Audult Only ..with a twist

nandijw

We decided to have an adult only wedding, but we each have a son from our previous marriages.  Is it rude to have our two boys and bridal party children ( 2 flower girls) at the wedding, while not allowing others to bring their children.  If we invited all of the guest's children, it would double the size of our wedding, and our expenses.  I think it's perfectly reasonable to only allow bridal party children, but my sister says its just wrong.  She says people will be upset when they see any kids and we should have no kids or allow all kids.  I don't see how people won't understand the space and cost implications of allowing all children to attend.  What are your thoughts? 

annakb8

You are right, that's fine. Some people might freak out about it but they will get over it. Or not. But you are well within your rights to only invite your own children and the children in the bridal party. 

jessicabessica

It's fine to say bridal party children only or immediate family kids only.  I do think that it's weird to not invite siblings of the bridal party kids, though (it sounds like the flower girls are not your kids).  If the flower girls are your nieces, for example, I would probably invite the rest of your nieces and nephews, if that was feasible, but I would at least invite their siblings. 

nandijw

We are allowing bridal party children and have defined that as children in the wedding or children of the attendants, which covers the siblings too

MyUserName1

I think it's cool.

If Second Cousin Sarah gets her knickers in a twist because  you, the bride invited YOUR OWN CHILD, but not hers, then she's crazy.

mollyehren

I would expect to see the children of the bridal party and immediate family present at an adults only reception.

Grits8812

You will be fine doing that.  They are your own kids, of course you want them there! People will just have to get over it I suppose.  

ast.meghan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_audult-only-twist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da71568c-03dc-4506-866c-db328cc24af1Post:6d0143ac-60c1-4241-87b5-2f9c2848a6f0">Re: Audult Only ..with a twist</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's cool. If Second Cousin Sarah gets her knickers in a twist because  you, the bride invited YOUR OWN CHILD, but not hers, then she's crazy.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this.  I think having your own children at the wedding is perfectly acceptable and most people should understand that.</div>

gananoque

If guests don't understand the difference between YOUR children and their own, they're insane. I think your sister's wrong. Your policy is totally fine.

I guess, MAYBE it depends upon who the FGs are. If they are, say, children of friends and you have other friends with kids, I guess maybe they'd wonder why these specific girls held a special place of honour over their own kids... But presumably if you've selected two girls as FGs, it's because they have a special and unique relationship to you and/or your fiance so others should really understand.

I do agree with one of the pps who mentioned siblings. eg. if a flower girl has a bro or sis they should definitely be included too. But I imagine this is not the case as you likely would have flagged that already.

rebarobert2012

Of course you would want your own children at the wedding.  I think most reasonable people would understand why your own children are invited but theirs are not.  A lot of people don't invite children to their weddings.

jsleik

I would say your wedding is creating a new family, so it is only natural that the whole new immediate family is there.  And the general rule is that you make a clear line.  I think yours sounds good.  I think if the kids in the wedding have siblings not in the wedding, you should invite them too.  If you want to go beyond that, just make a clear line for where that is, but if you leave it as is, I think you're good.

hlmauney

I have a 7 year old son and I wouldn't WANT to bring him to a wedding, unless it was a family member or someone my son also knew well. If it were an evening wedding, I still may not take him. Weddings can be good date nights :-)

lyndausvi

I hate that people have to say stuff like "Adult Only... with a twist".

You are well within your right to invite anyone you want regardless of age.  I DID NOT have an adult only wedding.  I just happen to only invite my nieces and nephews (DH doesn't have any or they would have been invited also).  

That all said, having clear defined lines is the way to go.  Your own children, WP members, all first cousins, whatever as long as it'a clear line most people 'get it'.  When you pick your niece and not your FI's niece or one cousin's kids and not other is when people start getting offended.  If your guests can't recognize why your own children are there and not theirs, well they have bigger issues.