What if he doesnt want ANY ring?

isisaavedra

The wedding rings are a long tradition of love and eternity, and I was hoping to have a simple but chic white gold ring. 

But my boyfriend says that he does´nt tolerate anything on his hands. In fact, he even doesn´t wear a watch. Besides, he works with high voltage power sources, and he says that gold could be dangerous, because he might receive  an electric shock.

If he doesn´t want to use his ring, it´s fine for me, but I don´t know how to convince him to exchange rings during the ceremony.

I was thinking to suggest him steel - tungsten rings, what do you think?

nurse.misty

Ditto PP. It's ok if he doesn't want to wear a ring. You could have him put the ring on  just you at the ceremony, or wait and have him do it privately after the wedding with just the 2 of you.

sarah0725

Yeah, just tell people that if it's good enough for the Royal Family, it's good enough for you - I think it's a longstanding tradition for men not to do wedding rings in the Royal Family, and also maybe in Britain in general (not sure about the last part though).

Your FI has a legitimate concern with rings and work safety - I've definitely heard this discussed before on the boards. Charlie is worried about it also, although he is mainly concerned with being able to cut off the ring in the event of injury, since he does lots of dangerous sports and stuff. It's a concern.

If you're feeling like there is something missing from your ceremony, you could add another hand-related ritual, like maybe a handfasting where your minister ties your hands together. There's lots of information online about handfastings, and I could give you some suggestions if you want to go that route.

mob2689

I can totaly understand why he wouldn;t want to wear one.But not to have one at all? After a while rings just become a part of you and you "forget" that you are wearing one once you get used to onbe. In your FI case and line of work you don't want him to to have that feeling of it being on and "forget".  I would be perplexed as well, maybe get a ring that you think he likes use it in the ceremony and he can chose what to do with it. I have seen H's put them on a chain(which most cases is a no-no in some work env. as well but easier to get on and off) and I have also seen them put them on thier car keys

redheadfsu

Lots of men who work with their hands don't wear wedding rings (so this isn't unusual).

If he isn't going to wear one, I would not exchange rings or he can just put the ring on your finger. Why waste the money on a ring he will wear for just 30 minutes & never wear again?

banana468

If he isn't going to wear it why bother? As PP said, the recent Royal wedding is a great example. I was probably 10 years old before I realized men wore wedding rings. My father doesnt and neither did my grandfather.

lyndausvi

My dad never wore a ring, actually none of the men in my family of that generation wore one either.   So I never associated wearing a ring with a happy marriage.

I gave DH a choice.  He choose to wear one, I gave him a grace period to make sure he was comfortable wearing it (not in a marriage way, but in a wearing any type of ring way.)  Once he wore the ring past the month there was no going back.   I honestly would not have had a problem if he choose not to wear it, but I would have a problem if all the sudden 2 years later he did.

cupcakesfrosting

If he doesn't want one (and this is a good reason to not want one by the way) then don't make him have one.. Like Sarah said, there are a lot of different things you can do..

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:6dbb7ee9-bb51-4269-84c8-758fcce997b8">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, just tell people that if it's good enough for the Royal Family, it's good enough for you - I think it's a longstanding tradition for men not to do wedding rings in the Royal Family, and also maybe in Britain in general (not sure about the last part though). 
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

<div>My Brit will wear a ring!  Also other men in the Royal family wear rings.  </div><div>
</div><div>My dad didn't wear a ring to work due to his job and maybe getting his finger ripped off for years though.  He would wear it on the weekends.  </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

mob2689

@ NCV2 I fall out laughing everytime I see your royal wedding pic and caption LOL

Brandiewine11

What about a compromise? While its true what PP said about him not needing to wear one, if its important to you, see if you can come to an agreement. My FI hates jewlery and also doesn't even wear a watch. He is an engineer and often works with equipment that can be dangerous if a ring were to be caught, or if he were to get a hand injury and have swelling on that finger wearing a ring. It's important to me that he have a ring, and he has agreed to have one to wear on the weekends, etc. but we've agreed he won't wear it at work. It's a compromise I'm ok with.

LessThanZero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:5a4e8ae9-780c-48eb-a5b0-b3bff5801f09">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]What about a compromise? While its true what PP said about him not needing to wear one, if its important to you, see if you can come to an agreement. My FI hates jewlery and also doesn't even wear a watch. He is an engineer and often works with equipment that can be dangerous if a ring were to be caught, or if he were to get a hand injury and have swelling on that finger wearing a ring. It's important to me that he have a ring, and he has agreed to have one to wear on the weekends, etc. but we've agreed he won't wear it at work. It's a compromise I'm ok with.
Posted by Brandiewine11[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. My FI doesn't wear any jewelry at all except for a watch from time to time. You can get him a ring he can wear outside of work in silver, tungsten or stainless steel, which is fairly cheap (under $60) on amazon etc.

MiddlesexFells

Honestly, I was married 15 years to a man who told me from the start he a.) didn't want to; and b.) wouldn't wear a wedding ring.  I regret all the agita I spent asking, demanding, begging, cajoling, guilting him into wearing one, which he never did. I think he wore it on our wedding day, and then never again. He was a physicist and over the years had heard horror stories about wedding bands.  Every time I'd ask, he'd turn it back on me: why was I asking him to risk losing a finger just for the symbolism? He totally had a point!

I wish I had all that wasted energy back, so I could use it on something that mattered.

Especially since he works with electricity, I might let this one go.  Would he consider having a band for "dress up"? (DDH didn't. It sat and is still sitting, in my jewelry box since about day 2.  I learned to be okay with this.)

Ciaram22

If he doesn't want a ring, he doesn't have to have a ring.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:5a4e8ae9-780c-48eb-a5b0-b3bff5801f09">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]What about a compromise? While its true what PP said about him not needing to wear one, if its important to you, see if you can come to an agreement. My FI hates jewlery and also doesn't even wear a watch. He is an engineer and often works with equipment that can be dangerous if a ring were to be caught, or if he were to get a hand injury and have swelling on that finger wearing a ring. It's important to me that he have a ring, and he has agreed to have one to wear on the weekends, etc. but we've agreed he won't wear it at work. It's a compromise I'm ok with.
Posted by Brandiewine11[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this.  I really don't know any men who wear rings before they wear wedding bands, so it defintiely takes some getting used to.  When H would try his on before the wedding he always thought it felt so weird, but he was used to it within a week.  </div><div>
</div><div>My H also is at risk of shock at his job from wearing a ring, so when he is doing something that puts him at risk he just takes it off.  He wears a chain and cross everyday and just puts it on the chain for the time being.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's obviously not necessary to wear a ring, but if it's important to you I think you should be able to find a compromise.  </div>

Milagros121

I have a friend who is an electrician, and he's not allowed to wear his ring at work per company regulations.

jessicabessica

So your FI is not willing to exchange rings at the ceremony?  I would think about why it is important to you and explain those reasons to him, and tell him that you do not expect--and would not want, because of the danger--him to wear it everyday, but it would be meaningful to you to exchange rings.  I think there can be an equality issue--at least in our religion (Judaism), it's not traditional for the bride to give the groom a ring, but more modern/egalitarian ceremonies have a double ring ceremony so there's not symbolism of the groom acquiring the bride.  

If you don't have any strong reasons why you want to give him a ring, I agree with Sarah that you can find other meaningful things to incorporate into the ceremony without doing the double rings.  

HockeyFan4

My FI and I exchanged claddah rings as promise rings about 4 years ago....he always wore it until he got his current job...when he first started he cut his hand up because of the ring.  He now wears his claddah just on the weekends....and plans on doing the same for the wedding band (he got a titanium band)

kat22885

You can get a ring really cheaply on Amazon so that if he doesn't want to wear it everyday (I can understand why he won't) but will do the exchange at the ceremony, you're not out a ton of money.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:663827d6-b56a-4327-b30e-a25b75fc525b">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]How 'bout a nice, big, old tatoo with your name on it?
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking about suggesting a ring tattoo :)</div>

manychihuahuas

Perhaps you should ask him how he would feel about you walking around with the appearance of a single woman?  While there is a legitiamate safety concern at work, there is not at the gym or grocery store is there?

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:b9a81e9a-de65-450f-a1a5-0d1f687efb95">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps you should ask him how he would feel about you walking around with the appearance of a single woman?  While there is a legitiamate safety concern at work, there is not at the gym or grocery store is there?
Posted by manychihuahuas[/QUOTE]
If wearing a ring on his finger is the only thing keeping him from cheating, then there are bigger issues at hand.  Who cares how he appears to others? 

Besides, aren't there studies that suggest that men who wear wedding rings get hit on more often than men who don't wear wedding rings?  Something about how it signals to a woman's subconscious that he is able to commit and is in a stable place in his life.

aleighk1

My stepdad works somewhere where he can't wear a ring and he got his tattooed on.

firsttimersluck

ACTUALLY while the idea of wedding bands has been around for a long time in the world, it has only been since about WW2 that the united states picked up the habit of the bands.

That being said, don't for the guy. You might get a couple weird "hmms... "
IF you really need it, and he agrees to wear one for that day you can buy a 70 buck one of titanium from any little jewelry store, or say screw it and exchange silly lollypop rings for cute laughs. Then everyone will think its precious, youll both take them off after the ceremony, youll like your actual ring back on, and no one will notice that he doesnt have one

j_jaye

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:47d3aaaf-1f6d-40ad-9cb3-00ee4500d3da">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
<div class="Discussion_PostQuote">Perhaps you should ask him how he would feel about you walking around with the appearance of a single woman?  While there is a legitiamate safety concern at work, there is not at the gym or grocery store is there?
Posted by manychihuahuas</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring? : If wearing a ring on his finger is the only thing keeping him from cheating, then there are bigger issues at hand.  Who cares how he appears to others?  Besides, aren't there studies that suggest that men who wear wedding rings get hit on more often than men who don't wear wedding rings?  Something about how it signals to a woman's subconscious that he is able to commit and is in a stable place in his life.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

I don't plan on wearing a wedding ring and neither does my FI. We will exchange rings at the ceremony but I will probably take it off before th end of the night. I hate wearing jewellery and rings especially. My engagement ring sits in its box in a drawer.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:b9a81e9a-de65-450f-a1a5-0d1f687efb95">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps you should ask him how he would feel about you walking around with the appearance of a single woman?  While there is a legitiamate safety concern at work, there is not at the gym or grocery store is there?
Posted by manychihuahuas[/QUOTE]

<div>Really?   I can think of a dozen other ways to walk around with the appearance of being a single woman than wearing a ring.</div><div>
</div><div>You know  some single women wear rings on their left hand, right?  You know not all engaged/married woman get 'traditional' bands.  The 'average' person might not know by seeing a ring that the woman is taken or not.   I, for one, does not wear my wedding band on my left hand.</div><div>
</div><div>I've heard that some men get hit on MORE for having on a ring?</div><div>
</div><div>I also know that both married men and women who wear rings still have affairs.</div><div>
</div><div>Just making a point that rings are not the be  all end all of outward appearances of being married.  I know of couples who have been committed to each other for 20+ years and never got married and have no rings.  Their actions give the appearance of their commitment, not a ring.</div>

mica178

Before the 20th century, most married men did not wear wedding bands.  In many cultures, married men do not wear wedding bands.

H didn't think he wanted to wear his wedding band either.  He does not like wearing rings for extended periods of time.  However, he changed his mind after we got married and he felt that lovely solid ring on his finger (more special because it was blessed by his uncle at our ceremony).  He still forgets to wear it from time to time, but he likes it and wears it voluntarily. Your BF might change his mind at a later point.

lyndausvi

I could be wrong, but I think men's rings became more popular when jobs became more white collar as oppose to blue collar.     You will see most of the people who say their DH's do not wear rings work with their hands.  I'm sure that was a reason why men didn't wear them to begin with.

MiddlesexFells

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_doesnt-want-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d99f793f-9d62-497a-865d-83f3f5368dffPost:9c1b9326-8c3b-45a3-baf2-84ef28176323">Re: What if he doesnt want ANY ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I could be wrong, but I think men's rings became more popular when jobs became more white collar as appose to blue collar.     You will see most of the people who say their DH's do not wear rings work with their hands.  I'm sure that was a reason why men didn't wear them to begin with.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I've never heard this theory before, but it makes a huge amount of sense to me. Between the advent of white collar jobs and the related increase in disposable income, I bet you're right!

Ghoti

My only thing is he's obviously not at work all the time. I'd take him to a jewelry store, and have him try on a titanium ring. They weigh next to nothing, FI couldn't even tell it was on (he actually didn't like that fact, but your FI might). Then he can wear it when you guys are out on dates or vacation or something. 

They also only cost like, 50-100 bucks for a guys ring. I wouldn't mind paying that to keep the peace. And the cool thing about rings is that they come off Seems like a good compromise to me.

isisaavedra

That´s exactly what I thought. We talked about it, and he will have a ring, at least at the ceremony, but we agree that he doesn´t need to wear it every day if he doesn´t want to.