How did you handle inviting people you didn't want to invite?

shoegal715

You know those people you just HAVE to invite? I have a few on my list, but I don't like them. 

I don't like my cousin's fiance, as he is extremely rude to most of my family, and is a sloppy drunk. 

I don't like a girl I used to be friends with, but I went to her wedding, we're a group of 10 girls, and it would be so rude to invite all 9 girls and not her. 

Anyway, people always say: "it's your day, do what you want." But that's not entirely true - there are just some people you have to invite. 

How did you handle it? Did you stick to your guys and only invited people you love? Or did you just stuck it up and invite the people that annoy you / irritate you?

bethsmiles

In your case you have to invite the FI, but you don't have to invite the ex-friend just because you went to her wedding or you have mutual friends. On your wedding day you are going to be so busy you aren't even going to notice your cousin's FI is there.

laurenclaire1386

Honestly, there's no one on my guestlist that I actively dislike. Are there people on there that I don't really know and don't think should be on there? Yes. But whatever. I'll be married at the end of the day. At this point, I couldn't possibly care less.

marissa_claire

Ha.... there was one couple (FIL's friends) who are the most obnoxious people I've ever meet and I was so glad they couldn't come.  So glad.  

But yeah, in the scheme of things you won't really notice these folks.  You'll say hi probably, but won't have to talk to them for a while.  There's a chance that your FI's cuz will get wasted and embarrass himself, but that does nothing to reflect on your sweet little self.

Beachy730

I had a few people that I would have loved to not invite, but never would have imagined actually not doing it.  Regardless, since money or space wasn't the issue, it definitely wouldn't ever be worth the drama that would unfold from not inviting those people.

OP- while I do agree with PP saying you don't need to invite that friend, I would be doing the same thing as you and just sucking it up and inviting her. 

MISSCOURTNEY20

I invited them anyway and then they RSVP'd "No". YES!!!

shaydenise

Those that I don't like aren't showing up and didn't even have the courtesy to send back the RSVP so we had to call.

You have to invite the FI because he's her FI, but I don't see why you'd invite the "friend" if you don't like her.

FutureMrsTR

There wasn't anyone I actively disliked before inviting them, but there's at least one I actively dislike after having them at the wedding.  So you never know who'll surprise you!

squirrly

I have a close family member who annoys me to no end, but I invited her.  And she was irritating leading up to the wedding, but the day of she was fine. 

rknox88

There is one couple on our guest list I really dislike.  The dude is actually one of FI's groomsmen and then his girlfriend who I can't stand.  FI felt obligated to ask this guy to be a groomsman, claiming it would 'kill' him if he didn't ask.  I am still a little annoyed-mostly because FI doesn't even want him standing up with us.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Yeah, there's a handful of people my mom is inviting that I'd rather not have there.  But honestly - I know I won't even notice them.  Try to worry about other things

ichellemay1

Agree with PPs - you will not even notice them.

[Deleted User]

I think I win the prize on this discussion.  On my guest list is an ex-girlfriend of my fiance - actually several ex-girlfriends and an ex-wife.  These are all people who are happily married to someone else and good friends of ours except one.  Her I consider more of an acquaintance who is high maintenance and more trouble than she's worth.  Even though my fiance and I have been together for 19 years, she has always acted toward me as if I were just a passing fancy and eventually would go away and leave the field open for her.  I'm painting her darker than necessary, but she does have a passive-aggressive disposition.  It would not be unlike her to call the day before the wedding with a long story of how busy she was and forgot to send back the response card but she would still deary love to attend if possible, and, of course, we''ll say yes and then she will show up 30 minutes after the caterer has left and my brand new husband is going to feel guilty that she drove so far that he will want us to change clothes so we can take her somewhere to eat.  We've actually lived through this scenario before, and it would be classic for her to repeat this performance at our wedding.  Do I want her to come?  Not particularly, but if she does and shows up at a reasonable time, I will be the gracious hostess.  If she shows up after the caterer has left, we will do what we reasonably can but won't put ourselves out.  At least that is my plan; what will actually happen...we'll see.

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-handle-inviting-people-didnt-want-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99314ce-0fcc-4212-b28d-d2a162f545ddPost:3fa6c947-1a72-46f9-b977-8ca1dfd97e98">Re: How did you handle inviting people you didn't want to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I win the prize on this discussion.  <strong>On my guest list is an ex-girlfriend of my fiance - actually several ex-girlfriends and an ex-wife.</strong>  These are all people who are happily married to someone else and good friends of ours except one.  Her I consider more of an acquaintance who is high maintenance and more trouble than she's worth.  Even though my fiance and I have been together for 19 years, she has always acted toward me as if I were just a passing fancy and eventually would go away and leave the field open for her.  I'm painting her darker than necessary, but she does have a passive-aggressive disposition.  It would not be unlike her to call the day before the wedding with a long story of how busy she was and forgot to send back the response card but she would still deary love to attend if possible, and, of course, we''ll say yes and then she will show up 30 minutes after the caterer has left and my brand new husband is going to feel guilty that she drove so far that he will want us to change clothes so we can take her somewhere to eat.  We've actually lived through this scenario before, and it would be classic for her to repeat this performance at our wedding.  Do I want her to come?  Not particularly, but if she does and shows up at a reasonable time, I will be the gracious hostess.  If she shows up after the caterer has left, we will do what we reasonably can but won't put ourselves out.  At least that is my plan; what will actually happen...we'll see.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow...</div>

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-handle-inviting-people-didnt-want-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99314ce-0fcc-4212-b28d-d2a162f545ddPost:3fa6c947-1a72-46f9-b977-8ca1dfd97e98">Re: How did you handle inviting people you didn't want to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I win the prize on this discussion.  On my guest list is an ex-girlfriend of my fiance - actually several ex-girlfriends and an ex-wife.  These are all people who are happily married to someone else and good friends of ours except one.  Her I consider more of an acquaintance who is high maintenance and more trouble than she's worth.  Even though my fiance and I have been together for 19 years, she has always acted toward me as if I were just a passing fancy and eventually would go away and leave the field open for her.  I'm painting her darker than necessary, but she does have a passive-aggressive disposition.  It would not be unlike her to call the day before the wedding with a long story of how busy she was and forgot to send back the response card but she would still deary love to attend if possible, and, of course, we''ll say yes and then she will show up 30 minutes after the caterer has left and<strong> my brand new husband is going to feel guilty that she drove so far that he will want us to change clothes so we can take her somewhere to eat.</strong>  We've actually lived through this scenario before, and it would be classic for her to repeat this performance at our wedding.  Do I want her to come?  Not particularly, but if she does and shows up at a reasonable time, I will be the gracious hostess.  If she shows up after the caterer has left, we will do what we reasonably can but won't put ourselves out.  At least that is my plan; what will actually happen...we'll see.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

If this actually happened at your wedding, I'd say you have a husband problem, not an ex problem.

tpender13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-handle-inviting-people-didnt-want-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99314ce-0fcc-4212-b28d-d2a162f545ddPost:3fa6c947-1a72-46f9-b977-8ca1dfd97e98">Re: How did you handle inviting people you didn't want to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I win the prize on this discussion.  <strong>On my guest list is an ex-girlfriend of my fiance - actually several ex-girlfriends and an ex-wife.</strong>  These are all people who are happily married to someone else and good friends of ours except one.  Her I consider more of an acquaintance who is high maintenance and more trouble than she's worth.  Even though my fiance and I have been together for 19 years, she has always acted toward me as if I were just a passing fancy and eventually would go away and leave the field open for her.  I'm painting her darker than necessary, but she does have a passive-aggressive disposition.  It would not be unlike her to call the day before the wedding with a long story of how busy she was and forgot to send back the response card but she would still deary love to attend if possible, and, of course, we''ll say yes and then she will show up 30 minutes after the caterer has left and my brand new husband is going to feel guilty that she drove so far that he will want us to change clothes so we can take her somewhere to eat.  We've actually lived through this scenario before, and it would be classic for her to repeat this performance at our wedding.  Do I want her to come?  Not particularly, but if she does and shows up at a reasonable time, I will be the gracious hostess.  If she shows up after the caterer has left, we will do what we reasonably can but won't put ourselves out.  At least that is my plan; what will actually happen...we'll see.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

For the love of Jeebus, why???

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Two of my ex-boyfriends are in our wedding party - one of them is our best man.  And there are a few ex-girlfriends of his coming too.

But we're all on really great terms, so none of it is weird.

tpender13

I've got an ex-boyfriend coming, but only because he's now dating one of my good friends, and there are no lingering feelings or issues. It sounds like there may be in alex's case...

annagtz82

There are several people on the guestlist I don't really care to have at my wedding. Such as: my parent's aunt's/uncles/cousins/co-workers. I don't really have a relationship with these people but I put them on the guestlist becuase my dad is helping to pay for the wedding and he went on and on about how they saw my grow up..yadda yadda..

And then I have those that I am NOT inviting. It might cause some drama but these people include: my boss, and my high school best friend. I really can't stand my boss and I don't want her at my wedding and I've just lost touch with my high school best friend. She did invite me to her wedding but, I haven't talked to her in a long time and she probably wouldn't have invited me to her wedding anyway if I had not called her 2 weeks before her wedding to see how she was doing.

OP-I think there's no getting around inviting your cousin's fiance but you don't have to invite someone to your wedding just becuase they invited you to theirs. And about the girl that you don't like, if you don't keep in contact with her anymore then don't invite her.

BlueBoxBride

My former best friend is not invited. I just couldn't risk having him bring his current live-in girlfriend, who is the hottest mess of all hot messes. 

The last time I saw him in person, we were catching drinks at a restaurant and his girlfriend showed up unannounced, VERY drunk (coming from a work function!) and confrontational, started making several claims that my friend was having sex with men and that she knew about it... Repeatedly. A few weeks later, I got a text message from him that she got drunk at ANOTHER business function in front her boss and agents, had to have the wait staff at Ruth's Chris walk her out because she couldn't stand up AND then puked in his recently purchased car on the ride home! Classy! 

We're having an open bar at our wedding. No way Hardcore Kate would EVER be invited! Last thing I need is her grabbing a microphone and airing all their dirty bedroom laundry... yikes!

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-handle-inviting-people-didnt-want-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99314ce-0fcc-4212-b28d-d2a162f545ddPost:5b9674c4-41bf-4d45-a390-22e9a30ae3b7">Re: How did you handle inviting people you didn't want to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I considered not inviting her, but I really had to invite my Mother anyway.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Ha!