6 months at least. Have a good idea of how many you want to invite, but leave the real fight as to who until you are closer.

With so much time until your wedding, the feelings of people involved could change. 

ACropf

We are more than likely going to have to suck it up and invite them... I was just wondering how other people dealt with similar situations. I just feel like weddings are supposed to be something you share with people who mean something to you, ones who care about you and your happiness. Not "relatives" who don't know a thing about you. They may technically be family, but they are strangers to me. I doubt any of them know where I currently live, what my job is, or what my finances name is.

SB1512

I'm in a sort of similar situation.  The guest list of FI's parents is up to 135 people, but they are giving whatever is needed to accomodate their list so everyone is being invited because unfortunately turning down their money was not an option as it would have resulted in a lot of dislike and drama towards me for "not understanding that they have to invite all of these people".  The good news is that my side of the family is very very small, so the money my parents are giving us will go towards our friends and people that are actually close to us.

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-probs-cutting-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d63cd9b4-7400-4027-a61a-e626f2b5b38cPost:15eaa8ea-89b7-4b66-8d47-8fbc55159975">Re: Guest list probs: Cutting family?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are more than likely going to have to suck it up and invite them... I was just wondering how other people dealt with similar situations.<strong> I just feel like weddings are supposed to be something you share with people who mean something to you, ones who care about you and your</strong> happiness. Not "relatives" who don't know a thing about you. They may technically be family, but they are strangers to me. I doubt any of them know where I currently live, what my job is, or what my finances name is.
Posted by ACropf[/QUOTE]

I completely understand where you are coming from, and I absolutely agree with the bolded part.  But, when someone else is paying the bill, they do have a say, even if you disagree.  I had to invite an aunt that I do not get along with to my wedding, simply because she is my aunt.  I sucked it up and invited her, and she was the most negative person at our wedding (she basically sat in the corner and pouted and complained).  Didn't ruin my day, but if my parents hadn't helped pay for the wedding, you can bet I wouldn't have invited her (actually, my parents regret that they wanted her there too, but that's another story). 
Not exactly the same as relatives who are strangers, but still someone who isnt close to me or my DH, and someone who doesn't give a ratsass about our happiness. It'll turn out ok though. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-probs-cutting-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d63cd9b4-7400-4027-a61a-e626f2b5b38cPost:15eaa8ea-89b7-4b66-8d47-8fbc55159975">Re: Guest list probs: Cutting family?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are more than likely going to have to suck it up and invite them... I was just wondering how other people dealt with similar situations. I just feel like weddings are supposed to be something you share with people who mean something to you, ones who care about you and your happiness. Not "relatives" who don't know a thing about you. They may technically be family, but they are strangers to me. I doubt any of them know where I currently live, what my job is, or what my finances name is.
Posted by ACropf[/QUOTE]
The thing is, it is supposed to be something you share with people who mean something to you... for those who are paying for the wedding.
Sometimes you get parents/gparents who pay and don't care if they have a say in things like the guest list. And then there are parents/gparents who do care.

I haven't gone through what you're going through, but I will. My bf's mother already complained to me about how <em>dare</em> her DIL seat her friends at the back table. My bf told me how him and his brother met these friends, like, once their whole lives and couldn't believe they were even invited. These things do happen to a lot of brides and grooms, so you're not alone. :)