reception after private wedding ceremony...?

urta2dprincess

My fiance and I have been talking about eloping and having a ceremony with just the two of us and my children (his soon to be step children), and then having a reception sometime after. What is an acceptable length of time afterwards to have a reception for family and friends to celebrate with us. Days, weks, MONTHS??! shortest and absolute longest time periods please...

JessAndTrav

This is hard to say.

Is it just the intimate feel that you want for the ceremony? Why couldn't you invite your guests to the ceremony.

IMHO, I feel that if I got invited to a reception but not the wedding for a wedding that wasn't a DW, I'd be somewhat offended.

squirrly

Whatever you choose.  Personally, I'd go for sooner rather than later.  Within a month.  But I don't know of any strict rules.  If you can do same day, I would.

tortis

Is there a reason you want the ceremony to be so private? I'm not judging you for that, I was just wondering.

Some people will be upset about missing the ceremony- the entire idea of a wedding is to celebrate the marriage of two people, and if you are not inviting anyone to the actual ceremony, you need to be prepared for people to be upset by that.

On the other hand, if you are really having as intimate of a ceremony as you are suggesting (meaning you, your future husband, and the kids who will make up your immediate family) I wouldn't really be offended by not being invited to the ceremony. I really like the idea that when you are combining families (aka one of the partners has children) you would have a private ceremony. But a lot of people who have more "traditional" views of marriage might be offended at not being invited to the ceremony.

sucrets4

Well, since you're planning it, it's not really eloping.  It would be weird to plan to get married one day and then have the reception months later.  I would find that odd as a guest.

So, my answer is the same as pp - as soon as possible.

Btw, how many people are you planning on inviting to the reception?

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-after-private-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:daa64ee9-6781-4bd1-9895-5586d7e0f5c7Post:8d58ff93-f189-4236-b737-fbb2456a1815">Re: reception after private wedding ceremony...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there a reason you want the ceremony to be so private? I'm not judging you for that, I was just wondering. Some people will be upset about missing the ceremony- the entire idea of a wedding is to celebrate the marriage of two people, and if you are not inviting anyone to the actual ceremony, you need to be prepared for people to be upset by that. On the other hand, <strong>if you are really having as intimate of a ceremony as you are suggesting </strong>(meaning you, your future husband, and the kids who will make up your immediate family) I wouldn't really be offended by not being invited to the ceremony. I really like the idea that when you are combining families (aka one of the partners has children) you would have a private ceremony. But a lot of people who have more "traditional" views of marriage might be offended at not being invited to the ceremony.
Posted by tortis[/QUOTE]

Note: I wouldn't be offended if it was JUST who you've suggested. But if it included other relatives and close friends, the offense would occur.

JessAndTrav

Sucrets, I think the code in your signature is making posts centered.

tortis

K I went off on a tangent that you didn't really ask about. I agree, as soon as possible. If it was very soon after your ceremony, I would find it much less odd than if it was much later. If it was soon after, I would assume that you just wanted an intimate ceremony. If you put it off for a few months, I would it was a little odd.

ricksang

Asap!

tortis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-after-private-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:daa64ee9-6781-4bd1-9895-5586d7e0f5c7Post:a748f74d-5513-4026-868d-908c3fcd38c3">Re: reception after private wedding ceremony...?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: reception after private wedding ceremony...? : Note: I wouldn't be offended if it was JUST who you've suggested. But if it included other relatives and close friends, the offense would occur.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>That's what I was going for. As soon as you start including people other than Fi, yourself, any any kids involved, you're asking for drama.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Shortest: If you do it out of town, then a week after you get back I think would be appropriate.

Longest: Maybe 6-8 weeks.

Boyer's Girl

My sister did this and my family was very offended! She invited the parents of both sides, siblings and one friend each. It's not wrong to do it, but it really hurt people's feelings. It felt like, "Well, you aren't important enough to come to the wedding but hey, bring us a gift anyway!" We had her wedding and then the reception maybe two weeks later. She played a DVD of the wedding during the party which I think people enjoyed so that might be something to think about---can the venue get a video/pictures ready for the reception?

Also, now that I think about it, maybe if you said something about not bringing gifts guests would respond better to this idea. I felt like guests were forced to bring a gift even though they didn't get an invite to the wedding. People will likely still bring one, but by choice, not expectation!

Best wishes!

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-after-private-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:daa64ee9-6781-4bd1-9895-5586d7e0f5c7Post:db1d0914-6f28-43e4-a480-bafdde682b49">Re: reception after private wedding ceremony...?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister did this and my family was very offended! She invited the parents of both sides, siblings and one friend each. It's not wrong to do it, but it really hurt people's feelings. It felt like, "Well, you aren't important enough to come to the wedding but hey, bring us a gift anyway!" We had her wedding and then the reception maybe two weeks later. She played a DVD of the wedding during the party which I think people enjoyed so that might be something to think about---can the venue get a video/pictures ready for the reception? <strong>Also, now that I think about it, maybe if you said something about not bringing gifts guests would respond better to this idea. I felt like guests were forced to bring a gift even though they didn't get an invite to the wedding. People will likely still bring one, but by choice, not expectation! Best wishes!</strong>
Posted by Boyer's Girl[/QUOTE]

You CAN NOT say "no gifts please" on an invitation.  That's exactly the same as "just give cash", "cover your plate" or anything else - you just don't mention gifts in any way on an invitation.

If you want people to not give gifts, just invite them to a regular party.  If you invite them to a wedding reception, they'll give gifts.  It's just the way people are conditioned.

banana468

Ditto Squirrly.   You can't write ANYTHING about gifts on the invitation.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-after-private-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:daa64ee9-6781-4bd1-9895-5586d7e0f5c7Post:5a170101-41d6-42c2-8d21-152192a6f08c">Re: reception after private wedding ceremony...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sucrets, I think the code in your signature is making posts centered. :)
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

I don't see anything centered...is it still like that?  (even though this is old)

flutgrl1

I would say a month tops. Personally I love the idea. A marriage is about YOUR UNION (and God if you believe) I love the idea of keeping the event to just what it is about. As your friend I would love to celebrate your happy event after and don't think there is any need for me to be there for the ceremony.

urta2dprincess

Thank you all for your responses and opinions......