Friend created scene at reception - how to address?

dancing.maple.leaf

So my husband and I had our wedding up in Canada, where I am from.  My entire family lives there, so it involved having the least number of people needing to travel for the big event. 

We currently live in Austin, and the majority of our bridal party travelled up to Canada with us.  I started to develop a friendship with a girl soon after my husband and I had gotten engaged (we were engaged for a year total).  Over time, she grew to be a close friend of mine, albeit a fairly dramatic one (and relatively self-involved). 

By the time we had gotten to be good friends, I had already picked out my bridesmaids.  Still, she said she really wanted to fly up and be there for our wedding day as a regular guest.  GREAT!

Well, after me trying to include her on absolutely everything bridesmaid-related the entire weekend, it blew up in my face at the reception.  We had planned to take the entire bridal party back to the hotel in one limo, which was already stuffed to the brim with 10 people.  We had arranged for her to have transporation back to the hotel with my parents.  SHE THREW A FIT!  She cried and told everyone except me how she was feeling left out, etc....  I was so mad that night that she would make it all about her, on that day of all days.  If it weren't for my husband telling me to ignore it, it could have really soured my mood for the rest of our wedding night.

I expected for her to apologize to me the next day, and I have yet to receive one.  Things  have been weird between us since then, but I'd like to confront her and tell her how I feel (wich is hurt and angry that she could have ruined our day with her drama). 

Sorry this is so long!  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in advance! 

danieliza1127

You need to let it go.  I'm sure her behavior didn't actually ruin your day did it?  I bet you had a wonderful time and a beautiful wedding.  Just distance yourself from her and realize that you just didn't know her all that well to begin with and let it go.  You live and learn.

parker624

dump her.  she does not sound like a friend to me.

MissLeahM

I probably would just let it and her go.

waltzingmatilda13

Is a friendship worth saving? You say she's dramatic and self-involved and you haven't really known her all that long. I would let it go and let her make a move if she wants to salvage whatever friendship you guys had.

loop0406

I agree with MissleahM, let it and her go

laladypoet

poison dart.

ohwhynot

If you still want to be her friend, talk it out like grown-ups.  If you're feeling angry about something she did or said, you have every right to tell her that - not in a confrontational way, but as one adult to another.  She is probably feeling that you wronged her in some way, and she can tell you that, again as one adult to another.  And then you talk and either resolve the differences, agree to set aside the differences, or not. 

eastunder1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-created-scene-reception-address?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de0e1b2b-a3e3-4dfc-a96b-f825487f807dPost:e333c0ee-7ee4-4eeb-ab18-8174fd8df54b">Re: Friend created scene at reception - how to address?</a>:
[QUOTE]poison dart.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

its the only way.

AmoroAgain

I guess I don't see this as a "scene".  It's more like a small tantrum that was over quickly.  Making a scene at a wedding is if she had dry humped your new husband.

dancing.maple.leaf

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-created-scene-reception-address?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de0e1b2b-a3e3-4dfc-a96b-f825487f807dPost:1bd2bda5-a268-48a3-9df4-15a0e5b0cfe7">Re: Friend created scene at reception - how to address?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I don't see this as a "scene".  It's more like a small tantrum that was over quickly.  Making a scene at a wedding is if she had dry humped your new husband.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Well, it may have been late in the evening, but she demanded absolutely everyone's attention to the fact that she wasn't happy.  I mean EVERYONE.  Complete with sobs and crossed arms, huffing around.  AND, another thing she did that I found out the next day was drag my new hubby up on the dancefloor to dance with her at the reception, even before I got the chance.  He walked off and said he's saving his first dance for me.  He was annoyed with that too. 

Again, just another example of everything needed to be about her that day. 

PharmacyBride

I hate dramatic friends that throw tantrums.. they may be good friends.. but dealing with all that drama is not my cup of tea.

If you can handle future fits like this in the future (this is not her last one).. then try to smooth things over.  Adults who act like children don't respond well to those kind of sit down talks.. she will likely get overly defensive and another tantrum will ensue.

danieliza1127

I just think that if she is actually sorry for her behavior, which sounds unlikely, she would come to YOU and apologize.  You going to her and telling her that your feelings are hurt and that she acted poorly probably isn't going to get the response you're hoping for, because she sounds like the type that won't think she did anything wrong.

I really think you need to remember your wedding day fondly and forget about this chick.  You can't change anything now and why hold onto negative memories from your wedding day?  You need to move on.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-created-scene-reception-address?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de0e1b2b-a3e3-4dfc-a96b-f825487f807dPost:882975e2-fcd7-480e-9d1c-140bd40e1626">Re: Friend created scene at reception - how to address?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend created scene at reception - how to address? : Well, it may have been late in the evening, but she demanded absolutely everyone's attention to the fact that she wasn't happy.  I mean EVERYONE.  Complete with sobs and crossed arms, huffing around.  AND, another thing she did that I found out the next day was drag my new hubby up on the dancefloor to dance with her at the reception, even before I got the chance.  He walked off and said he's saving his first dance for me.  He was annoyed with that too.  Again, just another example of everything needed to be about her that day. 
Posted by dancing.maple.leaf[/QUOTE]
All right, well, good for him to not let her get away with it, but this all seems pretty evident as to what you should do-- stay away from her.

frenchy730

Just let it go.  There's nothing she or you can do now to erase the fact that she threw a tantrum at your wedding.  You're still happily married, she's still the same friend (although immature) you had before the wedding.  I would just let it go, move on, and if the friendship continues, fantastic.  If not, it doesn't sound like a huge loss.  Making her appoligize will result in a fake appolgy.  Who wants that?

dancing.maple.leaf

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-created-scene-reception-address?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de0e1b2b-a3e3-4dfc-a96b-f825487f807dPost:493f53fa-8bed-41b2-8b04-32958431347d">Re: Friend created scene at reception - how to address?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just think that if she is actually sorry for her behavior, which sounds unlikely, she would come to YOU and apologize.  You going to her and telling her that your feelings are hurt and that she acted poorly probably isn't going to get the response you're hoping for, because she sounds like the type that won't think she did anything wrong. I really think you need to remember your wedding day fondly and forget about this chick.  You can't change anything now and why hold onto negative memories from your wedding day?  You need to move on.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I most definitely have wonderful memories of my wedding day!  When I look back on the big day, I have a big smile on my face.  So no worries about that. ;)  When I think about our wedding, I don't think about her at all.  I won't let her ruin how I look back on it.  It's just when I think of her, the drama she caused is what I think of now.  She's just tarnishing the friendship, not the wedding day itself.

I guess I'm more sad to see that someone I thought was a friend could do that.  BUT, the more I see all your lovely advice on here, the more it confirms that I don't need her around to cause even more drama.  Thanks to everyone who posted!!! :)

danieliza1127

I definitely understand being sad that a friend isn't the person you thought she was, or being disappointed in a friend's behavior.  It really sucks and is a hard thing to realize and deal with, but it happens to all of us and you just have to pull back sometimes and protect yourself.

tayylor65

i dont know, i think it's possible she just wasn't really clear on things. you say you included her with the bridal party on as much as possible while up in canada which was really thoughtful, but maybe it confused your friend? i definitely think it was wrong of her to throw a fit at your wedding reception, it wasn't very mature, but i personally wouldn't lose a friendship over it.

red1115

Congrats on your wedding!  As for your crazy "friend" - drop her, your life will happier without her tantrums.

Life is too short to waste on drama queens & emotional vampires.

Starlight Kel

Well I would let it go and just know how she is.  She sounds like she needs to be the center of attention.  I'd take caution though, I wouldn't invest all my time in that "Friendship" if you know what I mean.