Rehearsal Dinner Guest Etiquette

[Deleted User]

My sister, her family and I (single no kids) were invited to my half-brother's wedding rehearsal dinner before his wedding. We are out of town guests and flew to another country to attend.

We went to the rehearsal dinner and thanked the bride and groom. I don't remember the details of the invitation. The next day at the reception, we were told by our brother that his stepfather had paid for the rehearsal dinner and was angry with us (my sister and I) that we didn't thank him "so we had better go thank him."

Can someone tell me what the proper etiquette is for this?  I was under the impression that it was for thanking out of town guests for attending. I am pretty sure his $50 dinner didn't equate to my $1200 flight and hotel and gift. AND we thanked the bride and groom.

Viczaesar

Rehearsal dinners are not for thanking out of town guests for attending.  They're for thanking the people who attended the rehearsal.  Sometimes out of town guests are invited as well, which is a nice gesture.  You should not be thinking about it offsetting the costs of you attending the wedding - not least because it wasn't hosted by the bride and groom.

That said, I think it's ridiculous that the host of the rehearsal dinner is demanding a thank you.

whitsy

Sometimes, the RD is a thank you or sort of welcome to the OOT guests, but most definitely a thank you to the WP. It's kinda silly that the stepfather is angry.

That said, I always take a second to thank my hosts, whether a dinner was specifically for me or not. I just think it's a nice thing to do. To keep the peace, I'd probably call stepfather (if you feel comfortable) and thank him for the invite.

willywally5

It's just an honest mistake as you weren't sure who was hosting the RD. So you thanked the B&G, thinking they were hosting. Big deal. The dad needs to get a grip, but I'd either send him a thank-you note or give him a call to thank him. Just to unruffle his delicate little feathers. 

Loopyseven

How were you invited to the RD?  DId you get a formal invitation from FIL or was it by a more casual method through the B&G?  

jessicabessica

You should always thank your hosts, IMO.  It sounds like you didn't know who the host was, though.  Your brother should have mentioned it when you went up to him and thanked him, if it was going to be a big deal.  And his stepfather should be a more gracious host.

melb2013

I think it was just a mistake and the guy needs to get a grip.  If I were hosting something like that, I don't think I would expect every single person to come up and thank me and I certainly wouldn't be upset or even notice if they didn't.  I'm not saying you shouldn't thank you hosts, I just wouldn't get upset if I were the un-thanked host.

banana468

Well, you're both in the wrong.  You should thank the hosts for hosting you.  

BUT, the hosts should have also made contact with you - did they? 

And the hosts should not be demanding a TY a day later.   So on the turd spectrum, they're far stinkier.

weddingmuse

If the stepdad didn't send you an invitation, how were you supposed to know who was hosting?  Of course one would thank the hosts of any event.