Do I have to provide a reason?

Miracle520

I sent about 15 std's to friends for an Oct wedding. We decided this week, because of various reasons, we are cancelling the big event and having a small destination wedding. Just family. I know this isn't "right" or "proper etiquette" but it's already done and makes us happy.

I am sending nice handwritten notes on pretty cards out to the few  people who got std's. Do I have to provide a reason for the decision or can I simply say something along the lines of...

"While we were looking forward to celebrating with you in October, we have made a decision to have a small destination wedding. We regret that we won't see you on our big day but do appreciate all your love and support"

emilyinchile

I don't think you HAVE to provide a reason, but I think it would be much appreciated so your friends don't feel so much like you just don't want them at your wedding.

aragx6

I think what you said above is fine.

lmg1115

As long as youre not going to try and have a giant reception with showers and bachelorette parties after your destination wedding, i think your note to send (especially since it will be hand written) is perfect and thoughtful

Miracle520

Thanks! We are just having a DW. No bridal showers. No bach parties. We aren't registering anywhere for gifts. No AHR. We just are running off and getting married. We are trying to do this switch in the most polite way possible.

I'd like to offer a reason but my reason is really complicared and  I'd like to keep it short, simple and kind sounding.

Would it be nice if we added that we'll post photos for everyone on our website? Maybe that would help them to feel like they can still be a part of the day in a small way?

missfarar

I agree with everyone else. What you've said above looks good.

On a side note...how exciting that you moved your wedding up! I remember from the October board some of the issues you had with venues. Congrats and I hope you have an amazing DW!

LoveMuffins

I would say "family only" instead of "small", because if i got a letter like that from someone i considered a good friend, I'd feel a little wtf that etiquette had been blown and wonder why i hadn't made the cut into the "small" wedding... cuz for a good friend i would be totally willing to go to their destination. so if it's truly going to be family only, i'd say so.

the rest of it looks good, imo

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_provide-reason?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dea231bc-a32d-4eae-a00b-0ed557f9f74ePost:2cce8e5e-6823-4ef0-81d9-77431924ec57">Re: Do I have to provide a reason?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say "family only" instead of "small", because if i got a letter like that from someone i considered a good friend, I'd feel a little wtf that etiquette had been blown and wonder why i hadn't made the cut into the "small" wedding... cuz for a good friend i would be totally willing to go to their destination. so if it's truly going to be family only, i'd say so. the rest of it looks good, imo =)
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  To be honest, if I had gotten your STD I'd be pretty bummed that you are canceling it (I love weddings).  So yeah, just try to keep it as nice as possible and make it known that it isn't because you don't like the person or you are choosing to exclude them. 

of course, hopefully these friends are close enough that they know what's going on anyway. Right?

quirky75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_provide-reason?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dea231bc-a32d-4eae-a00b-0ed557f9f74ePost:ffd7c50e-9133-4247-9831-04fe1f0e4cc7">Re: Do I have to provide a reason?</a>:
[QUOTE]On a side note...how exciting that you moved your wedding up! I remember from the October board some of the issues you had with venues. Congrats and I hope you have an amazing DW!
Posted by missfarar[/QUOTE]

Same. I'm glad you decided to do what was best for you two! :)

P.S. I'm kinda jealous of both of you for moving your weddings up!

missfarar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_provide-reason?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dea231bc-a32d-4eae-a00b-0ed557f9f74ePost:2cf4c551-d198-4304-a0fe-77863a5dfd0f">Re: Do I have to provide a reason?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to provide a reason? : Same. I'm glad you decided to do what was best for you two! :) P.S. I'm kinda jealous of both of you for moving your weddings up!
Posted by deeegoalie[/QUOTE]

I check back on the October board every once in a while! I miss all of you! Moving the wedding up has made my life a little crazier than I expected, but I'm so excited for it to be here! I plan on AWing on the October board when we get some pictures back in June!

Miracle520

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_provide-reason?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dea231bc-a32d-4eae-a00b-0ed557f9f74ePost:7ee9ab77-2be7-4db6-86b7-1ce133c5ae45">Re: Do I have to provide a reason?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: hopefully these friends are close enough that they know what's going on anyway. Right?
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

Most of them are former sorority sisters that I don't see often. I sent std's because it's always been kind of an unspoken rule that you invite them.

I don't want to say family only because it isn't family only. I'm just going to say small and if anyone gets mad...I'll deal with it as it comes. But to be honest, I know none of them could afford to go along with us so I don't want to go through the farce of inviting and them declining etc etc