Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.

RobotLegs

My sister has been all "OMG YYAY!!!!!111!!" about throwing me a baby shower.  I've been really reluctant from the first time she mentioned it.  I've let it go though, becuase, obvi, I've got some time to worry about it.

Anyway, B and I talked about it last night, and we really don't want a baby shower.  We're not comfortable with gift-giving parties and we don't like being the center of attention.  We didn't have any pre-wedding showers and we didn't get gifts at our wedding.

I told my mom this morning and she ended up all pissed off about it.  I know my sister will be hurt.

So, what should I do?  Go against my own feelings on the subject and let them throw me a shower?  Or stick to my guns and hope they get over it? 

laurenclaire1386

I'd probably just suck it up and let them have the shower. Two reasons: it'll make your immediate family happy, and you get free stuff. Even if you're uncomfortable for a couple of hours, everybody sort of wins in this situation.

Meg1036

Can you let them throw you a small shower?  Would that make them fell better? Like limited to a dozen people or something?

Edit:  Feel, not fell.

crfische

I'd totally let them have a shower.

Kids are expensive and people love to buy things for babies.

I'd just do it.

waltzingmatilda13

Stick to your guns. She will get over it.

My SIL wanted to throw me a second bridal shower and I said absolutely not. She either got over it or is planning my demise at a later date.

[Deleted User]

I don't like those kinds of parties either, but in this case I think I'd do it. Mainly because I know my mom when it comes to babies, and it would mean a lot to her to have a shower since she'd be so excited. My guess is they want to do something special for you and be part of the pregnancy in some way, and this is how they are doing it.

Like Meg said, just tell them you want to keep it small and intimate, no need for a huge group or the weird games or anything.

Meg1979

I agree with Fish, let them throw you the shower.  Babies aren't cheap.

RobotLegs

Fish, that was my mom's justification:  people love to buy baby stuff. 

But... I really don't like forcing people to buy me gifts   And I know they don't HAVE to, but who shows up to a shower without a gift?

Ugh, I'm SO uncomfortable with it.

SarahPLiz

I'd suck it up and do it. I didn't have any pre-wedding parties either, and my mom was really wanting to throw one, so I kind of had to let her throw me a shower. I'm not so much a center of attention person either, but people are obviously excited for us and I don't want to damper their spirits by being a spoil sport of sorts. 

If I were you, I'd ask her to keep it small though, more of a sprinkle than a shower, or have it co-ed where its a couples BBQ thing that is not so much all about the gifts but about celebrating the new baby. 

mandysmear

Have the shower!  Swag baby!

I hate bridal showers.  But, baby showers are great.  Those things are expensive!

Do a joint shower!  With beers and chicken wings!  That's what I would request if someone were to throw me a shower.

[Deleted User]

I'd let them throw a shower.  I know you can't dictate what kind of shower and all that, but maybe suggest to your sister everyone just bring a book for the baby's collection or something like that. 

AbbeyS2011

Ditto on the babies are not cheap.  I would grin and bear it. 

When I get a Baby Shower invite, I always get an outfit (Not NB size) or two and at least one pack of diapers.  At the beginning, it is a good idea to use disposable even if you want to do cloth, since baby's system take a bit to adjust to "life on the outside". 

crfische

And truly...showers aren't necessarily all about you. My mom would be crushed if I ever got pregnant and didn't have a shower. There's stuff that I think she's been looking forward to. So, just doing it to make my mom happy would personally be enough reason for me to have it.

You avoid family conflict, get good stuff, and you're remotely uncomfortable for a few hours at most. You have people who love you and babybot and they want to buy you stuff.

BE gracious and let them.

RobotLegs

*Sigh*  Ok, I'll suck it up.  We were already talking co-ed BBQ type thing, either at my parents house or the pool at my apartment.  I really don't want to cause a rift or hurt my mom and sister over it. 

xyrius

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:c0113bdf-4dd7-468e-a2af-f9c5e6e8bfd2">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]Fish, that was my mom's justification:  people love to buy baby stuff.  But... I really don't like forcing people to buy me gifts :(  And I know they don't HAVE to, but who shows up to a shower without a gift? Ugh, I'm SO uncomfortable with it.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

do not feel like you're forcing anybody to buy you anything, people (myself included) LOVE to buy baby stuff - especially if you don't have small babies of your own anymore.  and if they don't want to they won't come. 

and babies are freakin' expensive, i'm glad/grateful that someone threw me a baby shower.

but that said, i wouldn't do anything that you're not comfortable with.

georgia_bride09

I also vote to just give this one up. And if it's joint, it'll be way less awkward.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:79704ce1-81f8-4b7d-8da7-7e8475dff0a3">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you let them throw you a small shower?  Would that make them fell better? Like limited to a dozen people or something? Edit:  Feel, not fell.
Posted by Meg1036[/QUOTE]

Did you write that KPS?

AbbeyS2011

Ok Kiki - now think, BABY REGISTRY!

lol - had to throw that out there.

I love to crochet - I will make you a baby blanket if you want one .  My dear friend is expecting so I have baby blanket fever right now. 

georgia_bride09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:1e0221fc-d537-45dd-9d59-12b69a416280">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me. : Did you write that KPS?
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Mind meld!

Beachy730

Ditto Fish on it being more for your mom probably.  My mom had been planning my shower I think since before we got engaged, because it's just one of those fun things a mother can do.  

But yeah I would definitely just have one.  Babies are super expensive, and you get some great stuff.  Even if I don't like the games played at most baby showers, I like going to those better than bridal showers, and like shopping for them way more.

georgia_bride09

Kiki, I'd register for the carseat and the stroller and the Pack & Play and any other big stuff you might want. You never know. I mean, they offered. That way, if someone DOES buy it, you don't have to. And if they don't, well, you weren't planning on anyone buying it anyway.  

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:f97406ca-8d37-4acf-b32f-c6358aaa72ad">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]And truly...showers aren't necessarily all about you. My mom would be crushed if I ever got pregnant and didn't have a shower. There's stuff that I think she's been looking forward to. So, just doing it to make my mom happy would personally be enough reason for me to have it. You avoid family conflict, get good stuff, and you're remotely uncomfortable for a few hours at most. You have people who love you and babybot and they want to buy you stuff. BE gracious and let them.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Totally this. 

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:1e0221fc-d537-45dd-9d59-12b69a416280">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me. : Did you write that KPS?
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Totally did not.  I'm still a newb here (although I like it), so I haven't submitted a KPS yet.

I just type too fast for my own good, and end up with typos.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:6d59fdf7-eb58-4d29-bb06-1f11634e1dd5">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok Kiki - now think, BABY REGISTRY! lol - had to throw that out there. I love to crochet - I will make you a baby blanket if you want one :).  My dear friend is expecting so I have baby blanket fever right now. 
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

<div>My friends just had a baby, and their house is crammed full of baby stuff I made for them.</div><div>
</div><div>Kiki, if you need blankets or other cuteness, we've got you covered.</div>

pinkpinot

I am uncomfortable with gift giving parties too but think of it this way: the gifts aren't for you but for the babybot!  It's babybot's first par-tay and you can't deprive future Grandma of that. 

niquemel

Guests don't have to show up to a shower unless they want to, don't worry about it.

Just make the most of it during those few hours, it's better than hurting your sister's feelings (the resentment will last more than a few hours!).

eviltwin13

I am not up to this yet - but when I am, I will not be having a baby shower. I come from a highly superstitious family and there will be no buying anything for a baby that hasn't been born yet. My own mother had everything picked out at the store, but nothing bought or delivered until I actually showed up. I'd much rather have a "meet the baby" party, and then it can be all about the baby.

That being said, I've participated in throwing baby showers for my two best friends and they can be nice - so this is really personal preference.

pinkpinot

How the hell did your parents bring you home from the hospital, eviltwin13 if they didn't buy anything (car seat) until after you were born?

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:4531c791-40fb-409e-baa9-57316c32fce5">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am uncomfortable with gift giving parties too but think of it this way: the gifts aren't for you but for the babybot!  It's babybot's first par-tay and you can't deprive future Grandma of that. 
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

That's how I see it too.  I'm not a shower person myself, but if your family is gungho about one, well, smile and say thank you.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sorry-im-pw-family-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de38f15f-8993-4740-9754-44da66d19b49Post:62685b05-7f9a-43b8-8c0f-0871bb56c64a">Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sorry, I'm a PW. My family is mad at me. : My family has this superstition, too.  We have ginormous Christening parties, instead.  It's kind of understood that the grandparents will buy a crib or a carseat and a few clothes.  Most of the rest of the big ticket stuff comes when the baby is Christened.  If showers occur, they are never hosted by my family (hosted by friends or the in-laws).
Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]

Wait, so the baby comes home to...almost nothing? Like, babies go through a lot of onsies. And diapers. And they don't have anything to look at in their crib? This is just odd.

mica178

I believe that traditionally Jewish people throw the baby shower after the baby is born too.