These answers made me cringe

allychase

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060728103643AAspJkR

I saw earlier someone posted a yahoo question and people really are clueless. I couldn't even read all the answers to this..

emeejeeayen

your link doesn't work

I'm sad because I'm really bored.

allychase

Ugh I hate TK mobile. Ill go to my laptop and try it from there.

allychase

Okay fixed it, you should be able to see it now.

allychase

I just love how the general consensus is "No they're not tacky because I dont want my guests getting really drunk and driving home just cause it's open bar" 

Well if that's your reasoning you're obviously concerned about the thinking capacity of your guests and probably shouldn't have a bar at all.

emeejeeayen

I think cash bars are horrible. 

But I asked some of my friends about it, expecting to get the same response, and they were all like, "Meh, I don't think they're so bad." One of my friends suggested drink tickets?? So I was surprised that I was alone in my group. 

That said, while I think they're really tacky, I would seriously prefer to pay for my drinks than attend a dry wedding. I have moderate to severe social anxiety that crops up at randon moments (I'm fine one on one, I'm fine in an office setting, I'm fine at bars usually, etc) so alcohol is defintely (as bad as it sounds, lol) a crutch for me in those situations. Because of that I don't go out very often, but in a situation like someone's wedding where I might only know the bride or groom? Nerve wracking to say the least. 

I just think I view weddings differently than people who host cash bars. At my wedding, no one in attendance (other than +1s) will be someone I, my FI, my parents or my FI's parents wouldn't host at our/their home for dinner. And if we/they invited someone over, we wouldn't ask them to pony up money for drinks. We would provide what we could afford. But some people have bigger weddings ::shrug:: IDK. 

pearlaqua

Yikes.  But I'm biased because the grammar is so bad.  What's with the superfluous apostrophes???

peggerzz

it totally depends on the size, theme, and budget of the wedding.  Hosted bar is simply not an option for some couples becuase of the price.  We plan to do an open cocktail hour, but cannot afford to pay for guests' drinks for the entire night.

melb2013

Ugghhh both of our families would DIE if we had a cash bar.  I've certainly been to family weddings with a beer and wine only bar, and that was just fine.  I just don't understand the cash bar thing- it's so rude to me.  FSIL's wedding was last weekend and one of the groomsmen (who was family) wanted to know when the open bar was going to close so he could stock up.  We were like ummm there's no cash bar... the groomsman was completely shocked in a good way!

36798099

the thing that irks me the most with cash bars is that you don't know till you get there and order a drink o.O and then it's like 'surprise'. if you choose to go that rout there should be some kind of warning so guests know to bring cash. we attended a wedding for a friends daughter and the only thing they didn't charge for was water and no drink was provided even with the meal. we left early. i frequently don't carry cash these days and would like a heads -up warning if i'm going to need it

allychase

In Response to Re:These answers made me cringe:[QUOTE]it totally depends on the size, theme, and budget of the wedding.nbsp; Hosted bar is simply not an option for some couples becuase of the price.nbsp; We plan to do an opennbsp;cocktail hour, but cannot afford to pay for guests' drinks for the entire night. Posted by peggerzz[/QUOTE

You think you're the only one on a budget? Doesn't matter what your budget is you still need to host properly. The thing that gets me is assuming a bar is mandatory to begin with. If you can't afford to host drinks, CLOSE THE BAR. It's sooo rude to have guests open their wallet at your wedding, what don't people understand about that? It's not okay. It's just not. Ever. No one is special.

JoseD12

Personally i think it depends on the wedding couple. I've been to different weddings where it has been a cash bar and a complimentary bar and in each case they seemed appropriate. If the couple can afford it I'd say go ahead! Regardless of what they choose to do, to avoid guest showing up and being surprised that they have to pay for their drink, include it on the invitation. Maybe mentioning whether it is a "Complimentary Bar" or a "Cash Bar" would help but 'to each their own' is what I think when it comes to weddings.

KellyBrian2013

My best friend had a cash bar at her wedding, and I love her dearly, but given the amount of money we spent on travel expenses, attire, etc. I was a little miffed to then have to pay $8 (plus tip) per drink at the bar.

Inviting people to an event in their honor (because the reception is FOR THE GUESTS, not the bride and groom) and then telling them they need to pony up cash for things therein is beyond rude. If you can't afford an open bar, don't have one. Host what you can afford. If that means only soft drinks, so be it.

haileyschwebbs

Cash bar is awful! Id rather elope than force my family to come celebrate with me and pay for their drinks after shelling out all the money for travel and gifts and such. 

This isnt a frat party... BYOB is unacceptable or in this case.. BYOcash...

i know sometimes people cant afford it... but if you cannot then perhaps host a brunch wedding and have mimosas... or cut costs elsewhere not cutting costs on the celebration. 

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_these-answers-made-me-cringe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc69e52f-91fd-4ae0-8f9e-dc3e7adecb9dPost:fe1ce82d-566b-4af0-9004-198d97d59a4f">Re: These answers made me cringe</a>:
[QUOTE]This post is incredibly ironic coming from someone who insulted the women on here who said the exact same thing back when you first joined.  As I recall, we were evil sex-starved biiiiiitches for telling someone how rude a cash bar was.  So, is it that you're only allowed to complain about how rude and tacky something is when it's behind someone's back?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ugh. Go AWAY. How many f*cking times do I have to tell you that girl Sarah was the one who talked about all your sex lives, not me? So obviously you recall incorrectly. Maybe you'll retain this information the second time around. Feel free to dig through the archives to see it yourself. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Actually, she was blocked for what she said. And I'm still here. So.</div><div>
</div><div>Btw, whose back am I talking behind? I've just told like 5 different people how it wasn't acceptable... Keep living in the past, though.

</div>

mtrosales

I was in a wedding this year with a cash bar...... not even the SODA was free.
I heard a lot of griping from their guests! lol kind of embarrassing.

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_these-answers-made-me-cringe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc69e52f-91fd-4ae0-8f9e-dc3e7adecb9dPost:f457c460-7fd6-454d-9056-feab930adcec">Re: These answers made me cringe</a>:
[QUOTE]I was in a wedding this year with a cash bar...... not even the SODA was free. I heard a lot of griping from their guests! lol kind of embarrassing.
Posted by mtrosales[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly the reaction most people have about cash bars, but I bet no one said anything to the bride and groom, who went on thinking everything went perfectly and everyone was happy. That's how the 'well so and so did it and no one complained' trend happens, and it's wrong. </div>

ladyomnipotent

I find that people (on the internet, at least) take a stance on this and never change it, no matter the argument.

My fiance and I want an open bar, but it will be $3700 for 4 hours (110 guests), which is obscene.  How can I feel comfortable paying that when it could go towards a worthier goal?  Our families and friends all aggressively tell us NOT to pay for an open bar and do a cash bar.  In my area (south of Boston) open bars are very uncommon, so people don't expect them.  I've been to 6 weddings and only 1 was open bar, and that one was in NYC. 

The solution "either pay for everything or have a dry wedding" is not a good one.  I am CERTAIN the guests would be happier with a cash bar than no alcohol at all.  My venue does not allow any outside food or drink, and my fiance's stepfamily are huge drinkers, so I can imagine them trying to sneak in alcohol and causing serious trouble. 

I also don't like this idea that you're "forcing" people to open their wallets.  They only open their wallets if they want alcohol beyond what you provide.  Obviously, I would host non-alcoholic beverages, and have a bottle of wine or two on each table. This is currently what I'm considering as a compromise.

I never heard this idea of cash bars being the rudest thing ever until I came onto this site.  And as I said, I am getting pressure from my family and friends NOT to do open bar.  I want to have an open bar, but I'm struggling with it. I'm not some Rudey McRuderson.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_these-answers-made-me-cringe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc69e52f-91fd-4ae0-8f9e-dc3e7adecb9dPost:7d904530-6a9a-4b61-b2e0-ebf7db4fe9ee">Re: These answers made me cringe</a>:
[QUOTE]I find that people (on the internet, at least) take a stance on this and never change it, no matter the argument. My fiance and I want an open bar, but it will be $3700 for 4 hours (110 guests), which is obscene.  How can I feel comfortable paying that when it could go towards a worthier goal?  Our families and friends all aggressively tell us NOT to pay for an open bar and do a cash bar.  In my area (south of Boston) open bars are very uncommon, so people don't expect them.  I've been to 6 weddings and only 1 was open bar, and that one was in NYC.  The solution "either pay for everything or have a dry wedding" is not a good one.  I am CERTAIN the guests would be happier with a cash bar than no alcohol at all.  My venue does not allow any outside food or drink, and my fiance's stepfamily are huge drinkers, so I can imagine them trying to sneak in alcohol and causing serious trouble.  I also don't like this idea that you're "forcing" people to open their wallets.  They only open their wallets if they want alcohol beyond what you provide.  Obviously, I would host non-alcoholic beverages, and have a bottle of wine or two on each table. This is currently what I'm considering as a compromise. I never heard this idea of cash bars being the rudest thing ever until I came onto this site.  And as I said, I am getting pressure from my family and friends NOT to do open bar.  I want to have an open bar, but I'm struggling with it. I'm not some Rudey McRuderson.
Posted by ladyomnipotent[/QUOTE]

A lot depends on where you come from I think. Cash bars and dry weddings are unheard of where I live so it would be very rude and unexpected if someone were to have that kind of wedding here and I could see people being very PO'd about it... but if these kinds of things are common in your area, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

I personally would be pretty pissed if I had to pay cash at a wedding for anything. It is a party for your guests, you shouldnt expect them to ever take our their wallets. Dry weddings are even worse I feel b/c then you are not giving them a choice at all. I think the call needs to be made regarding how weddings are generally done in your area. Good luck.

SachaBee

I think I would compromise by having beer, wine, champagne? and maybe a signature drink, with no open or cash bar.  That seems like the most sensible option from a financial and etiquette standpoint. That's how a lot of weddings in my family are done because most of my family are big wine drinkers but not much else.

I wouldn't mind attending a dry wedding (although having guests pay for soda is just irredeemably cheap) but I know a lot of people who would be very confused and miffed by one.  I am also the type of person who gets a little nervous in some situations. When we announced our engagement to our parents I was about three glasses in already, and I am pretty certain the same will happen at our wedding, so I certainly wouldn't want a dry wedding for myself!

I find a cash bar rude because you shouldn't invite people to a party and then ask them to pay for something that is on offer. If you can't pay for it, don't offer it. I think a cash bar is more inconsiderate than a dry wedding, but that point is obviously a matter of opinion.

lovesclimbing

I do think it's kind of rude to ask them to pony up, somewhat akin to asking them to pay for their meal or the slice of cake.  However, I know in strictly an ettiquete sence, it's not considered rude.

You could have just an hour of an open bar and then no alchol after that.

If you can't afford it, I say go with not having alcohol.  My FI and I are not having alcohol at all.  Partly because we don't drink and at least 60% of our guests don't either but partly because it's pretty darn expensive!

mrspadfoot

Cash bars have become very popular, at least in Southern Ontario where FI and I live. I have a family riddled with alcoholics, and he has a family full of people who cannot hold their alcohol, no matter if it's only one glass, so we've gone the route of a cash bar.

That being said, I would never expect my guests to pay for a non-alcoholic drink, that's terrible. If you cannot provide punch, or soda for your guests, then please - don't invite your mother's new husband's cousin's daughter's boyfriend whom you've never met.