invitations for dancing and drinks only?

montgoose

I have a dilemma that I'm not sure about.

I work at a bar and have more than a few co-workers and regulars enquiring about my upcoming nuptuals. While we are all friendly and have known each other for years (including my regulars) I wouldn't neccessarily have thought to invite them to my wedding, which I'm keeping small (50 ppl, only family and a few close friends). 

However, most of them have expressed some kind of dissappointment or were hurt that they were not invited to come, even after my keeping-it-small explanation. Thus, the words " well, drop by later in the evening and grab a drink with us!" started slipping out of my mouth. 

I don't expect anything except their well-wishes should they show up and would actually really love it if they got sloshed with us at the end of the night. 

My question: Is asking the people, whom are dissappointed in not getting an invitation, round for drinks after the dinner rude or a decent way of ensure that they still feel somewhat included in my special day?

J&K10910

It's rude.  And getting "sloshed" at your wedding is so klassy.

jemmini6

Not to mention that if you are having an open bar (which is sounds like you are?) they base the price on the number of people that are there for dinner, if you have more people show up afterwards just to drink, that's kind of unethical...

Beachy730

Ditto the others.

I feel like a hypocrite saying it because we had a few people show up for drinks later in the night (2 were my brothers friends since he was in town and hadn't seen them, and a few others were from my softball team), however we didn't extend an invite to any of them, they all asked us if it was okay to show up after dinner for drinks and dancing.  it is rude to officially invite them to only a portion of the day.  Inviting them only to dinner and drinks is as bad as inviting them only to the ceremony.

baystateapple

Yeah, you can't do this, for all the reasons listed above.

Keep your wedding small, tell people unfortunately you can't go over your small guest list, and leave it at that.  That way, no feelings are hurt, and you aren't doing something unethical by having more people drink the open bar than you paid for.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-dancing-drinks-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de28db39-c9d0-4fff-b54b-1c9345eb01cbPost:8f13bb8f-6261-4927-b332-82bbad823f60">Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Not to mention that if you are having an open bar (which is sounds like you are?) they base the price on the number of people that are there for dinner, if you have more people show up afterwards just to drink, that's kind of unethical...
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I get that.  But also, when you think about how many people you are paying for a 4 hour open bar for that don't even have one drink, or leave right after dinner.  We had a total of 6 people show up later, and about 40 people that left almost right after dinner.  </div>

kgorge41

I agree with everyone who said it was rude. I have been on the receiving end of the "come for dancing" invite. It is extremely awkward when you intermingle guests that have been there for the ceremony/dinner and the guests just there for the last few hours.

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-dancing-drinks-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de28db39-c9d0-4fff-b54b-1c9345eb01cbPost:51d6d5e2-29e5-4883-b27e-edef5dd1a459">Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's rude.  And getting "sloshed" at your wedding is so klassy.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

*like*

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-dancing-drinks-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de28db39-c9d0-4fff-b54b-1c9345eb01cbPost:43628103-ce9c-4bd3-bb77-df464616fa1d">Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only? : I get that.  But also, when you think about how many people you are paying for a 4 hour open bar for that don't even have one drink, or leave right after dinner.  We had a total of 6 people show up later, and about 40 people that left almost right after dinner.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I mean it definitely depends on the amount of people that show up later.  If you had a wedding of 200 and only had 5 more people show up for drinks, I'd hardly consider that an issue considering how ridiculous the mark-up is for alcohol.

But in the OP's case, if she's only having a wedding of 50 people, and then 'several' (which I would assume is 10-15 people?) show up for drinks, that's pretty significant...especially if their intention is to get sloshed, not just have one or two drinks.

Then again, the OP could have a venue where she is providing all the alcohol in which case it's a non-issue, but just saying it's another angle to think about in the debate of having people just show up later...aside from the fact that it's completely rude regardless of the alcohol...

mica178

From an etiquette standpoint, invite them to the whole wedding or don't invite them at all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-dancing-drinks-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de28db39-c9d0-4fff-b54b-1c9345eb01cbPost:43628103-ce9c-4bd3-bb77-df464616fa1d">Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invitations for dancing and drinks only? : I get that.  But also, when you think about how many people you are paying for a 4 hour open bar for that don't even have one drink, or leave right after dinner.  We had a total of 6 people show up later, and about 40 people that left almost right after dinner.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]


But at the same time, as long as it's not a consumption bar, the way the venue is able to give you a fair price per person for drinks is to count on the fact that a certain number of people won't drink. Some people will have 8 drinks and some people will have 1, so to the venue, it all backs out on their end. If the person with only 1 drink called their brother to come and "drink my free drinks" and ended up consuming a total of 7 drinks, it wouldn't be economical for the venue, which means they might have to raise their rates in the future.