HELP! non RSVPers and +1

kimwood11

Our RSVP deadline has passed so we've started calling the folks who haven't sent theirs to us. Last night my FI called one of his friends who didn't RSVP. His friend told him that he is coming with a guest. The invite was addressed only to him. They aren't dating, he just wants to bring a date. What is with these people?!?! I'm so frustrated. Do people not understand that weddings have budgets and that if we could afford for our single friends to bring a date, we would have written "and guest" on the invitaion?!
My FI explained this to his friend (in a nice way) but he still insisted that he's bringing a date. I'm so tempted to call him and explain it to him again.
What would you do? Should I just let it go?
Thanks for the advice!

Beachy730

He can't insist on bringing a date if you tell him that there is nowhere for her to sit or no food for her to eat.  I just don't understand how if you flat out tell someone they can't have a date that they will still insist on bringing one.  I'm thinking your FI wasn't very  clear with him.

You and your FI need to decide if you're just willing to let it slide.  Have you had enough people decline that you have room in your venue and/or budget?  If he is that adament on bringing a date, he may decline altogether if told he can't bring one, so decide what's most important.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_non-rsvpers-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6a057f9-fc50-4322-92f9-ceee8c7d58ddPost:7789ee29-26d1-4c86-a106-ff70481f739f">HELP! non RSVPers and +1</a>:
[QUOTE]Our RSVP deadline has passed so we've started calling the folks who haven't sent theirs to us. Last night my FI called one of his friends who didn't RSVP. His friend told him that he is coming with a guest. The invite was addressed only to him. They aren't dating, he just wants to bring a date. What is with these people?!?! I'm so frustrated. Do people not understand that weddings have budgets and that if we could afford for our single friends to bring a date, we would have written "and guest" on the invitaion?! My FI explained this to his friend (in a nice way) but he still insisted that he's bringing a date. I'm so tempted to call him and explain it to him again. What would you do? Should I just let it go? Thanks for the advice!
Posted by kimwood11[/QUOTE]

Carlydl

Our budget is pretty tight, so I would be inclined to call him back and make it very clear that you cannot accomodate additional guests.  Like PP suggested, he may decide not to come if he can't get his way, but if that's the case, then just let him know that he will be missed.

sarah0725

Tell him that if he brings a date, she'll have to sit in his lap and share his dinner?

mary9449

Who just thinks it's ok to say they're bring a date?? Rude! I would call him and tell him there simply isn't enough room for her.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

"Hi Bob. I know John talked to you last night and he mentioned something about you bringing a date. I just wanted to clarify that we can't accomodate any plus ones. We're really tight on space and budget and we can't squeeze in someone else. But I know you'll know Alex, Steve and Jim, so I'm seating you at a table with them."

badkittyct

What a butt!

I would have Fi call him again and as politely as possible explain that there is not enough space/budget to accomodate people who were not directly invited. Period.

DramaGeek

Ditto Mery.  Don't give him the option, just tell him there will be no seat or meal for her.  If he brings her anyway, he's the one who looks dumb.

kimwood11

Thanks everyone for your advice. It is greatly appreciated!!

jemmini6

It's been my experience that people who have never planned a wedding (particularly younger people) have no idea what weddings cost and don't understand why guest lists are kept so tight.

A good friend of mine from college got married last year and so many people from our class (small program where about 45 of us had every class together for the last 2 years) assumed they, and their random date would be invited.  Like hello?!  You think she's going to have 90 people of her 120 person wedding be from college?  (not to mention that we were out of college for a while by that point, and many of these people we haven't seen since graduation) You'd think it was common sense, but no...people can be utterly clueless when it comes to weddings.

Moral of the story, you need to call him back and be absolutely firm with him not being able to bring a date.  Even if you had the space and budget to, I wouldn't let him on sheer principle alone.  You can't be late RSVPing, then add a guest who wasn't invited, even after you've been told no.  WTH?