I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!

dianemc10

Hello ladies! 

I want your opinions on something please. Long story short, I have 5 friends from school that I thought I would be inviting to the wedding. In Jan one of those friends sent an FB message to all of us wanting to catch up. One of them asked me how the planning was going, and I replied. In that message I stupidly asked them for their addresses. I don't know what I was thinking asking so early.

Long story short - do I have to invite them? There are only 3 girls out of those 5 who I still talk to and have a relationship with. 

So, what do you think? Is an FB address request the same as an STD? 

Do I suck it up and invite all 5? 

mica178

Did you say, "Send me your address so I can send you a wedding invitation!"?  If so, you sort of need to invite them.  If you just asked for their updated address, then I don't think you need to invite the ones you're no longer close to.

dianemc10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:8fd8d8f7-244a-4e53-a920-0639fa82f91f">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you say, "Send me your address so I can send you a wedding invitation!"?  If so, you sort of need to invite them.  If you just asked for their updated address, then I don't think you need to invite the ones you're no longer close to.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>The exact wording was: </div><div>
</div><div>The wedding planning is going well! We're down to about a 170 days to go (not that I'm counting lol). If you guys could send me your addresses when you get a chance that would be great! </div>

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:0a015ebc-5831-494d-91bf-f9f5be05a355">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question! : The exact wording was:  The wedding planning is going well! We're down to about a 170 days to go (not that I'm counting lol). If you guys could send me your addresses when you get a chance that would be great! 
Posted by dianemc10[/QUOTE]

<div>To me, that wording implies that you want their addresses specifically for the purpose of inviting them to the wedding, since it's in the same paragraph with wedding related stuff.  So personally, I'd suck it up and invite them all.</div>

NOLAbridealmost

I would absolutely think I was invited if I was asked for my address in that context.  It's just 2 extras....I know the extra people add up, but I think it's worth avoiding the hurt feelings in this situation. 

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:79c190c4-a5bb-419e-b716-56186a9ef1a8">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]If thats how you worded it, I still wouldn't assume I was invited. You could be asking for wedding announcements, christmas cards, or just for the sake of having my updated address.
Posted by SkettiHeadie[/QUOTE]

<div>See if it had been in a different paragraph, I'd be more inclined to think that.  But because it was mentioned in the same paragraph with wedding stuff, it makes me think differently.  But maybe that's just me. </div>

dianemc10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:37713ea7-41be-49d1-bd2a-579ef9d89b46">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would absolutely think I was invited if I was asked for my address in that context.  It's just 2 extras....I know the extra people add up, but I think it's worth avoiding the hurt feelings in this situation. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I think you're right. My hesitation lies in the fact that 4 of the 5 girls have apparently cut me out of their life. They no longer invite me out to things they do, they never call me, and it took me about a month or two of always calling them and never getting a response to finally get it through my head that they no longer want to be friends.</div><div>
</div><div>The very little contact I have with the 4 girls is all done via the 5th girl. </div><div>
</div><div>I actually don't think I'll talk to them much (if ever) after we graduate, and I almost think if I send the invitation they'll be like GAWD, DOESN"T SHE GET IT? We don't want to be her friend!</div>

Meaghann17

I would think I was definitely invited. But things change and I would never be rude enough to later question you about it.

Are you planning on inviting ANY of the 5 friends? I think if you are inviting some, the person who you asked for the addresses would be put off by you asking for her address and not inviting her. If none are invited I would assume that you guys just had to make some cuts or something.

Just make sure you use the address for a christmas card or something this year haha. I am totally someone who would wonder and wait for whatever you might be mailing me.

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:32852fab-2058-4c59-bb62-8e71b88778ac">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question! : Yeah, I think you're right. My hesitation lies in the fact that 4 of the 5 girls have apparently cut me out of their life. They no longer invite me out to things they do, they never call me, and it took me about a month or two of always calling them and never getting a response to finally get it through my head that they no longer want to be friends. The very little contact I have with the 4 girls is all done via the 5th girl.  I actually don't think I'll talk to them much (if ever) after we graduate, and<strong> I almost think if I send the invitation they'll be like GAWD, DOESN"T SHE GET IT? We don't want to be her friend!
</strong>Posted by dianemc10[/QUOTE]

If that's the case, they'll most likely decline.

Queen Jane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:32852fab-2058-4c59-bb62-8e71b88778ac">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question! : Yeah, I think you're right. My hesitation lies in the fact that 4 of the 5 girls have apparently cut me out of their life. They no longer invite me out to things they do, they never call me, and it took me about a month or two of always calling them and never getting a response to finally get it through my head that they no longer want to be friends. The very little contact I have with the 4 girls is all done via the 5th girl.  I actually don't think I'll talk to them much (if ever) after we graduate, and I almost think if I send the invitation they'll be like GAWD, DOESN"T SHE GET IT? We don't want to be her friend!
Posted by dianemc10[/QUOTE]

Did this falling out happen recently? Forgive me of my knot memory is failing, but you and FI are expecting, yes? When I got closer to the end of my pregnancy, we got less invites out from friends, I guess they assumed we would decline. Not saying that's definitely the case here, but could that maybe be a factor? I agree with PP's who said that your message would warrant an invite in the context given. Good luck!

sklink0486

I don't know...if you don't care if you end your relationship with them, then I would actually say don't bother inviting them. You seem to think they don't want to be your friend, so why even bother inviting them and risk having them come to the wedding- it would be awkward and they may come for the wrong reasons. But I agree, if you want to somewhat keep the relationship with them stable (or in this case not really talking, but not mad either), proper etiquettte would be to invite them considering the context of the message you sent them.

kgorman307

I second cupcake - I would invite them because the invitation request was lumped into the wedding talk, but I would bet they won't come if y'all really aren't that close. Also if they're not in relationships, you could invite them without a +1 and they'll probably be less likely to attend.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_actually-wedding-related-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9b08e6f-b9ba-48e2-a953-fd73b40185e1Post:c9682c2c-f506-468c-9877-74d2164e80a0">Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I actually have a wedding related etiquette question! : To me, that wording implies that you want their addresses specifically for the purpose of inviting them to the wedding, since it's in the same paragraph with wedding related stuff.  So personally, I'd suck it up and invite them all.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this.</div>

lalaith50

some pp's have said that once they give their address they're practically waiting for an invite... that's certainly not true for me. People often ask for my address on fb, and I give it, and then a month later when I get an invite from them I'm like, "wow, how did they get my address?!" I totally don't even remember giving my address.