invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding---HELP! (long)

Arturabeth

Hi ladies!

I've had some issues with an old friend of my fiance's. She's a nice girl and like a big sister to him so I wanted to get to know her.

Well it turns out she got engaged officially while we were sort of not officially engaged. As soon as she found out that we were engaged and that our wedding is 4 days before hers, all hell broke lose. She told me things like we should wait. We should change our date. We're taking over her wedding week, and yada yada yada... She was really upset that I'm getting married before she is and she's been with her fiance for longer than I've been with mine.

She told be it was not possible for her and her fiance to attend our wedding so to not even send an invitation. Than a few weeks later she complaining to my sister in law that she didn't get an invitation to our wedding!

She thought we would be on our honeymoon so she wasn't planning on sending us an invitation to her wedding, but I told her we aren't leaving until the week after our wedding. (I have school) Then she told me to send her my address and she'll send an invitation.

She sent out her invitations and I didn't get one. But I got an invitation form her sister to attend the bridal shower.

Should I ask her if I'm still invited to the wedding before I go to the bridal shower? 

achiduck

Well she sounds just lovely.

Since you've already disucssed attending each other's weddings I would call her and double check that you're invited to the wedding. There's a chance the invitation could be lost in the mail, but from her past behaviour she may not have sent one out of spite or whatnot. Honestly, I probably wouldn't go if she's going to be such a big baby about the whole thing.

MyUserName1

Well, bless her heart.

Do you actually want to attend her wedding and shower?  If i were you I would politely decline the shower invitation and let the wedding invitation go.

AceTT

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-to-the-bridal-shower-and-not-the-wedding-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d831d0a2-74fb-4643-8715-783876c102e8Post:3be11de2-8349-48d5-98e8-f669f3ee49ce">Re: invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding---HELP! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, bless her heart. Do you actually want to attend her wedding and shower?  If i were you I would politely decline the shower invitation and let the wedding invitation go.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
This. She doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be around.</div>

sbelle85

I agree with PP. Decline the shower invitation, and don't mention the wedding invitation. If she calls you to ask about it later, decline. "Thanks for thinking of us but we'll be unable to attend."

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-to-the-bridal-shower-and-not-the-wedding-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d831d0a2-74fb-4643-8715-783876c102e8Post:3be11de2-8349-48d5-98e8-f669f3ee49ce">Re: invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding---HELP! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, bless her heart. Do you actually want to attend her wedding and shower?  If i were you I would politely decline the shower invitation and let the wedding invitation go.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

I agree with this as well. Personally I wouldn't want to go to either one.

Arturabeth

The thing is I was really looking forward to her wedding. I seem to be forgotten by my friends when it comes to wedding invitations, so I was looking forward to this one. But I'd rather not be all snooty like the way she is being. She doesn't know about the bridal shower, it's a surprise. and I RSVPed to the bridal shower before the invitations were sent out.

Meegles4

Did the wedding invitation for you go to your FI instead and have both your names on it (or at least FI and guest)? I have no idea if you guys live together, but either way, I'm confused why you'd get your own wedding invitation. If your FI got an invitation, you should have been on that one.

I agree with PPs, she sounds like a peach. Likes to bait and switch. If I didn't know anyone else that would be at the shower and this isn't a close friend to you, I'd likely decline it anyway...and even more so given this behavior.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-to-the-bridal-shower-and-not-the-wedding-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d831d0a2-74fb-4643-8715-783876c102e8Post:083a3971-d55d-4c27-90f7-d2baf7ae623a">Re: invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding---HELP! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is I was really looking forward to her wedding. I seem to be forgotten by my friends when it comes to wedding invitations, so I was looking forward to this one. But I'd rather not be all snooty like the way she is being. She doesn't know about the bridal shower, it's a surprise. and I RSVPed to the bridal shower before the invitations were sent out.
Posted by Arturabeth[/QUOTE]

If you really do want to go, then I would call her. Or better yet, have your FI call her since she's really his friend.

Arturabeth

He lives with his parents. They and his sister got an invitation. But we didn't get one.

Meegles4

Wait. Your FI -- who this girl is like a big sister to -- didn't even get an invitation for himself?

That's weird, yo. I'd just write the whole thing off. Assume you're not invited and move on. Sounds like she's being a little passive-aggressive.

ETA: Dear TK, stop randomly centering my posts.

HandBanana

I agree with everyone else about letting it slide.  Even if you really want to go, it might be more trouble than it is worth to say anything.

DelBride2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-to-the-bridal-shower-and-not-the-wedding-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d831d0a2-74fb-4643-8715-783876c102e8Post:307b3f56-af1e-4401-ba4b-dd3e586c83eb">Re: invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding---HELP! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]He lives with his parents. They and his sister got an invitation. But we didn't get one.
Posted by Arturabeth[/QUOTE]
I hate to defend this girl, because she sounds like she's being a pill on purpose, but wires do get crossed when it comes to sending and addressing invitations. I just realized my former boss' wife got left off his invitation when it was addressed. CRAP! It happens. 

Arturabeth

I spoke with her and she said she ran out of room and she has more people invited then she has room for. If she ends up inviting us that great, if not I don't really care. Turns out the day of her bridal shower we are having our long over do engagement pictures done and in the evening I'm doing my boudoir photos. I won't be able to go to the bridal shower anyway.

Thanks for the advice ladies!