Adoption Issue

k&t2011

I am getting ready to send out invites within the next week or so.  Last week, one of my friends found out that he and wife were approved to adopt a daughter. The adoption isn't finalized but should be by the time of the wedding.  I want to make sure that the family knows their daughter is welcome (they currently do not have children), so I was going to include "and family" on the invite.  Should I do this even though the adoption isn't finalized?

Snippylynn

Hrm.  I think it would be okay to say "and family"

feelslikeadream

Sure why not..I think it might make them smile  Maybe this is a dumb answer but if I was in their position and adopting it would be a huge exciting moment and seeing that on an invite would make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

missy68

I'd agree with this.

Also, keep in mind if they are adopting from another state, they might be stuck there for a couple of weeks before they can leave and then get permission to re-enter their own state.

But that's really happy news!

[Deleted User]

I think in this situation, it would be fine to say "and family."

I have known people who have adopted and the process can often take longer than anticipated, so you just never know.

missy68

Yes - my brother and SIL were in CA with their last adoption for 8-10 days before they were released, but they were not yet permitted back in their home state, so they had to stay with my parents for a couple of days. Then they got the ok to come home.

A similar thing happened with the first adoption, except they were in AZ for a longer period of time, and it only took a day to be permitted to reenter their state.

SirJuliusVonHaast

I think "and family" is fine, but one other option is to include a personal note inside the invitation saying that of course their daughter is welcome. 

achiduck

I think "and family" is perfectly acceptable. Or, like the PP said you can include a special note inside the invite that lets the couple know how thrilled you are for them and that their daughter is more then welcome to attend.

irisheyezrsmilen

i think adding "family" would be nice, especially since they are prob ready to  burst with happiness and seeing their first invite that says family would be icing on the cake. its just sweet, Congrats to them!

JCM10

I agree with PPs that "and family" is good, and they'll love seeing it. But why no just put the child's name on it? Do you not know it? I know with my aunt and uncles adoption last year, we were talking about my cousin by name for about a year...although that was a foreign one, and I don't know if it works the same here with privacy laws and such. But they definitely referred to him as a member of the family as soon as they got their referral for him. Go for it, they'll be happy!

missy68

Brother and SIL kept their children's name to themselves, and that was the surprise for us. We knew everything else.

OP - do they have physical custody and are just waiting for the adoption to be finalized in the courts, or are they waiting to get the child?

JGnSV

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8381e58-28eb-4e72-a243-3b95788a24e8Post:55d119cd-1efc-46dc-a279-bd20bafb18f7">Re: Adoption Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I think "and family" is perfectly acceptable. Or, like the PP said you can include a special note inside the invite that lets the couple know how thrilled you are for them and that their daughter is more then welcome to attend.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly. Go for it! This will show that you are super-supportive of their growing family, even though it might happen around the time of your wedding.

k&t2011

They don't even have physical custody yet.  The child is a 16 year old girl (in the same state). She was removed from an abusive home and her bio parents' rights were terminated.  She will come live with them in late May (a couple of weeks before the wedding).  My biggest concern was that somehow the adoption wouldn't happen at all and then is the invite just a cruel reminder. 

sarah0725

I kind of like the idea of a personal note for this kind of thing, or call them and tell them, or both of those.

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8381e58-28eb-4e72-a243-3b95788a24e8Post:580c37da-70f7-48f5-a38c-c263d87d9e33">Re: Adoption Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]They don't even have physical custody yet.  The child is a 16 year old girl (in the same state). She was removed from an abusive home and her bio parents' rights were terminated.  She will come live with them in late May (a couple of weeks before the wedding).  My biggest concern was that somehow the adoption wouldn't happen at all and then is the invite just a cruel reminder. 
Posted by k&t2011[/QUOTE]

That's what I was wondering about. My brother and SIL had this happen to them twice with infants and it was incredibly painful. I'm now on the fence here.

If that is the case, you might want to mention it by word of mouth instead. That shows you're supportive of what  they are doing (which is incredible, bringing a teen into their home - I applaud them), and are welcoming the girl as part of the family.
Count them as 3 when their RSVP comes back