Reception-Only Invitations?

AngelaReneeClaire

We are planning on doing a small ceremony (almost entirely family) and then extending the invitation for the reception to a large number of friends. Am I right that this plan is etiquette friendly?

If so, how should I word the reception-only invitation? It's a fairly causal event, in a separate location from the ceremony. Dessert and dancing involved!

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:9db9b11e-f587-4dff-836d-df03705cd67f">Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are planning on doing a small ceremony (almost entirely family) and then extending the invitation for the reception to a large number of friends. <strong>Am I right that this plan is etiquette friendly</strong>? If so, how should I word the reception-only invitation? It's a fairly causal event, in a separate location from the ceremony. Dessert and dancing involved!
Posted by AngelaReneeClaire[/QUOTE]

It's really only ok if your ceremony is like immediate family only.  If you're talking about 50 people at the ceremony and 150 at the reception, no, that's not ok.

If that is what you're planning, no problem.  Someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think something to the effect of "please join us for dancing and refreshments following our private wedding ceremony" would work.

aurianna

What percentage of your total guest list would be coming to the ceremony?

It's ok to do a private ceremony and a larger reception if it's just immediate family and their spouses. Maybe a few close friends.
But if you start including more extended (aunts/cousins, lots of friends), and if your ceremony guestlist starts becoming a large percentage of your total list (like 20%+) then it's too big and you need to invite everyone.

AngelaReneeClaire

Less than 20%.

GoodLuckBear14

Immediate family only at the cermony is fine.  As for the numbers, I wouldn't worry about them.  An older cousin recently had an immediate family only wedding.  She and her DH are both from large Irish Catholic families and invited only parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, nieces and nephews, their spouses and the children of nieces and nephews.  The total there for the ceremony totalled nearly seventy.  The reception was about 150.  Nobody had their nose out of joint that about 50% went to the ceremony and 50% were not invited because they understood it was immediate family only.

ETA - you will run into more trouble if you start picking and choosing who outside of this will be invited.

*edited also so it makes sense.

AngelaReneeClaire

That's good to know. Thanks for the advice. 

I'd still love some more answers on the wording, too!

AngelaReneeClaire

Actually, because I'm curious now... What about doing only family at the ceremony, even including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. And doing reception only's to friends? That's considered rude?

misshart00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:4e9db7d6-d856-4eeb-9787-8bef2443b97e">Re: Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, because I'm curious now... What about doing only family at the ceremony, even including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. And doing reception only's to friends? That's considered rude?
Posted by AngelaReneeClaire[/QUOTE]



That's when you get into the realm of not a private ceremony. I would just stick with immediate family.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:28ac495e-4862-4075-9b14-e1abdfa55235">Re: Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception-Only Invitations? : That's when you get into the realm of not a private ceremony. I would just stick with immediate family.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

agreed

TheBaysideBride

Totally fine - rude if it's the other way around!!

bridalmarch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:4e9db7d6-d856-4eeb-9787-8bef2443b97e">Re: Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, because I'm curious now... What about doing only family at the ceremony, even including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. And doing reception only's to friends? That's considered rude?
Posted by AngelaReneeClaire[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Our immediate families, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins took up 142 spots on our 202 guest list. That wouldn't have been a very private ceremony :) 

</div>

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:4e9db7d6-d856-4eeb-9787-8bef2443b97e">Re: Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, because I'm curious now... What about doing only family at the ceremony, even including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. And doing reception only's to friends? That's considered rude?
Posted by AngelaReneeClaire[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't go this route. When you start getting into higher numbers, people WILL get their noses bent out of joint.  I would do no more than 20% of your total guestlist.  After that, your ceremony is no longer truly "private".  It's really just a matter of who made the cut.  Some of the people that don't make the cut will get fussy.

If your guest list is 150, I would say no more than 30 people at your private ceremony.

beachwed10

Do what you want. If people get pissed they won't come.

AngelaReneeClaire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:ac98778f-11fa-4257-95a4-717feafbd3c2">Re: Reception-Only Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think immediate family only or immediate family and super close friends as long as the number is small are fine.  However, when you start adding in aunts and uncles and cousins, it gets rude.  Also, in my circle a simple cake and punch type reception wouldn't fly after a private ceremony.  If people are coming to just the reception, they want food and booze and a very party kind of atmosphere.   As for wording, the wording we most often see for this kind of event is  <strong>"The pleasure of your company is requested at a reception to celebrate the marriage of Bride's full name and  Groom's full name"</strong> or "Please join us for a celebration of the marriage of Bride's name and Groom's name" Sometimes they will put something about "Bride and Groom will be married at a private ceremony earlier in the day" at the end of the invitation, but it isn't necessary.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I like this one, thank you!

</div>

AngelaReneeClaire

Thank you for all of the information you shared with me today, ladies! It's been super helpful. I don't know what I'd do without you.

mlg78

Since you didn't answer my question on the other board, I'll ask here... How many people are you inviting to the ceremony if your wedding party alone has 8 people? You make it sound like you're having a very small intimate ceremony but if 8 people are at the altar then it isn't small and intimate.

mlg78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invitations-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd249ae9-6b75-4932-8b15-b31b69430ea4Post:1c3e078c-1947-4b38-980c-b38dd8c6e6ca">Re:ReceptionOnly Invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:ReceptionOnly Invitations?: H and I had 8 people at the altar with us for our wedding with a 150 person guestlist. When we discussed doing a private ceremony of 24 people, those same 8 were still going to be at the altar with us. One has nothing to do with the other.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>There have been dozens of other posts in the past about people having X number of people in the wedding party and asking if it's too many based on how many people are attending the wedding.  If the number of people attending the ceremony is super small then having 8 in the WP seems excessive.  In my opinion, one does have to do with the other.</div>

MsYeck

I take immediate family to be parents, grandparents, siblings and if ou area have them your children.

mlg78

If just think it loses a level of privacy when the wedding party is decent percentage of those invited to the actual wedding...  It's hard to call it a "private" ceremony.  To each their own.

Lobsters121210

I think it's ok to do a reception only event, but please make sure you let people know who is and isn't invited to the ceremony. At a friend's wedding, she had a certain group of approx 100 people attend the ceremony at 6pm with a reception to follow at 6:30 at the same place. Since we had a bit of a drive, we made sure to get there half an hour before the event our invite said 6:30 and we accidentally were ushered into the ceremony. When we found out we weren't invited to that, it was just awkward. We were good friends and I attended her bachelorette weekend and some of the girls who attended were invited to the ceremony but not all. It was just awkward and it's one of the only things we really remember from her wedding. We felt like we crashed it, we kinda did, but not on purpose! Please just make sure your guests know there are two sets of invitees.