Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?

aurianna

Ok. Getting married in January. Invited all of FI's family EXCEPT those under 21.
Wedding is in St. Louis, MO. Most of his family is outside Minneapolis.

Getting back the RSVPs and we're getting a very small turn-out from his side (despite his side being very large).

This will probably make FI sad.

So I've been tossing around the idea of he and I throwing another reception ourselves up north when it gets warmer. We'd also like to invite children to this one, because it would be more casual and it would be a lot of fun to have the kids there.

So I know the rule is you don't invite some people to certain events but not all of them. Would this rule still apply here? Or could we get by since it's the same adults being invited to each?

Though I guess we'd need to invite EVERYONE to this reception as well, even those not in MN?

Now I'm just answering my own question here... is that just a bad idea? And instead we should throw a separate party, not call it a reception, and just invite who we want to from MN?

stellaella

I always live by the words of Miranda Hobbs: You get a day. 

Stick to one reception. I think the only time where you can have 2 celebrations is an ATH after a destination wedding. 

J&K10910

Since your wedding is in January, I'm assuming your RSVP date isn't for awhile.  Why don't you wait and see how many people actually RSVP?  I think it's a little silly to throw yourself another reception (do you really want all that hassle again?).  If you want to see those people, have a family get together or go up to visit, or whatever, but don't call it a reception.

salt78

No. One reception. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:00f116f2-7516-44e0-a6e4-3b77d0cddde1">Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I always live by the words of Miranda Hobbs: You get a day. 
Posted by stellaella[/QUOTE]
*giggles*

Throwing two receptions just sounds like more work than it's worth. As PP suggested, wait to see what happens when you get closer to the actual date.
 

danieliza1127

You don't have to throw multiple parties just because some people are declining your wedding invitation.  Who is to say whether they would come if you threw another party in the summer?  Maybe they would have other plans or just not want to go.  I say, stick with your wedding plans and be done with it. 

If a lot of his family realizes "hey none of us are going to the wedding, let's have a little party for the couple" then fine, but I think it's unnecessary for you to throw another party just to include people who are already included and deciding not to attend. It's presumptuous I think.

cherbein

I wouldn't worry about it and just go forward with one reception.  As I keep telling myself when I get frustrated over things "you can't control the universe".  You can't make FI's family attend the wedding and if they choose not to come to that there's no saying whether they'd attend your second party anyways as PP said.

Take a deep breath, see how the chips fall and remember that no matter what the two most important people will be there, you and your FI.

Mrs.B6302007

I vote one.  Two is way too much work and too expensive.

PsyDet 2155

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:00f116f2-7516-44e0-a6e4-3b77d0cddde1">Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I always live by the words of Miranda Hobbs: You get a day.  Stick to one reception.  
Posted by stellaella[/QUOTE]

This.

Jelenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:aad6d9cb-0a34-40cf-9059-e9a08d1be33c">Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok. Getting married in January. <strong>Invited all of FI's family EXCEPT those under 21. </strong>Wedding is in St. Louis, MO. Most of his family is outside Minneapolis. Getting back the RSVPs and we're getting a very small turn-out from his side (despite his side being very large). This will probably make FI sad. So I've been tossing around the idea of he and I throwing another reception ourselves up north when it gets warmer. We'd also like to invite children to this one, because it would be more casual and it would be a lot of fun to have the kids there. So I know the rule is you don't invite some people to certain events but not all of them. Would this rule still apply here? Or could we get by since it's the same adults being invited to each? Though I guess we'd need to invite EVERYONE to this reception as well, even those not in MN? Now I'm just answering my own question here... is that just a bad idea? And instead we should throw a separate party, not call it a reception, and just invite who we want to from MN?
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]


I agree with everyone else but was there a reason only the FI's side had a cutoff of 21 years?  Just curious

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Eh, I wouldn't do it. It just wouldn't occur to me to throw ANOTHER wedding related party for myself. Sometimes people can't make the wedding. And that's okay. I know - we live in a state none of our family members live in. If we planned a wedding close to the MOST family members it would have been in Iowa where my husband's extended family lives - and where neither of us have ever lived. You made the choice to hold the wedding in St. Louis and unfortunately those are the breaks. Lots of people marry people from other cities/states nowadays and unfortunately that just comes with some hard realities.

marissa_claire

Only one party is actually the reception, and that's the one after your ceremony. 

I guess I'm curious as to why you're surprised by this and just now wondering about it.  Didn't you and FI have an idea that these people might not come if it was adults only?  

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'm kinda left to wonder why anyone would go to a second reception after not going  to or not being invited to the second reception.  It just sounds shitty to me.  Like, "Oh, I didn't want your bratty kid to come to our real one, but you and the rascal can come to our next one."  Also, who wants to go to two receptions? 

Just have one.  Jeez.

aurianna

I'm assuming people aren't coming because of the distance; not because of the no children thing, as many of the cousins' weddings they have in MN are fairly well attended.
I only mentioned the children thing at all because if we were going to have a second reception that was more convenient for his side of the family, then we might as well go all the way and make it kid friendly. There was no hidden, wicked agenda there.

Wedding is in 30 days and with the holidays the caterer would like the headcount pretty soon. Invites went out mid November so I think we have the bulk of the responses we're going to have.

Family is important to FI so I think he'd like an event where more were there. We'll see how invites pan out in the end and decide whether we'll throw a separate party or not.

Thanks!

[QUOTE]I'm kinda left to wonder why anyone would go to a second reception after not going  to or not being invited to the second reception.  It just sounds shitty to me.  Like, "Oh, I didn't want your bratty kid to come to our real one, but you and the rascal can come to our next one."  Also, who wants to go to two receptions?  Just have one.  Jeez.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
And for the record we didn't not invite anyone with "rascals"; we just didn't invite the rascals. Though this was the attitude I wanted to avoid, hence why I asked the question if it would be ok or not. So thanks. I think.

salt78

I still think that's pretty lame. You should have thought of this when you first picked your location. 

Jelenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:f8e3a6f6-1ba9-426d-8943-9420d2500187">Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not? : I'm pretty sure both sides probably did.  She just wasn't talking about her side of the family.  I think you read it wrong.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Gotcha....been one of those days

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:fdb14acf-3654-4c94-a593-c062992c8904">Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still think that's pretty lame. You should have thought of this when you first picked your location. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

I know, right? The audacity to want to throw the wedding in the bride's hometown.
I should have thought that one through better. Or maybe I did... considering my side of the family live in rural areas far from airports, but his family all lives within an hour of one and plane tickets in January aren't much more than two tanks of gas. Still lame I guess though...

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-one-chilldren-one-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7ce6abe-2706-40f8-966a-c94d75829ca7Post:8dfb461a-cd78-4270-ae25-e390c9f03b6a">Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Two receptions? One chilldren, one not? :  The audacity to want to throw the wedding in the bride's hometown. 
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

<div>You're preaching to the wrong person, honey. I got married in another country with the knowledge that some people wouldn't be able to travel. We had 15 guests. We did not have another party because it was what we set ourselves up for in the beginning.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Why are you having no kids? (Some people are fine going to a no-kids wedding locally, but logistically, it's hard to go to a no-kids wedding OOT and leave their kids or find a sitter in a strange city.)

If it's for monetary reasons... I can't imagine you'd be saving much money by having a big party for his relatives and his relatives kids. If it's because of venue restrictions, I guess it makes more sense. But I still wouldn't do it.

cengle

Meh, I wouldn't.  None of my extended family came, and while I was a bit sad about it, it is what it is.  Throwing a whole other party just sounds like way too much time and expense.  And honestly, I think it will look kinda AW-ish.  Certainly go and visit if you want to see them, but don't make it a wedding-related type party. 

cengle

Oh, and by the way, where are you having your reception, fellow St. Louis bride?

aurianna

Reasons for no kids at reception: Black-tie optional, evening wedding. Just not appropriate for kids. Plus open bar and Mom doesn't want to deal with any sort of liability issues. Also venue space and budgetary in that Mom's paying for wedding. If we were to do a second reception it would be be on FI and I.

I understand it's harder to find someone to care for the kids if it's for a weekend vs a few hours, though it's also hard to travel with a bunch of kids too, because the alternative to all the extra plane tickets is a 13 hour car ride, so again I think the distance is the deciding factor there more than anything. It's a sticky situation either way, but we knew that going in. What's done is done.

Yay! St. Louis bride! We're having the ceremony at Shrine of St. Joseph down town and Reception in the Statler Room (formally An American Place restaurant) in the Renaissance Grand hotel. You? Or should we PM (does the Knot even have PMs?)

ECI1151

Has FI talked to his relatives to find out why the majority of them can't come? If it had to do with not being able to bring the kids along then maybe you could offer to set up a babysitter at someones house to watch all of the kids that are still at the age of needing a babysitter while the ceremony and reception are going on...and offer to pay for it too.

I'm just wondering if distance would all the sudden not be such a problem if they could have their children traveling with them. And that would be a solution where the kids could travel with the parents but you wouldn't have to add a whole bunch of people to your guest list.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

If you don't want kids there you can't be surprised if their parents don't want to come.

Also, if people really want to come to your wedding, they'll come.  No matter where it is.  Having two receptions isn't accommodating, it's "hey everyone come to our party and give us gifts."

Anyway, good luck and congrats.