paying for bridesmaids and flower girl dresses

kalizoomba

okay, I just posted something about the pastor, and then I suddenly remembered the arguement my mom and I had about who pays for the bridesmaids dresses and the flower girl dresses.

Everything that I've read says they pay for their own, but my mom insists that since it is my wedding, I'm supposed to buy the dresses for them. I only have one bridesmaid, so it's not that big of a deal, but she's a senior in high school and doesn't have a job of her own, so it will be her mom paying for the dress.

I told my mom that we could split the cost with her, and pay for half of it, but since she's my cousin, my mom thinks that us making her even pay for half of the dress will cause a huge rift in the family

Also - I had the same issue with the flower girl dress, ring bearers suit, and groomsmen suits.... They are supposed to all pay for their own, right???

Beachy730

Everyone pays for their own attire.  For RBs and FGs its assumed that the parents pay for it.  Tell your mom she is wrong, and if she wants to foot the bill so as to save argument as she says, then to go ahead.  But no, you are not supposed to be paying for it as the bride.

MyNameIsNot

In the US, BMs expect to pay for their own attire.  But in some places in Europe and Asia, the couple pays for WP attire.  Did your mother get married somewhere other than in the US?  Maybe that explains it.

Since your only BM is so young and family, I would probably offer to pay for her dress just to avoid a family issue.  If your mom thinks it will cause a family rift, she might be right.  She's talking about her sister and niece, not a random friend.  

kalizoomba

no,  my mom was married in Missouri. The bridesmaids dress that my cousin and I have chosen is only $50, so it's not like its a big deal for either one of us to pay for it - its just that my mom keeps saying I'm supposed to pay for it, and I know that i'm not. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Eh, I'd pay for it and then not say anything to anyone else, so the GMs and RB, etc, can pay for their own attire. I mean, technically you're helping out a 17 year old without steady finances, so they shouldn't mind, anyway. 

That said, I felt bad asking my BMs to pay for their dresses for my wedding, and I knew it might be a financial burden, so when I asked them I offered to pay for their dresses. They did pay for their own alterations, a hair accessory they decided they both wanted, and... that's about it. i'm also paying for their manis/pedis, because I wanted to. We ended up paying for the GM tuxes as well.

mica178

I paid for my BMs' dresses, but it was certainly not expected by them or anyone.  It was my main gift to all of them, and they were all very grateful not to have to buy another BM dress.

PsyDet 2155

It's definitely not mandatory to buy the bridal parties attire.  All of my bridesmaids will be purchasing their attire.  My flowergirl's parents will pay for hers. 

banana468

I've heard some brides from the US say that the custom for them was to pay for their BM dresses but the majority of people I know follow the "BP pays for their attire" rule.  That said, they agree on the price before buying it.

BlueBoxBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-bridesmaids-flower-girl-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:daee42c6-c2fc-4f09-89a4-2c3831c6c36cPost:0a62fd6c-9174-46e1-8bb6-07f6a7209414">Re: paying for bridesmaids and flower girl dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard some brides from the US say that the custom for them was to pay for their BM dresses but the majority of people I know follow the "BP pays for their attire" rule.  That said, they agree on the price before buying it.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm from the South and it is customary to pay for the WPs attire if you can afford it. I'm paying for my bridesmaids' dresses but that's the big part of their "gift" from me. And honestly, they are all thrilled to get the dress instead of a piece of jewelry. </div><div>
</div><div>The whole point of etiquette is to err on the side of making others feel more comfortable. If you can buy your BM's dress for $50, I would. </div>

squirrly

A BM dress isn't a real gift, since it's something you require them to have.  It's nice to pay for it, and gifts don't have to be pricey, but those two things really can't overlap.

It's not necessary to pay for your WP's attire, but it's certainly a nice gesture if you can afford it. 

BlueBoxBride

^ It's all good. I said "a big part of" the bridesmaids' gifts. 

I'm budgeting around $300 per girl, so instead of doing something like a silver bracelet which everyone has... I'm taking most of that budget and buying their dresses so it's one less expense for them, giving them something else and throwing a tea for them morning of the wedding. 

brookelynpaisley

Everyone pays for their own attire - it's part of the "honor" of being asked to be in a bridal party. Some brides do opt to pay for their attendants' attire, but it isn't required.

If, however, this is a big issue with your mom, I'd probably just give in to keep the peace.

Gismo123

everyone suppose to pay for their own BUT there are acceptions to every rule....I have 2 flower girls...they are my brother's kids and they just got done moving to another state and were financially strapped...only the 2 girls and my brother are making the wedding due to no money....in short my brother was going to give me about $200 for babysitting his kids for a month so I told him to keep the money and use that to buy the dresses.  So in sense I paid for them...also out of my 4 brides maids 2 of them couldn't afford the dresses and I really wanted them to be there so I paid for the dresses and they agreed to pay me back...I told them to get me the money whenever that I was in no hurry.

It just depends on everyone financial situation now a days

Ashes_3

I paid for my flowergirls dress and accessories. My bridesmaids paid for their own dresses and shoes. If you require them to get their hair done professionally, then you should pay!!! Anythign that you require professionally (pedi/mani/make-up/hair) you should pay. Everything else, they pay for!!! Just keep in mind when you look For dresses so that you don't break them!!!

marissa_claire

I think it was actually more custom for the party to not pay for their attire back in the day.  I know my mom made all of her BM dresses and she insisted on paying for them for my wedding, and I actually know that to be true of a number of other women my mother's age.  

Yes, it's typical for the BP to pay their own way, but I'm with msmerymac that if you can afford to, just do it and make it a non-issue.  

JanoBean75

I didn't pay for any of the wedding party attire.  While we did pick out the tuxes (the owner of the shop is a family friend that gave us a great deal), I asked the ladies to pick what they wanted as long as it was red and not floor length.

My sister actually wore the dress to another wedding.