Boys Night at the House

ExpatPumpkin

What's your role in boys night if DH/FI has a get together at your place?  And are you okay with it?

BecW2be

I'm not a boy, so I'd have no role in Boy's Night at my house. I find something to do elsewhere.

betrothed123

If It's a guys' night, they dpn't want me there, so I make myself scarce.  He does the same for me for girls' nights.

nda_roxybabe

Unless it were a couples event (which I dont see how it could me considering its "boys night") I would do my own thing.

ButtonsPepper

Expat : your picture looks like it was taken from a still from a movie set.

Stackeye210

I'm not a boy.  But I do encourage him to have boys night (either in the house or out of it).  If they order a fight on tv or something I use it as a good excuse to get to bed early. 

temerityjane

We don't have too many people to our house right now, you know, for reasons (which are changing very soon OH MAN), but I say hi or whatever and go somewhere else. I don't go along with him to guy things with his friends even when I'm invited, either, really. They're boring.

laurenclaire1386

This just doesn't come up in our house. FI and his friends don't have "boys nights." He doesn't do stuff at our house that I would need to be excluded from. If my presence at any sort of social occassion is not appropriate, you can bet your ass that occassion won't be held at a house that we share.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I put 1, but it sort of depends. Most of our friends are mutual friends and of mixed gender. And if we have people over to the house its either just my best friend (who adores FI as well, so we all hang out) or we have a cocktail party. When we have girls night/boys night we always go out for drinks or dinner. And I'm perfectly fine not participating in that.

SwedishChick2011

DH hasn't even had a boys' night at our house yet (he doesn't really like having people over), but I'd just go do something else.  It would probably be awkward for everyone involved if I tried to hang out with them. 

sgervais88

Normally, I would say that you don't need to be there on boy's night and to do something either with your girls or alone, but it's at your house. I see no reason why you should have to go to another part of the house and hide so they can have guy time. If it's at your house, it should be couple's night, unless you have plans with girls.

danieliza1127

For the most part, when my H does something with his guy friends, it's not at our house.  They'll go out for the night and I'm always welcome, but if I decide I don't want to go, then he goes and I stay home or do something with a girlfriend.  If he's doing a guy project at the house and they're working in the garage, then I'm inside and I don't care what they're doing out there anyway.  I don't think it's ever come up where he wanted to have a guy's only party at the house.  I haven't done that for girls either.  If we have a girl's night in, it's not at my house.  I don't think it's right to expect him to leave the house or be banished to the bedroom so I can have girlfriends over.

temerityjane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_boys-night-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d771e96f-588f-41a1-b6f6-d0f33bc282bdPost:daba72f2-0fef-45e1-ac18-9d6736aecd10">Re: Boys Night at the House</a>:
[QUOTE]This just doesn't come up in our house. FI and his friends don't have "boys nights." He doesn't do stuff at our house that I would need to be excluded from. If my presence at any sort of social occassion is not appropriate, you can bet your ass that occassion won't be held at a house that we share.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I don't think Buddy would ever say to be "I'm having a bunch of dudes over so you need to go in the bedroom and not come out because we're going to do dude things and you're not a dude" in a house that we share. I'm just not INTERESTED in doing everything he does with his smelly friends.

SwedishChick2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_boys-night-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d771e96f-588f-41a1-b6f6-d0f33bc282bdPost:daba72f2-0fef-45e1-ac18-9d6736aecd10">Re: Boys Night at the House</a>:
[QUOTE]This just doesn't come up in our house. FI and his friends don't have "boys nights." He doesn't do stuff at our house that I would need to be excluded from. If my presence at any sort of social occassion is not appropriate, you can bet your ass that occassion won't be held at a house that we share.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
That's kind of a good point.  My H will occasionally go out with friends, but it would be kind of strange if he invited a bunch of guys over and kicked me out.  So he'd probably let me stay, but I'd just feel weird and leave.

MyNameIsNot

I don't think my DH has ever had boys night at our house.  When he chills with the his friends, they usually go to a bar or something.  I guess if he did want to bring guys over for something, I'd go out with my friends.

Neither one of us really has a same-sex group of friends, though. If he was going to have his friends over, it would probably be a mixed gender group.

september's bride

I tend to play the role of "Beer and Sandwich Wench" when the guys come over. I make huuuuuuge sandwiches and stock the house full of different beers. A lot of the guys that come over are single and don't get anyone around the house doing nice things and making food, so I enjoy taking on that role once in a while. I love DH's friends like my own, so this works well for us.

MissLeahM

If the boys gf's aren't invited, I will go visit family. I have no problem with that.

He actually had one on Saturday, they were discussing the bachelor party weekend. So I went and visited my mother then I came back and we all hung out, and the b.m. invited his gf. It was fun.

kikipania

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_boys-night-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d771e96f-588f-41a1-b6f6-d0f33bc282bdPost:e6868633-c44c-4cf3-8d31-9d211048dc90">Re: Boys Night at the House</a>:
[QUOTE]Expat : your picture looks like it was taken from a still from a movie set.
Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

I agree! Just beautiful!

To answer the Q, I'd probably do option #3... make some food in advance for them and then get lost.

lilgina64

When I want to have a girl's night in, we commandeer the living room and watch movies and eat and drink cocktails etc. He watches tv in the bedroom.

If he has the boys over to watch a big soccer game and I'm the only female "invited"... I tend to make some snacks, bring out the beers, and then go watch girly tv in the bedroom.

I appreciate that he gives me time with my girlfriends and he appreciates that I give him time with his guys. Sometimes it's cheaper to stay in, or everyone is too tired to have a big night out. I never feel like I'm "left out, being shunned" etc. I feel like it's respect him to give him his space because I like my own space sometimes. and even thought we have a LOT of mutual friends, it's good to have seperate time with them and not be "THAT" couple that is joined at the hip and can't function socially without the other. That being said, we go out together if it's mixed company unless one of us has a prior obligation.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_boys-night-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d771e96f-588f-41a1-b6f6-d0f33bc282bdPost:667146ac-c288-4164-8979-fcbeb2db8532">Re: Boys Night at the House</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Boys Night at the House : I don't think Buddy would ever say to be "I'm having a bunch of dudes over so you need to go in the bedroom and not come out because we're going to do dude things and you're not a dude" in a house that we share. I'm just not INTERESTED in doing everything he does with his smelly friends.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.  My H would never, ever, in 100,000,000,000 years ask/tell me to make myself scarce.  I do it because I know the guys would rather do their thing, which doesn't interest me at all.  I make myself scarce to save myself from staring at some stupid sport's show for hours.

I'm actually quite shocked that some of you would basically forbid your FI/H from having people over if it excluded you, even if it wasn't a regular occurrence.  Even if it's just H and I are at home, sometimes I hang out in a different room from him.  I see this as no different.

Brie2010

FI doesn't really have too many friends over.  He'll usually meet them at a casino or someone's house to play poker.  Occasionally he'll invite a friend over to watch a football game or something and I watch too if I'm interested.  I don't find it necessary to evacuate the house or anything.  FI would probably think it was weird if I went and hid in the bedroom or something. 

msladyface

My FI usually has a "boys night" every couple of weeks or so.  I use these nights to try out new recipes.  I cook for them while they play video games or whatever. 

nda_roxybabe

Oh yea, I would never be banished from the house or even the room.

kikibaby

The friends we hang out with are all couples, so that's usually how we hang out.  If he's hanging out with the guys from work, it's usually after work at a bar.  If I'm hanging out with the girls, it's usually going out to dinner or something.  Neither of us has ever had a boys or girls night at the house, but if he wanted to have the guys over for poker or something, I'd either hang out upstairs with the TV/laptop, or go to my parents house.

laurenclaire1386

Wow, I sounded mega bitchy in my first response. The deal is, FI and I were friends for four years before we were a couple. So we've always had the same set of friends. It's a mixed gender group and very rarely do only the members possessing y chromosomes get together and do stuff. By the same token, I don't invite 8 girls over and expect FI to get the hell outta dodge.

ohwhynot

Huh.  The only thing that comes close is when fi's band comes over for practice.   I sometimes listen on the couch, sometimes go upstairs and talk on the phone.  The only thing even vaguely "boys' night" we've had is a poker night, but that was co-ed, so I guess it doesn't really count. 

We're not very gender-oriented, I guess. 

tigger9922

H was the best man for a good friend of ours and offered to order a PPV fight and host the b-party at our house.  I didn't have anything going on that night, so I stayed in our room and watched tv, scrapbooked, and relaxed.  I didn't mind at all.  Its not a regular occurance though, I might get offended if it happened all the time that he didn't want me around.  But I acutally suggested the b-party at our house, so I was all for keeping away and letting them be guys. lol

ac_in_dc

I have a book club that meets once a month at somebody's house (sometimes ours) and a group of girlfriends that does a girl's night once a month. DH usually makes himself scarce if this is at our place.

He doesn't really have a posse of guy friends here in DC, though (he hasn't lived here for very long, and he's kind of a homebody). If he did, though, I'd totally encourage him to have the guys over, although I'd imagine he'd be more likely to meet them at a bar.

JK10910

Really?  I just can't ever imagine saying to FI "Hey this is OUR house and you can't EVER do anything here that doesn't include me!"  Do you shower without him?  Use the bathroom without him?  I just think it's silly that you wouldn't invite friends over just because they're not his friends too, and vice versa.  No, you don't have to say "I'm having friends over...go away" but I'd assume he would anyway.  Yes, I'd have a problem with FI saying "Hey my friends are coming over, you have to leave."  But if we talked about it and he said "Hey, do you mind if some of the guys come over this weekend?"  I'd volunteer to find something else to do so he could hang out with the guys. 

BecW2be

I see nothing wrong with either person inviting boys or girls over and not really wanting the other there. It's cheaper than going out, and I wouldn't want to hang out with the boys anyway; in my house or not. I get the "our" house thing, but I need time with girlfriends just as he may need time with guy friends.

When I had a bigger house, I used to have a huge girls night in the Friday before Halloween, and as many as 50 women would show up, and EX disappeared for the night. If we'd tried to do that at a bar or something, it would have been horrific. But the offer for him to do the same was always open, and I was happy to retreat to a bedroom to watch TV, or disappear completely while he did things with the guys.

For damn sure I will not be cooking for Boy's Night, though. He's on his own for that!

tb583

FI and his friends don't ever really get together for "guys night".  When they do get together they actually prefer to have females there.  Usually their guy time consists of riding and racing motocross.  They go out and ride and the girls either ride as well or just sit around a socialize.  FI will sometimes go out to the bar without me, but that it because I decided that I would rather stay home that particular night.