Seriously?

fyrefairie

OK so here is the shortest version I can givw
I was adopted at birth, raised by my parents with a large and loving extended family (aunts and cousins etc).  Upon reaching adulthood I did seek out bio-parents, largely for the purpose of obtaining medical histories.  I have maintained contact with some biological family over the years, I have a half borther on each side.  My borthers are invited to the wedding, very few other biological relatives are for both obvious reasons ( i don't have a realtionship with them) and practical (money does become an object at a point). 
TODAY my older brother emails me all surprised and huffy that I didn't invite "our" aunt and two cousins (none of whom i have met and at best have exchanged a couple of emails with over the years)....who live 1500 miles away....Is there seriously some expectations that because we have a few chromosomes in common they should have been invited?  And even if my borther feels they should have, is he trying to invtie them after the fact?  who wants an invitation under those circumstances...I don't get it (the weddings in less than 40 days btw)

fyrefairie

and sorry for all the typos, i tpye fast when frustrated

laurynfaerie

I agree with you, if you don't know them, don't invite them. I have a large famiy and they will not all be invited simpy because it would cost a freaking fortume

mgietler76

FI and I counted his cousins on his fathers side and it was 38, so I get the money issue, I would just let your brother know that you feel uncomfortable inviting people to share in your celebration when you've never met them.

lizzyopal

i don't blame you. my FI is adopted and knows his bio family as well but we only invited two people from the family (his sister and dad).  

leah2b

I totally agree with you however your brother may not understand your point of view.  I would explain it to him i so that he can understand where you are coming from.

KatyRoseM

I hear where your coming from.  Fi's biological family found him yesterday and its easy to understand why they think there is a connection, but it might not truly develop.  Family is complicated enough without the added factor of not knowing them growing up, and whatever lead up to the adoption.  I always recommend telling people how you feel, but that might not be practical.  Good luck, from what I've seen so far this is hard. 

akhensley81

OP, I'm right with you. I was also adopted at birth and sought out my bio family about 6 years ago. I have a strong relationship with my sister (same parents), and somewhat of a relationship with my 3 half-siblings. I've had to set some clear boundaries, especially with my bio mother - who likes to act like she's my mom and makes me pretty uncomfortable.

My sister was in my BP, and all 3 half-siblings were invited. 2 of them came. I also invited my bio mom, and at the last minute she asked me if she could bring her mother (my bio grandmother) instead of her boyfriend. I didn't want to cause waves, so I said that's fine.

If I were you, I'd go with what PP's said. Just explain it to him the way you would explain to ANYone - space, budget, whatever - that you're very sorry you weren't able to invite everyone you would have wanted. While this is probably not the right time to start setting boundaries with them - if you haven't already, I would recommend you start doing that.

Keep in mind that these people see you as their "long lost" relative. But what they don't understand is that, to you - they're probably just random people that you met recently. You don't have the same emotional connection that they do. They've been waiting 20+ years, wondering where you are and how you're doing. You've been going about your life without much of a thought of them, until now.

It took me several years to find a comfortable place with my relationship with my bio mom (including calling her by her first name, and NOT "mom" like she has asked me to do). But you can do it!

fyrefairie

I've set boundaries with most of my bio family...i thought my borther had a pretty clear view of things...i haven't set boundaries with the aunt and cousins because I have never met them and barely ever corresponded with them so it never really came up....I am shocked that they expected an invitation.  I did email my brother back and explained the space.budget constraints and reminded him somewhat gently that I have a fmaily of origin with whom I grew up and shared all my memories who will always come first....this aunt's daughters btw did invite me to their weddings, i declined to go explaining I felt uncomfortable going to stranger's weddings and that I also felt it would be intrusive to have teh prodigal relative return home on their special day, so to speak.....argh.

fyrefairie

Oh and actually, they didn't even know I existed on that side until I tracked my brth father down, so there was no waiting 20+ years for me...