Receiving Line-Kinda long but need advice. TIA!

jma1983

Ok...here's my dilemna...my FMIL has been married 4 times.  So, she tries to joke and call herself a wedding pro.  She often forgets that it's our turn for a wedding, not hers.  She likes to take control and she pouts if she doesn't get what she wants.  I'm trying to figure out my receiving line for after the ceremony.  There will be about 175 people there. 

My idea: My mom, My dad and his fiance (she contributed financially too), FI's mom and stepdad, My grandma and grandpa whom I'm extremely close to, My 2 sisters (both in the wedding party) and us. 

FMIL's idea:  My mom, My dad and his FI, FMIL and husband, Grandparents, Us and All 10 members of the wedding party. 

I think he line is WAY too long for 175 people to work through.  She threw a fit that I'm breaking tradition and I'm cursing my marriage if I don't follow tradition.  It's driving me crazy and it's about to turn into a huge falling out.  Any thoughts as to which line is more appropriate?  And, any suggestions how to handle this situation? 

As a side note, she threw a GINORMOUS fit when I said no Dollar Dance...so big that she was starting to have her relatives call me.  So, I finally gave in and we're doing the DUMB DOLLAR DANCE!  So, that's why I'm very frustrated about another incident (among many others) of her throwing a fit and whining.  I just don't know how to handle it...and 3 days out, I'm stressing big time. 

Night_Sprite

Do just you and parents.  Otherwise it'll take forever and half your guests won't know your grandparents and sisters.

pumpkinpumpkin

Just do table visits. Receiving lines suck anyway. Who TF gives about your FFIL's fiance? Most people dont...and Night, I think your sig is big.

squirrly

I hate receiving lines.  I seriously don't want to talk to your relatives.  I just don't.  I want to talk to you.  I don't know them.  My suggestion - just the two of you.  That's IT.  Or, skip it all together and do table visits, which is a MUCH better idea.

On the dollar dance - just privately ask the DJ to "forget" about it. 

TheSaltyPeanut

Honestly, I think that even what you want to do for a RL is a little large - maybe keep it to just you, H and the parents.

As a guest I find RLs awkward because more often than not I just know the bride and groom

danieliza1127

I think the only people that should be in the receiving line are the bride and groom, their parents (and step-parents if applicable) and that's it.  Your siblings and grandparents don't need to be in the receiving line at all.

Kati0105

As a guest I would be thinking "Wait, I have to talk to the B&G's parents, grandparents, and 10 other effing people before I can get a drink?"

whitneykaye87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_receiving-line-kinda-long-but-need-advice-tia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de581964-a0f1-4064-a79c-3e930c5a5474Post:7ed96e40-0865-46df-becf-ae8c2bc62b2b">Re: Receiving Line-Kinda long but need advice. TIA!</a>:
[QUOTE]As a guest I find RLs awkward because more often than not I just know the bride and groom :/
Posted by TheSaltyPeanut[/QUOTE]

Yep.  Do bride and groom (MAYBE parents) only or just do table visits.  I hate waiting in line, and it sucks even more when I'm waiting in line to talk to people I don't even know.

Schroeder246

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_receiving-line-kinda-long-but-need-advice-tia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de581964-a0f1-4064-a79c-3e930c5a5474Post:37c9b33e-1d72-4a59-aed9-3b33f0e9269a">Receiving Line-Kinda long but need advice. TIA!</a>:
[QUOTE] She threw a fit that I'm breaking tradition and I'm cursing my marriage if I don't follow tradition.  It's driving me crazy and it's about to turn into a huge falling out.  
Posted by jma1983[/QUOTE]

<div>Just curious, but did she have a "traditional" receiving line in all of her 4 marriages?  If she didn't, I'm suuuuure that's what "cursed" her marriages.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm with PP.  Not a fan of receiving lines.  We're doing pics before the ceremony so we can greet all the guests as they come into the cocktail hour.  Between that and table visits, it's all good.</div>

pumpkinpumpkin

Please don't put your grandparents in the RL.
Andplusalso, I don't get what it matters if your FMIL has been married for 4 times. What does that have to do with the RL?

MissLeahM

I also vote for table visiting.

And telling your DJ you are NOT doing a dollar dance.

jma1983

Haha Squirrely...I LOVE your Dollar Dance idea! 

We wanted to do a receiving line because there are quite a few people that can only make it to the ceremony and not the reception.  And, we didn't want to rely just on table visits cuz we don't want to miss anyone.  So, we're definitely going to do the receiving line.  I think I like the idea of just cutting it down to either us or us and parents.  I know as a bridesmaid, I hated standing in a receiving line and talking to and smiling at people I didn't know. 

pumpkinpumpkin

I've never been to a wedding where the RL was at the ceremony.

debbieupper

Call me an idiot, but that is the longest receiving line I have EVER heard of. It's rough enough to have to deal with that awkward moment with both sets of parents where we're all "I-don't-care-about-you-or-who-you-are-but-I'll-shake-your-hand-like-you're-the-goddamn-president".

I think you need to stand up to your FMIL, cut out the dollar dance since you don't want it, do the receiving line YOU want to do and tell her it's not her wedding. She's going to be your "mom" after all, and unless you want to spend the rest of your married life dancing around her antics, you should let her know now that you're a big girl.

jma1983

Thanks everyone!  I made up my mind and I'm putting my foot down with FMIL.  It'll be us and parents and that's it.  Short and sweet.  If she doesn't like it, then she doesn't have to stand in it. 

pumpkin, the only reason I mentioned the part about FMIL being married 4 times is that she's using that to tell me that my RL is not traditional and that it'll be a cursed marriage if I break tradition. 

Schroeder, if she did have the "traditional" RL, then apparently it didn't work for her either. 

Thanks again girls!

kd.joseph

RL suck.Don't do one at all it will save some headache. Just make sure you do table visits. No one wants to stand in a line forever just to get to the reception, and I'm sure your WP doesn't want to stand in a line receiving people they don't know.

I agree with Squirrly privately ask the DJ to forget the dollar dance.

And I'm sorry, but your wedding is cursed if you don't do these things, really? This coming from a woman married 4 times. If you didn't have to live with her for the rest of your life, I'd politely mention that fact. But just bite your tongue.

pumpkinpumpkin

If my FMIL was on her 4th marriage, I honestly would've told her right then and there that obviously she didn't have a traditional RL either.

jma1983

She brags about it being her 4th marriage and it makes me gag!  I told her one time, as politely as I could, that I couldn't believe how proud she is of her marriages.  And, she's one of those people where it's never her fault, it was always her ex's fault.  But, she's "so fortunate to find 4 men that wanted to marry her."  Yup, she said that! GROSS!

andyandhillary

Just keep it to your parents and yourselves. 

I'm not anti-RL because I think that table visits are often extremely impersonal.  The couple goes to the table, hardly talks to anyone except for the 2 people they "care" about, and then leaves after 2 minutes.  If they even get to the table.  I'm a big fan of telling each guest you appreciate them coming.

If you don't want to do a RL but are not gung-ho (sp?) on table visits then you could usher people out of their seats at the church.  Andy's cousin did this and it was nice because they greeted each guest but the guests who weren't leaving could sit in the church for awhile versus standing in line. 

[Deleted User]

Ugh, I hate receiving lines. And if I had to join a RL with 175 people, I wouldn't do it. Who the hell wants to stand there while a line drags on and on? Just do table visits.

ThePinkSuperhero

I think you should keep it to you guys and your parents.  The siblings, the grandparents, the wedding party = too much.

skippylouwho

Like many have said, if you are having a RL it should be the two of you, parents/step-parents and that's it.  Plus if your FI has siblings, and your 2 sisters are in the RL, shouldn't his siblings be there too?

As far as the dollar dance. Tell the DJ - you start a dollar dance you won't get paid. PERIOD.