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major stress

I am on a super low budget, and I am having a really hard time deciding what to do about food at my reception. I have about 15 guests and it is at a small restaraunt. The venue itself is not very much but the food could get to be about $200 and that cuts into my budget for everything else. If I just do appetizers and a few desserts I will be on budget. HELP!!!!
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Re: major stress

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    You have another thread already going on this and people have responded.  Is it not showing up for you?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    If you look at her post history, she's posted this a few times other places too.  Doesn't seem to come back to her threads much.
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    Can you really not afford $200 for some dinner for 10-15 people?  Really?

    But yes, time of day dictates what you serve.  Meal time = full meal






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    wow...is it listed somewhere that i can only have one thread? I thought maybe I would get more people to see it if it were posted in a couple places...my bad. not everyone looks at every catagory.
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    simple mistake. I did not come here to be judged for posting in too many places, I came here for help and now I feel like I am being belittled and I am about done with what I thought was a cool website to get advice from other brides in my situation. I didnt know about the XP
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    $200.00 isn't unreasonable to feed 15 people.  I would maybe push back your wedding date until you can come up with $200.00 or just get married at the courthouse. 

    I don't know what "everything else" items you are including in your budget, but I would try to cut out something and find a way to afford food.
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    I think $200 for dinner is an awesome price.  How long until your wedding?  You could save up for that by setting aside a small amount of money a week.  In my experience, food/venue usually takes up the most room in wedding budgets.  If you cannot afford a full meal, having your wedding at a non meal time and serving cake and punch (and possibly apps) is a perfectly acceptable alternative.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:04cc75fb-885f-4727-a298-39ac7bf7ea90">Re:major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you aren't having the wedding at a meal time, then it's fine. Otherwise, you need to serve enough food to equal dinner. 200 is pretty cheap for food for that many people. Can you trim something else in the budget, like decorations? I'm also confused as to why you would post the exact same question on the exact same board within a half hour of each other.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>I posted it it twice by mistake, i didnt realize it was the same board and everyone is ridiculing me for it</div>
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    How much less is the appetizers option? Apps ever at an inexpensive place is $5, desserts $3 for that'll costs $160-180, I'd give your guests a full meal and skip somthing else. 
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    No one was ridiculing you for it.  There have been tons of tech issues on The Knot and I legitimately thought that maybe you couldn't see your other thread.  I was trying to let you know that people had already started answering on that one.  I was trying to help.

    And for clarity, I'm talking about your other thread directly under this one, not on any other boards.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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    Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:3524db0c-3cf5-4d2c-83de-a24d370168b7">major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am on a super low budget, and I am having a really hard time deciding what to do about food at my reception. I have about 15 guests and it is at a small restaraunt. The venue itself is not very much but the food could get to be about $200 and <strong>that cuts into my budget for everything else</strong>. If I just do appetizers and a few desserts I will be on budget. HELP!!!!
    Posted by DarkestAngel71[/QUOTE]

    If you're having the reception during a meal time, you need to feed your guests a meal. If you want to do appetizers, that means having enough apps that people will be full.

    I noticed in some of your other threads, you were looking for ideas for decor, favors, and cupcake recipes. I strongly advise you to pull from your budget for those items and use that money to properly host your guests. A wedding reception doesn't require decorations or a candy buffet or cute cupcakes to be in line with etiquette. Guests don't remember favors and won't miss the Halloween cupcakes or candy. They WILL remember not being fed properly--even your closest 20 friends and family members will not be thrilled if they leave your wedding hungry.

    Buy a gently worn wedding dress, do your own hair and make-up, skip a professional photographer, have an ordained friend marry you, wear shoes you already own, do whatever you have to do <em>except</em> skimp on your guests.

    And remember (one of the only good party lines on TK IMO), if you have to ask if something is rude or acceptable, chances are it's rude.
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    First off let me commend you for being open and honest about your budget! And the fact that you are nervously double posting your question to find help is not something for other users to scold you about. Looking through this site and seeing brides posting about their celebrity wedding planner, 2000 dress, 300 shoes, and 10,000 venues.. I can understand why most people find it ridiculous that a 200 dinner is out of your budget. Like you, I have a limited budget because I am paying for everything myself. With a budget of 2000, including a 500 dress, free ceremony site beach, free venue my 3 acre home, I am also limited on funds for my wedding options. I have called in all of my reinforcements for help and it has saved me 1000s! My friend has a band so all music is free, another has a commercial BBQ and with only the cost of meat, he will be grilling our meals 80 people. You just need to be creative with your planning and do not be afraid to ask all of your loved ones for help or ideas! It will turn out just fine! I hope your day is magical and filled with many happy memories!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:05716c50-85c3-4393-9f2f-f6cad8708b66">Re:major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]First off let me commend you for being open and honest about your budget! And the fact that you are nervously double posting your question to find help is not something for other users to scold you about. Looking through this site and seeing brides posting about their celebrity wedding planner, 2000 dress, 300 shoes, and 10,000 venues.. I can understand why most people find it ridiculous that a 200 dinner is out of your budget. Like you, I have a limited budget because I am paying for everything myself. With a budget of 2000, including a 500 dress, free ceremony site beach, free venue my 3 acre home, I am also limited on funds for my wedding options. I have called in all of my reinforcements for help and it has saved me 1000s! My friend has a band so all music is free, another has a commercial BBQ and with only the cost of meat, he will be grilling our meals 80 people. You just need to be creative with your planning and do not be afraid to ask all of your loved ones for help or ideas! It will turn out just fine! I hope your day is magical and filled with many happy memories!
    Posted by smcgaughy[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow, thanks for coming on here, and in your VERY FIRST POST, belittling those of us who have been here receiving and giving help for years.  Guess what -- my husband and I paid for our own wedding, and so do the majority of brides on here.    $200 is a real ammount of money, but still one that can easily be saved over a short period of time by prioritizing and budgeting.  And no one was belittling her for double-posting -- with tech issues on TK lately, a lot of people have trouble seeing their posts.  But yeah, people tend to get a little upset when they put time, effort, and thought into answering someone's question just to have them not read it and post the same question again (like the previous responses weren't read, or weren't good enough).</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, I answered a different thread of yours on the same topic.   Also, I HIGHLY recommend the "Budget Weddings" board -- brides on there have awesome suggestions for how to save money, and do some amazing things on absolutely tiny budgets.   You might get a lot of good ideas for your wedding:-)  Congrats and good luck.

    </div>
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    I aswered your question on your other thread.  $200 for food for 15 people is an amazing deal.  I don't understand how somebody would have a hard time saving $15 a week.  There has got to be something that you currently buy that you can cut out of your budget.  My husband and I became very thrifty for 3 months to save money for our wedding.  No movies, no going out to dinner, we used coupons, looked at prices at the grocery stores, cut out Netflix and Hulu, no new clothes, no weekend getaways, etc.  You can be amazed at the amount of money spent on things you really don't need.
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    Problem solved, we are having dinner and dessert at our place, no decorations, no fun or entertainment, then going to some free haunted houses and the bar for a couple drinks and dancing. pretty forgettable, but oh well...
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    OP sounds like she is suffering under some other terrible disappointments and for some reason, is taking it out on us. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:af6746a1-c453-4d5f-ad29-272fc150566b">Re: major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Problem solved, we are having dinner and dessert at our place, no decorations, no fun or entertainment, then going to some free haunted houses and the bar for a couple drinks and dancing. pretty forgettable, but oh well...
    Posted by DarkestAngel71[/QUOTE]

    Do you understand how you're coming across here? It sounds like you don't understand the entire point of a wedding. The fact that you think your wedding will be "forgettable" because you can't afford to hire entertainment and decorate your venue AND serve a full meal (which btw doesn't make sense because there is a vast price difference there, as Stage pointed out) leads me to believe that you're trying to prove something to your guests. With a twenty-person guest list, I'm hoping these are all people you know well, who love and support you. They are there to witness your wedding, not to be wowed by decor and entertainment.
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    For the record, husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves.  We had a two year engagement so we could save up the money to have the wedding we wanted.  We were very thrifty for those two years and it really made a difference.  We created a budget and stuck to it as much as possible.  We didn't have favors and used minimal decorations.  It is definitely doable with the right attitude. 
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    I was MOH in my best friend's wedding 2 weeks ago... I couldn't even tell you if she had decorations, let alone what they were. What I can tell you is that her food was amazing fresh beef pork from her nowH's family's farm. Seriously, people don't remember decorations; they remember how they were treated.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:af6746a1-c453-4d5f-ad29-272fc150566b">Re: major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Problem solved, we are having dinner and dessert at our place, no decorations, no fun or entertainment, then going to some free haunted houses and the bar for a couple drinks and dancing. pretty forgettable, but oh well...
    Posted by DarkestAngel71[/QUOTE]

    <div>Dear baby jesus. OP. How do you survive? I don't understand. Have you never had things not go the way you planned?</div><div>
    </div><div>And as for being forgettable? I would be willing to bet MOST weddings are forgettable. I barely remember MY OWN freaking wedding. All that matters is that I'm married and everyone was taken care of.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:e405b9a3-1831-433a-970d-7074011370ad">Re:major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, you were going to rent an entire venue, buy decorations, and have dancing and other "fun" entertainment for 200? You know you could just postpone until you have enough money to have the wedding you really want, but obviously cannot afford right now.  If your wedding is a massive flop, it won't be lack of Halloween candy or decorations that does it. It will be your attitude about it. Guests take their cues from the bride and groom when it comes to having a good time.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>OP, Stage made great points here along with the other posters who have responded to you.  If you are not happy with the wedding that you can plan with your current budget, then wait and save for the wedding you want.  If you don't want to wait, then make the best of your budget and listen to the advice that's given here. Stop being a martyr about it and make a decision as to what's important to you. This "woe-is-me" mess is going to get you nowhere fast.

    </div>
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    Alright, I am sorry if I am coming across as whiny and "woe is me" not what I mean to do. Yes, most of my issue is not with my wedding, it is the fact that my family does not support our marriage and will not be there. and that does hurt a lot. they have been trying to break us up since day one and our wedding has already been postponed twice and i wont postpone it again. i just want the best day possible for us and my guests and i dont want anyone walking away going "wow...that was lame"
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_major-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df987081-9118-4809-8087-1d10c9c686b2Post:13666106-7105-40cf-b86a-fb830a77fe5c">Re: major stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright, I am sorry if I am coming across as whiny and "woe is me" not what I mean to do. Yes, most of my issue is not with my wedding, it is the fact that my family does not support our marriage and will not be there. and that does hurt a lot. they have been trying to break us up since day one and our wedding has already been postponed twice and i wont postpone it again. i just want the best day possible for us and my guests and i<strong> dont want anyone walking away going "wow...that was lame"</strong>
    Posted by DarkestAngel71[/QUOTE]

    Pretty sure that is only the women on the show "4 Brides" where they all visit and critique each other's weddings.

    Real people go to weddings to support the couple.  I'm sorry your family has been so unsupportive, but that doesn't mean that your guests will be judging your wedding.

    Good luck planning!
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    Belittling no.. That was not my intention to those who were being helpful and insiteful and I will apologize that I did not specify the comments I was referring to. There were a few rather harsh and degrading comments stating that 200 was very inexpencive and that she should just push back the date or just have a courthouse wedding. Those comments are not something a bride should be subject to, expecially since we do not know their personal financial hardships. I flagged the negative posts and as I come back to the forum they are now gone and I am pleased. Again, it was not my intention to offend those of you who are here to help and offer positive guidance! After all, the majority of us are here of the same reason!
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    edited July 2012
    In Response to Re:major stress:[QUOTE]simple mistake. I did not come here to be judged for posting in too many places, I came here for help and now I feel like I am being belittled and I am about done with what I thought was a cool website to get advice from other brides in my situation. I didnt know about the XP Posted by DarkestAngel71[/QUOTE]

    Welcome to the etiquette board. Most of the posters here feed off of belittling people. I can't tell you how many harassing posts I had to report here. 200 is an excellent price, but seek opinions elsewhere. The only thing you'll get on this board are people who hang on one point and will keep telling you how idiotic you are. I do think just appetizers and desserts would be a little odd but if it's small maybe not.
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    In Response to Re:major stress:[QUOTE]Belittling no.. That was not my intention to those who were being helpful and insiteful and I will apologize that I did not specify the comments I was referring to. There were a few rather harsh and degrading comments stating that 200 was very inexpencive and that she should just push back the date or just have a courthouse wedding. Those comments are not something a bride should be subject to, expecially since we do not know their personal financial hardships. I flagged the negative posts and as I come back to the forum they are now gone and I am pleased. Again, it was not my intention to offend those of you who are here to help and offer positive guidance! After all, the majority of us are here of the same reason! Posted by smcgaughy[/QUOTE]

    Finally, a kind face! Love your response.
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