Deceased family member's memory

Laurstar31

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had any creative ideas to include a very important diseased family member in our wedding. My father passed away recently, and it is very important to my fiancé, and family to include him as much as possible. We are already donating money in lieu of favors to a charity that is very important to us in his honor. But, I was interested in hearing stories of brides and grooms that included their special family members in their special day. I appreciate your positive ideas/ thoughts. Thanks!

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry for your loss. I think you mean "deceased".

We had a candle for my mom that was lit privately before the ceremony and that was it. I've heard of people doiing an empty chair but it's my opinion that that sort of thing is morbid. You could also carry a locket in your bouquet, something to that effect.

Laurstar31

I know this technically isn't an "etiquette" question. Sorry if this causes confusion!

Laurstar31

Thank you for catching that! What a typo! And those are great ideas.. I agree with the empty chair thing. Although that might be for some people, it isn't for me. I'm thinking j might have something in my bouquet that was his.. Thanks!

[Deleted User]

I am not a fan of the whole "in lieu of favors" thing ,but I like the locket idea. I feel like this is a private and personal thing and you should do what feels right to you and your family.

StephanieM22

I have seen memory candles and an in memory section in the program. I like the PP suggestion of including something in your bouquet. 

NOLAbridealmost

If it were me, I would take my bouquet to his gravesite after the wedding and leave it there for him. 

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. 

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:b3e3f5aa-e647-4805-82c7-94fd0f277951">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]If it were me, I would take my bouquet to his gravesite after the wedding and leave it there for him.  I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]




Aww thank you! This is a really good idea I love it!

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:9ea72149-0026-4be2-9050-fd068e3d373a">Re: Diseased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry for your loss. I think you mean "deceased". We had a candle for my mom that was lit privately before the ceremony and that was it. I've heard of people doiing an empty chair but it's my opinion that that sort of thing is morbid. You could also carry a locket in your bouquet, something to that effect.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]




Only ipads would find it normal to make deceased into diseased

aleighk1

I got a double sided charm from someone on Etsy with my dad's picture on one side and my grandpa's picture on the other side. It'll be pinned onto my bouquet.

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:d4489222-5044-445e-ba12-883d8abfa60e">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I think small things like photos on bouquets, candles or a notes in the program are the best ways to go.  I had a photo of my grandma on my bouquet.  Small things let you celebrate your loved one without it being a major focus of the day. Also, have you spoken to your mom and any siblings about your ideas for a memorial?  If his passing was recent, it may be worth telling them what you are doing so they are not taken by surprise the day of the wedding. I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]




I agree with you! I love the small things like the lighting candles, or notes in the programs. I'm probably going to have one of his blue shirts cut into a heart and sewed into my dress, so i gave my something blue and him close to me. It's going to ve a hard day so we are trying to do little things so hexane be included but not super morbid ya know? It was fairly recent, but my sister and mom are fully involved so there won't be any surprises! Thank you for the feedback!

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:0cdca8c7-7f49-4911-a005-b52c51158eea">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a double sided charm from someone on Etsy with my dad's picture on one side and my grandpa's picture on the other side. It'll be pinned onto my bouquet.
Posted by aleighk1[/QUOTE]




What a sweet idea! I'm sure that was a perfect addition on your special day:) I have to take a peek at this Etsy website bc everyone is talking about it!

tgirl06

All of my grandparents had passed away before I got married. I included my grandmothers' wedding rings in my bouquet (since they were wedding rings I felt this included my grandfathers too since I didn't have anything of theirs). It was one of my favorite touches of the day. 

renoclaf

While mine are grandparents not parents missing on my day, we are going to have frames with wedding photos of family before us.  I'm going to use ribon to hang them on the ends of the pews and then will bring them to the reception for sidetable decore. 

Megbo2012

We are having a table set up near the guest book with those who are unable to be with us. We will have framed pictures of our Grandparents and close friends set up there. I have seen it done several times and I really liked it. 

I am sorry for your loss.

Meegles4

I like NOLA's idea with your bouquet. We are doing a "We Remember" section in the program. We will also have wedding photos of parents and g-parents by our guest book, but this isn't limited to those who have passed (though those who have will be part of this just because of their relationship (FI's parents and grandmothers, my grandfathers).

I agree not too do anything too public/over the top as you don't want to put a sad note on the day. It's nice to make mention and perhaps honor him privately.

Negazilla

I don't find the chair thing morbid and I'll be leaving four roses on there, one for each of my grandparents.  FH also doesn't have any of his grandparents any more but I don't think he ever got to meet any of them.  Either way, thinking about doing something for mine and not his makes me feel like a jerk so I just might steal Meegles "We Remember" program idea.

[Deleted User]

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I recently lost my father as well, and I've been struggling with what to do...if anything at all. I have plenty of time to think it over before the wedding, but my idea now is to carry something with me, and POSSIBLY dancing with my FI to one of my Dad's favorite songs...although I'm not sure if THAT is too morbid. 

Again--so sorry for your loss. 

Briannasteve

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:6b1820ec-2e26-4c5b-9bed-366916da4ea4">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry for your loss.  I recently lost my father as well, and I've been struggling with what to do...if anything at all. I have plenty of time to think it over before the wedding, <strong>but my idea now is to carry something with me</strong>, and POSSIBLY dancing with my FI to one of my Dad's favorite songs...although I'm not sure if THAT is too morbid.  Again--so sorry for your loss. 
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

<div>Sew something of your dads into the inside of your dress! That would be so special! So sorry for your loss as well. </div>

Ilovethelaw07

Unfortunately, I am familiar with this situation myself, as my father and both of FI's parents are no longer with us.  We are having a memorial candle that will be lit before our guests are seated.  We will have a line in our program that lets guests know the candle is in memory of our parents.  I am also carrying my dad's wedding band in my bouquet.  Sorry for your loss.

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:21e83fa3-c867-402e-ae52-1f20dcdd1f8e">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a table set up near the guest book with those who are unable to be with us. We will have framed pictures of our Grandparents and close friends set up there. I have seen it done several times and I really liked it.  I am sorry for your loss.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

that is a very sweet idea! thanks!

Laurstar31

 I agree not too do anything too public/over the top as you don't want to put a sad note on the day. It's nice to make mention and perhaps honor him privately.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

Agreed! I want it to be a happy day, but also remember those that are with us in spirit on our special day. thanks!

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:519ebaa1-093a-4bb7-a855-e021abf01554">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been widowed, so please ask your mother how she feels about this.  It could be a knife in the heart to her.  Milestone events for children can be very difficult for the surviving spouse, who is already keenly aware that the parent didn't live to see the child's big day, which would have meant so much to them.  I would not be okay with photos of my deceased husband at his daughter's wedding. Memorials can be lovely to the couple - but a DREADFUL shock to other grieving family members who arrive at the wedding (joyous occasion) and are suddenly confronted with this unexpected reminder of their loss. This is a SPOUSE, the man who helped raise your fiance, the man she laughed and cried with, made love with, and dreamed about the child's wedding and grandchildren.  She and other relatives might be okay with it - maybe not.  PLEASE ask. The empty chair thing is terribly in-your-face.  Imagine being the person who has to sit next to it. Lastly, there is no way to "include" a deceased person in the wedding.  They are gone.  Anything that is done is in their MEMORY, so please be kind to the feelings of the living.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


thank you for your thoughts! My mom is the one that wants this the most:) She wants to have a slide show of pictures of myself and him, but that is still up in the air because it might be too hard for my family and I. But I'm sure we will figue out a beautiful way to include my father's memory, and my fiance's mother's memory without it being too much for each family. Thank you for your ideas!

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:6b1820ec-2e26-4c5b-9bed-366916da4ea4">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry for your loss.  I recently lost my father as well, and I've been struggling with what to do...if anything at all. I have plenty of time to think it over before the wedding, but my idea now is to carry something with me, and POSSIBLY dancing with my FI to one of my Dad's favorite songs...although I'm not sure if THAT is too morbid.  Again--so sorry for your loss. 
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

I am so sorry for your loss as well :(  No one knows this kind of loss unless you have actually gone through it. The loss of a father is a terrible feeling, and although he won't be walking me down the isle, i know he will be RIGHT next to me in spirit! all are very good ideas...my dad was quite the music fan, and ironically my fiance' loves the same kind of music! thanks :)

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_diseased-family-members-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc20bac5-2b8e-430f-a02d-e240a0481c1aPost:6b1820ec-2e26-4c5b-9bed-366916da4ea4">Re: Deceased family member's memory</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry for your loss.  I recently lost my father as well, and I've been struggling with what to do...if anything at all. I have plenty of time to think it over before the wedding, but my idea now is to carry something with me, and POSSIBLY dancing with my FI to one of my Dad's favorite songs...although I'm not sure if THAT is too morbid.  Again--so sorry for your loss. 
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry for your loss as well :( it's so difficult having to plan a wedding without one of the most important people in your life! But i'm loving your ideas..what a sweet way of having your father's memory involved in your wedding. Very sweet!