FI's job...vent/advice (long)

heather011

Hi ladies

This is going to be a post and run but I could really use some advice.  FI is currently articling working towards a designation as a Certified Accountant.  He works full time at an accounting firm and then also has to complete six 8-week long "modules" (each with an exam at the end) as well as a final exam.  He just got the marks back for Module 3 and he failed the entire module (it's just a pass/fail kind of thing) so he'd have to take it again, pushing back his earliest "finish" date.  He wants to quit his job as he says that he is clearly not qualified and he doesn't enjoy it anyway. HIs office environment is a bit dysfunctional, and he had a bad week, so I know that that is also part of what's making him go the "i just want to quit" route.  I told him that if he needs to quit to be happy, then I support that because his happiness is the most important thing, but he won't listen to that and then says things like "well there's no point in quitting, I wouldn't be able to get a job anywhere else anyway".  I know that it's just his way of dealing with stress/disappointment, but it's heartbreaking to hear him get down on himself and frustrating to hear him always talk in circles.  Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can say to help him realize that this isn't the end of the world and that everything will work itself out?  Maybe if I try new wording, it will get through to him. 

(sorry this was so long!  i think i just needed to vent)  TIA 

CN: FI has a job setback and now wants to quit the career path entirely.  What can I tell him to make him see that everything happens for a reason and it will work itself out?  I tell him that I support him no matter what, but he puts so much pressure on himself that he doesn't listen

ricksang

Well first off, he should have another job lined up before her quits unless you can take on all the bills.

Have you tried explaining to him that this might be the thing he does for the rest of his life? Have you asked him if he is willing to be unhappy, career wise, for the rest of his life?  My H is going through the same thing with his job but he IS truely stuck until I get out of school or we get out debt. I understand how you feel.

lauralaur

I was in a position over the summer where I hated, hated, hated my job. There was no part of it that I liked even a little bit. My H and I decided that I should quit for the sake of my mental health, so I did, and that was a great decision. I found a job at a new firm that I like a lot better and I'm so happy I did that. It was tough, because it was a little scary for us financially, but it really worked out in the end.

Those modules sound similar to the CPA exam here in the US. It's taken in four parts in anywhere from six months to a year and usually people studying for it have to lock themselves in their rooms every weekend to study until it's done and over with (though everyone is different). The pass rate, for first-time takers, is kinda low, I think about 40% last I checked into it, but people who keep at it do get it. It takes some time, and it's not the most fun anyone's ever had, but it works out in the end for most people.

Tell him he needs to decide; he can either quit and be happy and trust that everything will work out, or he can choose to stay at his job, in which case he needs to at least decide to be OK with his job, otherwise he will drive himself crazy hating it. And yes, it is a conscious effort to be OK with a job you hate and not let it drive you batty.

hayleymajayley

does he hate the actual career or the dysfunctional office environment? might he like doing it somewhere else? if not, he needs to change careers, start finding something new ASAP and change once he's got something lined up.

heather011

Thanks for reading and commenting.  You've basically confirmed what I've been thinking/saying to him, so it's nice to know that I'm not totally out to lunch.  It's hard to say whether it's the career itself or the work environment that bothers him the most.  I mean, he doesn't like some of the things he does like auditing, but he really enjoys other aspects.  I try to remind him that in any job there's going to be tasks that you don't like and tasks that you do.  The firm he's at right now is quite small, and everyone has their own offices, and apparently everyone just stays in their own office all day, even for lunch and stuff.  FI is quite a social person, so I think a lot of the time he feels isolated, which definitely doesn't help things.

I'll just keep being supportive and reminding him that he ultimately chooses how he reacts to things and that he has to make the conscious effort to have a positive mindset about the coursework and the office work if he chooses not to quit (and he definitely won't quit before he has another job lined up).

 In the end, I suspect he will decide to keep plugging away at it.  I'll also keep reminding him that things like this are supposed to be hard but the end result will definitely be worth it.

Thanks again for listening