Flower girl or not?

Spavigail_824253

So, I had planned on a smallish bridal party using only 1st cousins.  Yesterday, my mom's cousin sent me a facebook message from her daughter asking if she could be a flower girl.  I had not planned on inviting my mom's cousins kids at all.  She has three kids, and if I invite them, then I have to invite her sister's 3 kids. (An extra 6 children) I don't know what to say or how to not come off as rude.  The other thing is I was a flower girl for my mother's cousins wedding too.  

My excuse was there is not enough space, but turns out, my venue can actually hold 140 instead of 100 - but they would have to remove tables for the dance floor.  So it's possible.  I guess it just wasn't my vision to have so many kids at my wedding. Am I making a big deal out of nothing and should just let her be in the bridal party?  

AddieCake

It's rude of people to invite themselves in. If you want her, have her. If not, don't.

misshart00

It was really rude of her to ask if her daughter could be a flower girl. There is nothing wrong with saying ''we've decided not to have flower girls or ring bearers on our wedding. I'm sure you understand.'' Someone may have better wording than that, but it gets the point across. And if she pushes back, I think you can be more blunt.

Spavigail_824253

The thing is that I am having flower girls, jr. bridesmaids and bridesmaids who are all first cousins. 

misshart00

In Response to Re:Flower girl or not?:[QUOTE]The thing is that I am having flower girls, jr. bridesmaids and bridesmaids who are all first cousins.nbsp; Posted by Spavigail[/QUOTE]

Then I think you can say ''we've already selected our flower girls, but thank you for the offer.''

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd172cb4-9556-4699-aa1f-dd13d7599de2Post:d8e68b2d-8280-4643-b254-13086c08e331">Re:Flower girl or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Flower girl or not?:

Then I think you can say ''we've already selected our flower girls, but thank you for the offer.''
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]



This.

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Flower girl or not?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Flower girl or not?:The thing is that I am having flower girls, jr. bridesmaids and bridesmaids who are all first cousins.nbsp; Posted by Spavigail

Then I think you can say ''we've already selected our flower girls, but thank you for the offer.'' Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
Yep, this.

jesslamb830

Why are people so worried about kids at their wedding? just a question

Spavigail_824253

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd172cb4-9556-4699-aa1f-dd13d7599de2Post:6e511aa9-8b86-4bdb-910e-83e5dff97b7e">Re: Flower girl or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are people so worried about kids at their wedding? just a question
Posted by jesslamb830[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, my venue doesn't do a reduced rate for kids, and if I include her daughter, they come along with 2 sons.  I also then feel obligated to allow her sister to bring her three children as well.   My guest list is a total of 100 people and now with the addition of 6 more kids, 19 of them will be under the age of 14. I just never imagined so many children at my wedding.  I just hope it doesn't turn into a zoo. </div>

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd172cb4-9556-4699-aa1f-dd13d7599de2Post:6e511aa9-8b86-4bdb-910e-83e5dff97b7e">Re: Flower girl or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are people so worried about kids at their wedding? just a question
Posted by jesslamb830[/QUOTE]



Some people have had bad experiences with them running around, knocking into people, touching the cake, etc. It's just some people's preference not to have them there.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd172cb4-9556-4699-aa1f-dd13d7599de2Post:6e511aa9-8b86-4bdb-910e-83e5dff97b7e">Re: Flower girl or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are people so worried about kids at their wedding? just a question
Posted by jesslamb830[/QUOTE]

Because unsupervised kids can be very disruptive and destructive.  They can get uncomfortable and fidgety having to dress up, sit still, and be quiet while the wedding is happening, and then afterwards let off steam in ways that can cause harm to themselves and others and damage to property.  And unfortunately, not every parent can or will stop their kids before that happens.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd172cb4-9556-4699-aa1f-dd13d7599de2Post:d8e68b2d-8280-4643-b254-13086c08e331">Re:Flower girl or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Flower girl or not?: Then I think you can say ''we've already selected our flower girls, but thank you for the offer.''
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

This sounds like an excellent response.