Invite Rant

Ven&Radio

Last night the invitation to my fiancee's cousin's wedding arrived.  The first thing I noticed is my name is nowhere on it (not to mention, nothing was hand written).  After the months I've spent with my wedding coordinator and on the knot, learning how to put together a wedding, I'm pretty offended.  I'm not even clear if I'm actually invited.  My fiancee moved 600 miles away from his family to be with my in 2009, so his cousin knows there's significant travel involved for us.  We visit his family at least once every year (including a big family christmas), so his cousin has met me repeatedly and I always thought I was liked/accepted by his whole family. 

Other faux paxs (did I spell that right?) about the invite that I noticed and am nitpicking on because I'm angry:

1.  We received the invite on 2/19 -- the RSVP date is 3/4 (less than two weeks away) for a 4/20 wedding.  Good thing we knew the date in advance and already took the time off from work we need.

2.  The hotel blocks expire in "March" -- no specific date, nor did it say if we need to specifically reference "the Smith wedding" or something to get the group rate

3.  It clearly says "Adult reception only".  Now, I support having a child-free wedding, but it's down right rude to just come out and say it on the invite.

4.  The envelopes were labeled with stickers that had been printed off a computer, rather than by hand

I'm actually surprised there isn't a card letting us know where they registered.  I guess that's the one thing they got right.  Ugh.  Thanks for letting me rant.

hoffse

That's annoying but try to let it go - have your FI call and confirm that you are invited.  My guess is somebody's mom, aunt, or grandma has a family list on an excel sheet somewhere that they emailed to the couple - the couple printed it out on sticky notes and that was that.  Everything you describe sounds like they are clueless, and it really might not be a slight against you.

I'll be honest - invitations, thank yous, etc. are the one thing I'm really picky about.  I truly couldn't care less about most other things, but poor correspondence is my biggest pet peeve.  I even dislike labels on STD cards - I actually sort of dislike STD cards in general because they are redundant - but labels just scream lazy to me, and makes me wonder if I will actually get a thank you note within a reasonable time frame from the couple (so far, we are batting 0 for 3 in terms of timely thank you notes and people who send social correspondence with labels... see, I even know who they are lol).

Even so, try to let it go.  Like I said I bet they had a list from some other family member and didn't check it to make sure people's SO's were on it.  If you're truly not invited, then I think that gives you plenty of license to be extra ragey, but I would check first.

princess pop

In defense of their labels, I have really bad handwriting, so I typed everyones addresses and names on the computer and printed them out. Didn't even realize it would be considered rude until reading this. Just thought it would be nice if they were legible.

BAS19

I agree Princess, unless I can get my MOH to do her fake calligraphy on my invites there is no way I am hand writing them. I have terrible handwriting and am surprised birthday and holiday cards get to their destination. I think a pretty calligraphy type font is way better than my handwriting.

The rest of the bad etiquette however is unacceptable.

Loopyseven

I used a calligraphy font and printed directly onto my invitation envelopes.  It looked a lot nicer than if I'd hand written them.  

As for the rest, it sounds like they just don't know any better, so I wouldn't get too bent out of shape at this point.  If your FI talks to them to confirm that you are, in fact, invited and it turns out you are not - then you can be upset.

TheBaysideBride

My FI was offended that my brother and his FI used my FI's nickname on the invite and not his formal name - considered it beyond rude.
I told him what I'll tell you: just take a deep breath and remember this process is stressful for everyone. Everyone makes oversites, and they are 90 percent of the time not designed to offend.

I got chewed out by a woman in another state who was angry that after looking at BM dresses at her store, I ordered them in my home state. Whatever. I honestly wasn't thinking about that stranger's feeligns while dealing w/ six BM's in four states. But I said a nice apology and moved on.