Ok, so I guess this is really just a vent and super long; sorry.
FI and I just returned from a family birthday party. FI's second cousin starts asking us (in a snotty tone)when the wedding is, etc and that she'll put it on the calendar. She was not on FI's parents guest list which was finalized months ago; STDs have been sent to all that were on their list. We were closely surrounded by family, including FMIL, and put on the spot and couldn't even try to change the subject.
FMIL said nothing so after an awkward silence FI was stumbling, vaguely answering her questions. So we figured we were stuck with adding her and her husband which also means we'd have to add her brother and sister and their spouses. So 6 more people. We had to add another couple during a previous family get-together at FI's parents'. So 8 over the original list.
So if that isn't bad enough, after more prodding FI says that it's a cocktail reception with heavy hors d'oeuvres at which point second cousin says "OH. Do you want a gift?!" snotty as f#*k! Really woman? You just invited yourself to our wedding and now you're gonna start judging us?
FWIW, we are not saving much (if any) money by doing a cocktail reception. It's very heavy, mostly hot, apps from one of the best (& priciest) caterers in the area. And cake and an open bar...and a freakin taco cart for "drunk food". This all just fits our style and vision more than a plated formal dinner.
FI and I are totally on the same page and he called his mom to discuss this woman's rudeness. FMIL flipped and thinks we just have to deal with it. That we must have just misunderstood.
FMIL has given crap since the beginning. First she flipped out that we were not inviting children, then she got upset that we had to cut the guest list (she had 89 on her original list), upset that she wasn't involved enough when we hadn't even planned anything yet, the list goes on. FI confronted her and said if she didn't chill out she'd be completely out of planning altogether. She apologized and every time promised she wouldn't do it again...until the next incident. But we continue to involve her anyway, I even invited her to go dress shopping when I really wanted it to be my mom and sis only but I knew it would make her and FI happy.
My parent's gave us a very generous check (it will cover 1/2) and told us to do with it what we wish. They even offered to cut their list ridiculously low (15) if we needed. We decided to invite our close friends (40-ish) and split the remaining 60 equally between both sets of parents. FI's parents have not given us a dime which is fine, I wasn't even expecting $ from my parents but they offered.
We are already over budget and I just don't think it's fair to me, FI, and especially my parents that the in-laws are demanding more guests and giving so much other grief when they aren't contributing at all. We've decided that the guest list is staying as-is and we're not adding the rude-a$$ cousin or anyone else. Tired of being guilted into doing things we don't want to do and can't afford.
Well, that's all for now. I feel a little better just writing this out. So thanks if you're still reading! I just don't know what it is that turns otherwise rational people into such morons. Vent over...I think.
