What to do about a shy groom?

mscausey

My groom is REALLY shy and is very uncomfortable with big crowds. His idea of a perfect wedding would be for us to  go to courthouse and call it a day. My perfect wedding would be with all my friends and family there. I thought I came up with a good compromise: have a wedding ceremony with only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and nieces/nephews (which is about 30 people) then have all our relatives be invited for the reception after. My sister said that is not proper etiquette. She said the only way it would work would be for us to elope then have a celebration when we get back. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

LeiselEB

As long as your groom is okay with this, it's completely in keeping with etiquette. 

AdeleDazeem

30 people is a bit high for an "intimate family wedding."  I'd be more comfortable with 15.  However, as long as you only invite grandparents, parents, siblings + spouses, you are okay.

However, I would caution against a 60 person reception (because then you have this awkward 50% were not invited to the ceremony thing).  It would be better if the reception number was more like 150 (so it's more like 80% weren't invited to the ceremony).

Summer2011Bride

I think if it's truly just gparents, parents, and siblings (with their spouses and kids) you would be fine. I think it starts getting iffy when you begin inviting aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. Perhaps you have a large family so that's why it's coming up as 30, which is fine, if you strictly keep it to close family.

As others have said, I wouldn't have a 50 person reception though. Make the reception much larger and emphasize when asked that the ceremony was close family only.

I am also unsure of how a huge party would help anything if your FI is shy. He will still be (half of) the center of attention with a lot of people around. Are you just wanting to skip the part where he stands up in front of a large crowd to say his vows?

kmmssg

My niece is terribly shy and my heart just broke for her when she walked down the aisle in September.  It was just close family and a few friends and that girl had a terrified look on her face.  She was so uncomfortable being watched like that.

The reception was no big deal because they didn't have dancing and it didn't feel like people had all eyes on them.  I think you are fine to have the family you mentioned at the ceremony but I wouldn't turn it into a big reception or some people will have hurt feelings as others said.

Simply Fated

At the reception, would you consider nixing the cake cutting, speeches/toasts, first dance, groom/mother dance, garter toss, and anything else that puts him the center of attention? I'd check with him and see what his comfort level is.

meganb1977

I'm in the opposite situation where I'm not comfortable with large gatherings of people and fiance wanted a big party.  I'm dreading having all those eyes on me when I walk down the aisle!  But I compromised to go somewhere between what I wanted and what my fiance wanted.  Hopefully your fiance will too.

HockeyFan4

my husband is shy around large groups...and he was concerned...but we couldn't imagine getting married without our friends and family.  Afterwards he said it didn't bother him....during the ceremony we held hands (lots of squeezing) and just focused on each other.  During the reception he spent a lot of time talking with small groups of people.....