How to Handle Mom's man

awolkenhauer

So I've read threads about when I can not invite someone to my wedding; and as far as I'm aware, I am safe in not inviting my mother's boyfriend but how do I make it clear he is not welcome? My mom and I have a rough relationship but for the most part are able to keep the peace. In this case, I'm not willing to falter. My mother was married to the guy and divorced last year, but are now rekindling their relationship. He tried molesting my sister a few years back, he has been physically abusive to my mother, has made sexual advance towards me, and the list goes on. What's my best tactic?

Thanks in advance.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-handle-moms-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d72475d4-4945-4036-bb1c-b7e8f5716720Post:f5ded530-4344-4e1b-a74f-4f3ad194c49c">How to Handle Mom's man</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've read threads about when I can not invite someone to my wedding; and as far as I'm aware, I am safe in not inviting my mother's boyfriend but how do I make it clear he is not welcome? My mom and I have a rough relationship but for the most part are able to keep the peace. In this case, I'm not willing to falter. My mother was married to the guy and divorced last year, but are now rekindling their relationship.<strong> He tried molesting my sister a few years back</strong>, he has been physically abusive to my mother, <strong>has made sexual advance towards me</strong>, and the list goes on. What's my best tactic? Thanks in advance.
Posted by awolkenhauer[/QUOTE]
I'm going to say that you shouldn't invite him based on those bolded parts. And if she asks why he is not invited, give her that as your reason.

kmbryant2413

When she receives her invite, tell her he is not invited. When/if she asks why, give her the reasons that PP bolded. If she says then she won't come, tell her she will be missed and move on. There is no sense in pleading with your mother who chooses an abusive person over you. End of story.

awolkenhauer

The sad thing is, my mother does not even think those are problems. When I was 12 I told her about her then boyfriend calling me sexy and she responded, "He says that to me, too!" She thought it was hilarious when her current boyfriend walked up behind me and slapped my butt.

I fully expect her to not show up if he can't come and really, I can live with that.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-handle-moms-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d72475d4-4945-4036-bb1c-b7e8f5716720Post:563c0dbc-053b-47c3-8a7d-99524cd3882d">Re: How to Handle Mom's man</a>:
[QUOTE]The sad thing is, my mother does not even think those are problems. When I was 12 I told her about her then boyfriend calling me sexy and she responded, "He says that to me, too!" She thought it was hilarious when her current boyfriend walked up behind me and slapped my butt. I fully expect her to not show up if he can't come and really, I can live with that.
Posted by awolkenhauer[/QUOTE]
If you can live with that, then that solves your problem. Well, actually, your real problem is that your mom keeps inviting these skeevy guys in you and your sister's lives. But distance from your mom puts distance from these men and that'll be good.

awolkenhauer

Aside from some help from my dad, FI and I are paying for the whole thing. I would have never trusted money from my mom; one thing I've learned is that I can always count on being disappointed by her.

I know having to go this route is obviously the best for everyone, it's just still kind of sucky too.

AndreaV26

Oh my goodness, I have a very similar situation in my own family! It's eerily scary how alike our situations are. I have already flat out told my mom, that if she's seeing him, then I can't stop her, she's an adult, etc. However, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is he welcome at my wedding, and I have no problem having him escorted out. Fortunately, she is not helping financially, so she has no say in the matter.

LuckyAloha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-handle-moms-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d72475d4-4945-4036-bb1c-b7e8f5716720Post:275eb21e-96cd-47a8-acfe-cc6901b2db1c">Re: How to Handle Mom's man</a>:
[QUOTE]Hate to come across all hall monitor, but if that's your surname in you SN you should probably change your account.  A very small amount of searching could unearth a lot of information about you. As long as you're ok with that, carry on.  Hope it works out for you!
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

How do you do that?