what to say?

silver0319

 

I usually post on my local and month board, but I'm here seeking some advice.  

 

 A good friend of FI got engaged recently. The bride and I have become very good friends over the past year or so, and we're very happy for them.  Last week, the friend mentioned to FI that they would like to have a destination wedding.  He also said it would probably be either 4 months or right before wedding and asked for FI's input.  FI told him that it would be hard for us to even consider traveling so close to our own wedding.  FI and I have discussed it, and while we'd love to go, but we can't take time off of work to attend a wedding 1,400 miles away just a few weeks before our own wedding.  

 

FI is fuming.  I do think he's overreacting, but I am a little annoyed too.  The groom is known for his one-upmanship and FI feel likes he's being inconsiderate.  They've known about our wedding plans for a year and we have overlapping guests.  

 

The bride and I were texting the other day, and when she told me that they were thinking about the same month as us, I didn't know what to say!  I wanted to say, "oh, that's too bad.  We won't be able to attend" or "Oh, your FI mentioned that you were thinking about another month," but I also don't want to jeopardize my friendship with her.  I’m okay with us not being able to go, but what can we say to them?  

 

AdeleDazeem

You can't say anything to them.  They have every right to pick a date, same as you.  The only time I think it would be appropriate to say something is when the other couple involves a sibling picking a date within a week or two because it can be a burden on families to travel so much in a short period of time.  However, this is not the case.  You are friends with four different groups of families and some overlapping friends.  Those friends will have to choose, unfortunately.

Saying anything will accomplish nothing.  They knew your date when they picked their's.  There isn't any more that can be done so let it be.

Simply Fated

You won't accomplish anything by saying something. I mean, it might make you feel better, but it won't get them to change their date or anything. Your best bet is to bite your tongue. I somehow doubt it was to oneup your wedding because what good would it do for them if you can't even attend?

lyndausvi

Just say "that sounds great.  Unfortunately, we will not be able to make because our wedding is so close".     That's it.   Nothing else more to say.

Summer2011Bride

I don't blame you for not being able to attend a DW so close to your own.

However you can't say anything to them about the date they chose. You can explain that, unfortunately you won't be able to attend because your wedding is so soon after, but you can't question their choice of dates or express distaste for the date they chose. It sucks that some of your guest list overlaps, but if I had to venture a guess, I think YOU will be getting most of the overlap guests if they're having to choose. It's a lot easier to attend a local wedding than a destination one.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd8a8409-ec10-4ed3-9bd3-b7dbd1c52673Post:3e8ff0f4-f840-48e2-ac95-93668f9fbe98">Re: what to say?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just say "that sounds great.  Unfortunately, we will not be able to make because our wedding is so close".     That's it.   Nothing else more to say.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This.  You really don't get a say in anyone else's wedding date or plans, so accusing the groom of one-upping or deliberately inconveniencing you will be counterproductive.

silver0319

Thank you so much for your feedback.  

I know I don't have a say in anyone else's wedding date, but I wasn't sure how to respond to her to her statement of "we may have our wedding right before yours."  I didn't want to seem cold for not responding to her message, but as many of you have indicated, it's best that I don't say anything at all.