Wedding Etiquette Forum

Self inviting distant family?

Sorry for the book: I've never had a big relationship with my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was 3 months, and I didn't see him. When I turned 18, my dad and I started having contact, and we sometimes go for lunch or what not. Not anything super close, but he's part of in my life on a pretty regular basis. He's not walking my down the aisle or anything, but he's coming to the wedding with his wife.

My dad's family (sister and her husband, and my grandparents) stayed in my life until I was in about 5th grade, then just sort of faded away. Honestly, my dad doesn't even have a great relationship with them. They came to my high school graduation, but I haven't seen them since. I'm friends with my aunt on Facebook, but she never messages me or anything. The last time we even facebook messaged was May of 2011. 

Today I get a message asking if I'm having a shower and where her invite is. I haven't posted about it on Facebook and neither has anyone else that is planning it. I don't know what to do without being a total witch. Plus, then she'll tear into my dad, who will go to my mom, and then my mom comes after me...and I really don't care to deal with that. I hadn't planned on inviting any of that side of the family to any wedding events because I haven't even seen them in 7 years. Suggestions on how to let her down without starting mass family drama?

Re: Self inviting distant family?

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'd just explain you're having a small wedding (which also means a small shower, if at all if one is offered?)...and then change the subject.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_self-inviting-distant-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dde2b7ac-54da-4d71-9730-e37793b653f0Post:d24518ea-8633-4e33-b8be-fe3565098f15">Re: Self inviting distant family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self inviting distant family? : Exactly this. If she starts stuff with your parents because she isn't invited, that's all the more reason NOT to cave. Don't reward bad, childish behavior by giving her what she wants.  
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    I like this response too.  It doesn't reward bad behavior but it shows dignity and respect for everyone.
  • I come from a similar situation, and I am not inviting any of my dad's family. If they were to ask, I think I would ignore them first. If they persisted, then I would go with something like what TXKristan said. I know how stressful dealing with family you don't really have a relationship can be. My thoughts are with you!
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