Cousin offering to pay for family to get hair... is this rude?

sari9912

One of my brides maids (who is my cousin... and is a little older and more established then the rest of the bridal party) has offered to bring her hair stylist down to do some of the wedding parties hair the day of the wedding. She has offered to pay for all of my family's hair. That includes me, my mom, my MOH (who is her sister and my cousin), her mother (who is like a second mother to me and will be escorted down the isle with the mothers), and possibly the flower girl (her daughter... depending on how much hair she has in August). Anyway, that leaves my 3 other bridesmaids without a hair appointment. I was originally just going to do my own hair or have one of my BM do it for me. 

Is this rude? My couisn is really excited about doing it as a family thing and I think it would be fun but I don't want to hurt any of my other BM's. They are all from OOT and will be staying a a hotel the night before the wedding. One of my brides maids has African America hair and would not want this person going anywhere near it... she has already told me she is going to do her own because nobody can do it right. I know that one of my bridesmaids cannot afford to have her hair done professionally but wouldn't get offended if it was a family thing. I'm just concerned about my FSIL. I think she may raise an eyebrow. 

We could arrange it so that we are not getting our hair done in front of the other girls. But I really don't want to hurt anyone. 

What do you think.

mlg78

Could YOU pay a stylist to come in to do the other 3 girls hair?  That's a lot of hair for one person to do alllllll the ladies you mentioned so if another one was there that would be great and everyone would feel included.

rintin10

Id say it is a little rude your cousin hasn't thought of the other BMs in the party, and to not include them. That is a lot of people to work on for the one person your cousin is bringing down, I'd suggest hiring another person to do the bridal party. Or ask your cousin if there's an associate that works with the person who is coming down that could help with the other BM hair (you'd offer to cover the extra cost).  Or is there someone in your party or on the guest list who is good with hair and makeup? Maybe have them come over to help with the hair...That is one of the fun parts of getting ready for your wedding, everyone doing hair and makeup together while getting dressed with some champagne and it's not always just a family thing, it's a birdal party thing...good luck! Hopefully your cousin will see that she's leaving out a few people who are important to you and your wedding day.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-offering-to-pay-for-family-to-get-hair-is-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd04ccd4-b9e2-47ac-af7e-428fd0aa36b5Post:98fea7ed-726e-4290-af03-60892a23dc8e">Re: Cousin offering to pay for family to get hair... is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is fine. My mom paid for my sister's and cousin's hair, but not the other BMs. We didn't announce it. When it was time to pay my mom asked how much for her and her, and forked over the cash. I doubt the other BMs know. They had no expectation of having their hair paid for (done hair wasn't required) and it isn't anyone's business who pays for what. Your aunt wants to treat her relatives to a gift. Why would FSIL have any expectation of your aunt giving her a gift. So long as you don't make a big show of your aunt paying, I think it is fine.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.

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STARMOON44

Won't it feel a bit awkward when some of you are off getting your hair done and those girls are left out?  I think its fine for cousin to pay, discreetly, for only family, but I do think you should figure out a way to offer to have the girls join you and get their hair done as well.

cbrown828

I agree with Starmoon...what are the other OOT girls going to be doing while you are off getting hair done with your family all morning? I don't see any issue with one person paying for family members, but perhaps you could offer to pay for your bridesmaid to get their hair done (I had this done once when I was a BM as our gift and it was much appreciated), or some other kind of pampering? Also, if some people have their hair professionally done and some don't, it's usually noticeable. You may not care about that, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. It just seems to me like you're leaving the door open for people to feel left out on a day that will already be emotional. Hope it works out!

leatba

I think it's ok for your aunt to pay for your family as a gift. It's not like you are saying I want your hair to be a certain way, which would mean that you, or someone, is paying. As for the AA bridesmaid, she knows her hair best. Maybe scout around in the area for reasonable priced stylist who could possibly come in as a second stylist to cover fsil and the other bridesmaid. The one stylist has a lot of hair to do so maybe this person can keep you guys on schedule. Also think about the time of your ceremony

NYCMercedes

It is very generous of your aunt to offer this. LOL about the FG, if she has any hair by then. I agree with the other posters about treating those two or three other BM's. If the AA wants to do her own, that's okay, unless you bring in a specialist for her hair that can do the other girls' hair as well.

AJuliaNJ

I think it is ok to discreetly pay for you, but the option to get hair and makeup done should exist for the full BP even if they have to pay for themselves. I was once a bridesmaid in this exact same situation. One of the bride's family members paid for just her family and they did not offer hair and makeup to everyone else. When I arrived and saw the stylists doing the whole BP's hair/makeup except me and one other girl, I felt hurt and left out. I did my hair and makeup myself and it looked so crappy next to the girls who were all done up. I still hate looking at the pictures.