Wedding Etiquette Forum

Frustrating Bridesmaid

EDIT:  I want to thank everyone for the responses.  I'm about to read the second half of them now.  This is 100% real, except very toned down from the actual situation.  I'm the bridesmaid.  I wanted the bride's perspective.  You would never believe how bad she actually is.  She was also dumb enough to put all of this in writing so my entire family knows everything and she can't deny it.  I wish I could show her this thread, though I'm also future SIL so I can't.  I appreciate the support.  She has no idea, nor do I think she cares, what her future husband's side of the family thinks of her now.  We are very upset with who she really is.  BTW, I really didn't know what the acronyms meant and I can't find where their reference list link is.

I'm getting married October 2012.  I went shopping with my MOH the other day and found THE bridesmaids dress.  I was so excited and sent everyone a text and emailed them the information as soon as I got home.  I told them how much it was and that the salon was waiting for their deposits but it needed to be ordered right away. 

One bridesmaid emails back questioning the price.  She said it should've been discounted since there are 10 bridesmaids.  She said she checked around and found it at a lower at other salons and wants to order from them instead.  I want it from this salon, it's my wedding.  $70 is not a big deal for my peace of mind.  I told her I know it's available for less but this is what I want and she won't let it go.  I told her I didn't want the other bridesmaids knowing about this.  She's arguing that they're authorized salons, the BBB says they're good, yada, yada.  I want it from my salon.  Oh, and she also doesn't want to order it now, she says we have time and she just had a baby so she wants to wait until Spring to get sized and order the dress because it will be in by July, she had the nerve to check with the other salons and even call the manufacturer because she didn't believe me about my salon saying they had to order now.  She sent me the information from the other salons, quotes, etc and is mad that I refuse to look at them.

She's complaining because I didn't ask the bridesmaids budget.  I've had to buy bridesmaids dresses that weren't in my budget before and that's just how it works.  She's trying to change what I want but she keeps saying she's not trying to change what I want, but bridesmaids should be able to order it from the less expensive place and they don't have to order now.  I want everything organized and done how I want it.  Why can't she just go along with the program?
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Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid

  • I call MUD.

    But if you're real, then you're batshiit crazy and way out of line. You should have asked her what she could afford to spend on a dress before picking one out.
    Lizzie
  • You should have asked them their budgets.  She is post-partum, she should be allowed time to get down to her pre-baby weight.

    You need to slow your roll there, bridezilla.
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  • well unfortunately some people dont have the money. i dont see what the big deal is that she tried to find a better deal. and the wedding is almost a year away. what if one of the girls gets pregnant ot gains weight? it seems super early to be ordering already. my colors changed so many times i would have been screwed if we ordered that far in advance.

    it doesnt sound like she is trying to change what you want- sounds like she cant pay that much and found a better deal. calm down.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it is the same dress and she can find it cheaper, then let her order it wherever she wants. Plus, she has plenty of time to order it.

    If you are not paying for it, then let her find it cheaper. If you want 'peace of mind' pay for it yourself.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:6fe429b0-5861-488e-8a6f-709979b2f1a7">Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married October 2012.  I went shopping with my MOH the other day and found THE bridesmaids dress.  I was so excited and sent everyone a text and emailed them the information as soon as I got home.  I told them how much it was and that the salon was waiting for their deposits but it needed to be ordered right away.  One bridesmaid emails back questioning the price.  She said it should've been discounted since there are 10 bridesmaids.  She said she checked around and found it at a lower at other salons and wants to order from them instead.  I want it from this salon, it's my wedding.  $70 is not a big deal for my peace of mind. <strong>That's a lot of money just to buy the dress at a specific place.</strong> I told her I know it's available for less but this is what I want and she won't let it go.  I told her I didn't want the other bridesmaids knowing about this.  She's arguing that they're authorized salons, the BBB says they're good, yada, yada.  I want it from my salon.  Oh, and she also doesn't want to order it now, she says we have time and she just had a baby so she wants to wait until Spring to get sized and order the dress because it will be in by July,<strong>  She has plenty of time.  </strong>she had the nerve to check with the other salons and even call the manufacturer because she didn't believe me about my salon saying they had to order now.  She sent me the information from the other salons, quotes, etc and is mad that I refuse to look at them. She's complaining because I didn't ask the bridesmaids budget. <strong>Well you should have.</strong> I've had to buy bridesmaids dresses that weren't in my budget before and that's just how it works.  <strong>No it's not. </strong> She's trying to change what I want but she keeps saying she's not trying to change what I want, but bridesmaids should be able to order it from the less expensive place and they don't have to order now. <strong>Well they should be able to/ </strong> I want everything organized and done how I want it.  Why can't she just go along with the program?  <strong>Because you're being incredibly overbearing.</strong>
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    I really hope this is MUD.
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  • Yeah, I don't really believe that this is real either. 
  • Pretty Bridezillay...

    If the exact same dress is available cheaper elsewhere, then yes, by all means order there.

    Also, your BM has plenty of time to get the dress.  It's sounds like she's being smart and doing her research as opposed to what you did.
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  • Yeah, she is acting like SUCH an asshole.

    Oh wait, no, it's not her.

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  • She is 100% right on all counts.

    You need to apologize for being crazy, ask everyone for a budget, and then start over.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:faa20753-634c-4f85-b6fe-7aff023178f3">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should have asked them their budgets.  She is post-partum, she should be allowed time to get down to her pre-baby weight. <strong><u>You need to slow your roll there, bridezilla.</u></strong>
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]


    lol
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  • You're out of line.  Your friend is absolutely correct that you should have asked your bridesmaids' budgets before picking a dress.  Its rude not to.

    Secondly, it sounds like she has found a really reasonable option to bring this into her budget.  $70 difference for the same dress is a big deal.  It frankly sounds like your salon is ripping you off.  As long as its the same dress, it really, really, really does not matter if they all came from the same salon.  They'll feed you some BS about "dye lots."  My girls' dresses all came from different salons and all looked fine together.  The dye lots are not a big deal anymore.   If you think the $70 is not a big deal, you should cover it for all of your bridesmaids, since you are making them order from a more expensive salon.

    As far as the order date - if she orders too late and it doesn't arrive, then she's not in the wedding party.  Otherwise, let that go, too.

    And finally: "I want everything organized and done how I want it."  Those are bridezilla words, especially in this context.
  • You are wrong here.  All kinds of wrong.

    Is it the same dress?  $70 for YOUR peace of mind... do you know how much money that is to someone else?  Your peace of mind is not worth that much.  As long as it's from a reputable dealer, they will be fine.  If you want them to shell out an extra $70 each, then you pay for it if it's not such a big deal.  That extra $700 for your piece of mind should be fine, right?  No problem? 

    You are making them order WAY too early.  They take max 4 months to come in at most places.  They could order them in May and they would be here on time.

    You should have asked their budgets first.  Times are tough right now, and it's unfair and really rude to just assume that they can pay for whatever your little heart contents. 

    Be a friend to these girls.  I'm assuming you picked them because you care for them.  So act like it. 
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  • Umm seriously?? If I were your BM, I'd drop out. You're being ridiculous by expecting them to order so soon (my wedding is in June and only half my BMs have ordered - there's plenty of time). And you didn't get their input on budget but  you expect THEM to pay for it? And you didn't even consult them on their preferences for style? And you expect THEM to wear it?

    I really hope this is MUD b/c if it's it not, you're already a Bridezilla!
  • I'm going to call MUD on this one.  

    BUT, in case this is real, I think you are completely out of line here.  You should have asked her what her budget was (privately) in the first place.  I've been in a wedding where I was expected to order a dress out of my price range and it sucked.  Why does it even matter where she orders the dress from?  It's the same designer, dress and color.  

    Second, with the way you throw around "I want" makes you sound spoiled and entitled.  

    Finally, if she doesn't order the dress for a couple of more months in order to get back to her pre-baby weight, it really won't be a big issue.  I can understand wanting to have a check next to this to-do, but it will be in in time.  I got married in October and I think most of the BMs didn't order their dresses until sometime in May.  They came in with plenty of time.

    Give your BMs some slack here or it's going to be a long, frustrating 10 months for both sides.
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  • I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
  • I really hope this is MUD. But if not you are WAYYY out of line.

    I'm an October 2012 bride too and we haven't even started looking for BM dresses and don't plan on it until February so you have LOTS of time for the girls to get their dresses.

    You 1000000% should have asked your BM's their budget. It's horribly rude of you otherwise. So if they can get it for $70 cheaper then you should be happy for them that they don't have to spend so much money and get off your high horse.

    Just because you've had to purchase dresses above your budget in the past doesn't mean that you should force your girls to do the same. You're supposed to be their friend, so how about you go with the program and make their lives a little easier?
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    MUD=made up drama.

    Why (if it is the same dress) do they have to order from a salon that is ripping them off? Why didn't you make sure they could afford this dress? They are your friends.  You should still act like a friend, not a crazy bride that everything is all about me me me.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    <div>MUD = Made Up Drama.</div><div>
    </div><div>You sound like a bridezilla.  I know this is an important day, but I'm not sure I would go so far as to say it's "the most important day of my life!"  What about the day you (maybe) give birth your your future child(ren)? </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    This is a website full of people who are either planning a wedding or have recently planned a wedding.  "The most important day of their lives," as you call it.  If everyone here is telling you that you are out of line and can treat your bridesmaids better than this - then you can.  The married ladies here had beautiful weddings, without mistreating or losing their friends in the process.  You should take some notes.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    You might not realize it yet, but you're definitely acting rather bridezilla-esque. This person is your friend, and you need to treat her as such.

    And so many of the ladies here, who are already married, are telling you that there is no reason to expect or need someone to order their dress just yet. Especially because it's a busy and expensive time of the year for people. And double especially because she's pregnant!

    If $70 is no big deal to you, you should pay it for her. She's doing the responsible thing by trying to make your vision come true while still staying within her budget (which she wouldn't have had to do if <em>you</em> did the proper and kind thing and asked all your BMs their budget before picking a dress). If you can't see that, then you need a serious reality check. Quickly.
    Lizzie
  • I think if I were your bridesmaid, I'd make sure I told all the other girls that the same dress was available at $70 cheaper.  $70 is a TON of money to some of us.  If they all order from the cheaper salon, you won't have to worry about dye lots and everyone will be thrilled they saved a ton o' cash...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]
    MUD means Made Up Drama.


    And the fact that you said, "but this is real" right afterwards in the same sentence... tells us that you know what MUD means.
    And I still think this is MUD.


    Just in case...
    Just because you had to shell out money without being asked how much you could afford doesn't mean you should be doing it to other people. They were wrong to do it to you and you are wrong to do it to them.

    You can't have everything you want in life.

    It's just a dress and she has plenty of time to get one.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:cbd41ef2-2579-446f-8cf1-780c6e5ed2b0">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid : MUD means Made Up Drama. <strong>And the fact that you said, "but this is real" right afterwards in the same sentence... tells us that you know what MUD means.</strong> And I still think this is MUD. Just in case... Just because you had to shell out money without being asked how much you could afford doesn't mean you should be doing it to other people. They were wrong to do it to you and you are wrong to do it to them. You can't have everything you want in life. It's just a dress and she has plenty of time to get one.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    Good call!
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla,<strong> I want everything organized and taken care of early.</strong>
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, me too, but not at the expense of my friends.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:43f7848c-b4ef-4069-b509-af0f2ae093ec">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid : Nice catch!
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I didn't know, I was simply talking about other posts that said this wasn't real.  I'm new to this, I don't know the acroynms.  MUD - dirty, bad  Now I know.  There should be a reference list for people.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  <strong>This is the most important day of my life.</strong>  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If this is really the most important day of your life I feel sorry for you. Get ready for the long ride downhill. And you'll probably be lonely too, considereing you are ok with alienating all your friends over something as ultimately inconsequential as a bridesmaid dress.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:f5f38dd7-d351-417e-adff-10f2231c0a8d">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what MUD is but this is real.  This is the most important day of my life.  I can't believe nobody agrees with me.  I'm not bridezilla, I want everything organized and taken care of early.
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]
    You are being WAY over the top. WAY. It takes a few months (tops) for BM dresses to come in, she's going to lose weight, and $70 bucks IS a lot of money for someone who just had a baby and then, will probably have to have major alterations for a wedding tht is a YEAR away.  She could lose all her weight and have to basicallly have an entirely new dress made.<div>
    </div><div>Chill the frig out lady. The 'most important day of my life' went perfectly, even though I didn't even decide on a dress until 3 months out. THE WORLD WILL NOT END.</div><div>
    </div><div>ANd yes. You're not just being bridezilla, but SUPER bridezilla.  Save yourself the problems later and work on relaxing, otherwise you will be an absolute mess in about 6 months.  Not to mention, think about the friendships you might destroy along the way.</div><div>
    </div><div>To me, that's MUCH more important than your wedding. If it isn't that way to you, then I wouldn't mind losing you as a friend anyway.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:6fe429b0-5861-488e-8a6f-709979b2f1a7">Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married October 2012.  I went shopping with my MOH the other day and found THE bridesmaids dress.  I was so excited and sent everyone a text and emailed them the information as soon as I got home.  I told them how much it was and that the salon was waiting for their deposits but it needed to be ordered right away.  One bridesmaid emails back questioning the price.  She said it should've been discounted since there are 10 bridesmaids.  She said she checked around and found it at a lower at other salons and wants to order from them instead.  I want it from this salon, it's my wedding.  $70 is not a big deal for my peace of mind.  I told her I know it's available for less but this is what I want and she won't let it go.  I told her I didn't want the other bridesmaids knowing about this.  She's arguing that they're authorized salons, the BBB says they're good, yada, yada.  I want it from my salon.  Oh, and she also doesn't want to order it now, she says we have time and she just had a baby so she wants to wait until Spring to get sized and order the dress because it will be in by July, she had the nerve to check with the other salons and even call the manufacturer because she didn't believe me about my salon saying they had to order now.  She sent me the information from the other salons, quotes, etc and is mad that I refuse to look at them. She's complaining because I didn't ask the bridesmaids budget.  I've had to buy bridesmaids dresses that weren't in my budget before and that's just how it works.  She's trying to change what I want but she keeps saying she's not trying to change what I want, but bridesmaids should be able to order it from the less expensive place and they don't have to order now.  I want everything organized and done how I want it.  Why can't she just go along with the program?
    Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    This is a joke, right?
    panther
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:44b1bd8c-d008-475e-8edb-20081442c36c">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid : If this is really the most important day of your life I feel sorry for you. Get ready for the long ride downhill. And you'll probably be lonely too, considereing you are ok with alienating all your friends over something as ultimately inconsequential as a bridesmaid dress.
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly what I was going to say.  I like being in Anna's head.  It's pretty and smart in here.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_frustrating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d8cff558-93a8-4b95-97f8-b40915bf78c7Post:33dac0cf-596c-42d6-8917-2714fee32690">Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrating Bridesmaid : I didn't know, I was simply talking about other posts that said this wasn't real.  I'm new to this, I don't know the acroynms.  MUD - dirty, bad  Now I know.  <strong>There should be a reference list for people.
    </strong>Posted by sayyestotexas[/QUOTE]

    It's at the top of the board.
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