big ceremony, small reception

fraycou

I have always wanted a big wedding. I do not want to put my parents out, who have offered to pay for the reception in full. I've come to realize the majority of the cost is tied up in the size of the reception guest list. Is there a proper and polite way of inviting someone to the ceremony but not the off-site reception?

kimheartsscott

Nope.

baystateapple

Nope.

Telling someone that they can come to the ceremony and not the reception is the same thing as saying "You're good enough to watch us get married and bring a gift, but not good enough for us to spend money on."  If you want a big wedding, you're going to have to pitch in for the reception.  Or scale down your guest list.

cukimerrydoll

I agree - the reception is set up as a thank you to your guests for coming, so not letting some go to the reception is bad.

Your first option is probably to cut the guest list.  But there might be some catering options that make the reception reasonable as well.

kimheartsscott

I moved my wedding from evening to midday and dropped $40 off per plate.  Look for deals like that.

KentuckyKate

There are some options for semi-big wedding on a small budget.  Run over to the Budget board and look around.  But I had too much caffeine today, so I'll play.

Some tips to get you started:

-A lot of reception venues offer smaller catering minimums and reduced/eliminated rental deposits if you have your wedding on a Sunday instead of Friday or Saturday.

-You can most likely find a venue where you can choose your own caterer and supply your own alcohol

-It is not very expensive to reserve space at a state park with a gazebo for your wedding, and then for the reception you can do your own research on rental companies for a large tent, dance floor, tables, chairs, and dishes.

-You can usually save a little money by having your ceremony and reception in one place.  You won't have to pay for 2 booking fees or transportation.  Hire a DJ to play traditional ceremony music and then work the reception afterward.  Also, DJs are about 1/3 the price of bands.

-Have a small wedding party.  Big WPs add up with gifts, rehearsal dinner, hair and makeup, etc.

-Have non-floral centerpieces.  For the bouquets and bouts, either make your own with artificial flowers or buy loose stems wholesale from costco or growers box, and make simple arrangements yourselves.

-Print your own invitations and programs.

-Have the reception at a non-mealtime, and serve heavy hors d'eourves.

KentuckyKate

Also, things NOT to do in order to save money:

- Invite guests without their significant others

- Have a cash bar

- Have any type of a "fundraiser" before the wedding

- Cry for help on Ebay or Craigs List

- Have an outdoor ceremony with no seating

- Tell guests you prefer cash gifts

- And definitely don't do what you came here asking.  Inviting guests to the ceremony and not the reception is the number one rudest thing you can do to your guests.

eastunder1

What???  The major cost of weddings is the reception?  WHO KNEW?!

ZRex

I second PP that said to make your own invitations.  We are making ours using nice cardstock and everything, and they are DIRT cheap compared to printed ones.

You know, another thing you could do is have your wedding in-between meals, like, 2-8 PM, so you can get away with serving heavy hors d'oeuvres and not a full, sit-down meal.

[Deleted User]

If you have to ask "is there a polite way to...", then you already know it's wrong.

danieliza1127

It's considered really rude and tacky to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception.  The reception is your thank you to your guests for sharing this day with you.  You should find other ways to either cut the guest list or scale down expenses in other areas like your dress, flowers, photography package, centerpieces, food and bar, etc.

banana468

Ditto PPs.

You can't do this without it being rude.

lyndausvi

nope.

Just step back a minute and not be a bride but a guest.  How would you feel sitting at the church talking to other guests and finding out that some of them were invited to a reception later and you were not?  It would be weird and discriminating.

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dcca366c-eae4-42d2-b319-3e145917c45aPost:e122b295-6255-4974-aed5-9d98c0b2d9c0">big ceremony, small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have always wanted a big wedding. I do not want to put my parents out, who have offered to pay for the reception in full. <strong>I've come to realize the majority of the cost is tied up in the size of the reception guest list</strong>. Is there a proper and polite way of inviting someone to the ceremony but not the off-site reception?
Posted by fraycou[/QUOTE]

Yep, and sometimes Tuesday comes after Monday.

brookelynpaisley

It's too early for this stupidity.

No, you may not invite a boatload of  people to watch you get married, but then only invite some to come to your party. A reception is to thank your guests for coming to your wedding, you can't pick and choose who you thank. What are you going to do? Have everyone at your ceremony and then have one sign pointing to your reception for some guests and another sign pointing to the parking lot for the others? Nuh uh.

iamjoesgurl

Here's another idea - why don't you and FI start saving to pay for some of the reception.  Then you won't be putting your parents out.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dcca366c-eae4-42d2-b319-3e145917c45aPost:f0396999-6e25-4318-b3b6-ac9526a9e8f9">Re: big ceremony, small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's another idea - why don't you and FI start saving to pay for some of the reception.  Then you won't be putting your parents out.
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

This.

squirrly

big ceremony, small reception = really bad idea.

Sorry, but that's just not an acceptable thing to do.  If they're invited to the ceremony, they must be invited to the reception.  The reception doesn't have to be a 5 course sit-down dinner, though - BBQ can make for a great reception, and it's generally inexpensive!  Look for other venues or other caterers to find ways to lower your cost, if cutting the guest list isn't an option.

polichik

We were also concerned with finances, and my parents are also paying for the majority. So, we slashed our first guest list of 250 down to 110 and looked for unconventional venues. We've having our reception at a gorgeous wine bar with amazing in-house catering and 4.5 hours of open beer/wine/soda/Izze bar for less than half the cost of our original reception. We're DIYing all of our decorations, doing our own flowers, forgoing extras, and we're coming in under budget.

It can be done. You don't have to spend a bundle to have a beautiful, thoughtful, well-hosted reception for all your guests. If they're important enough to come to the ceremony, you need to have a reception (which comes from the notion of "receiving," or thanking your guests, for coming to the ceremony). You'd send a thank-you card after receiving a thoughtful gift, right? The reception is the equivalent of the thank-you card to the gift of their attendance at the ceremony.

btrflykate1230

It's a bad idea.

The reception is supposed to be a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony. If you don't invite them to the reception, you're not thanking them. That's really rude.

KentuckyKate had some great suggestions on what to do, and what not to do.

golden1215

I've never understood this...  I mean, to me, the watching me say some vows is just the required part.  What's fun, what I want to share with my guests is the love and laughter and FUN at the reception/dinner/after party etc.

No, you cannot bore someone with watching you say I Do and then send them on their way.

Get creative with budgeting- it can work!

Good luck.