Separate ceremony and reception guest lists

lcatterton

Hey ladies, after reading edingerwedding's post about who to invite to a bridal shower when having a separate ceremony and reception I decided that I should probably get advice on how my wedding will play out and to make sure it follows proper etiquette.

What I'm hoping to do is have a private ceremony inviting only our close family members (immediate family/step family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) so basically the family that we spend holidays with. About 60 people. Then we were planning on having a dinner/reception later in the evening where we invite the remaining family members (great aunts/uncles) and our friends, coworkers, etc.. About 160 people (including the ceremony list).

The plan was to give an hour or so in between the ceremony and reception for people to go and check into their hotels and for the reception guests to show up.

The reasoning for this is that my fiance is an extremely private person, and I mean EXTREMELY, so he does not want a bunch of people at our ceremony that he does not ever personally interact with.

Is this improper? If so, how can I accomplish this without having tons of people at our ceremony? Also, who should be included in such things as the bridal shower if we did our wedding this way?

(Edit: Removed a rude comment, my apologies.)

MyUserName1

It's really offputting when you tell people how to post, so your rude tone just makes people more likely to be harsher.

There is no polite way to have a tiered wedding unless your ceremony is TRULY private (i.e. immediate family only)

OliveOilsMom

You cannot do what you have described above.  The only way that you can pull this off is to have immediate family and close friends only at the ceremony, maybe 20 people max, then the remainder of the guest list at the reception. 

How will the other 100 people feel when they realize about half of the guests were invited to the ceremony but they didn't make the cut.   But were good enough to be invited so they can provide a gift to the B&G.

QueerFemme

Yes, this is improper.   If you want a private ceremony, and a larger reception, that's fine. But, the ceremony needs to be truly private.  Like, Immediate family only.  Mom, Dad, grandparents, siblings.  But, leave the aunts/uncles, cousins.  I would say a "private" ceremony is no more than maybe, 20 people. 

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:f29785c0-e65a-4da9-8e6d-0859fcadc5a5">Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies, after reading edingerwedding's post about who to invite to a bridal shower when having a separate ceremony and reception I decided that I should probably get advice on how my wedding will play out and to make sure it follows proper etiquette. What I'm hoping to do is have a private ceremony inviting only our close family members (immediate family/step family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) so basically the family that we spend holidays with. About 60 people. Then we were planning on having a dinner/reception later in the evening where we invite the remaining family members (great aunts/uncles) and our friends, coworkers, etc.. About 160 people (including the ceremony list). The plan was to give an hour or so in between the ceremony and reception for people to go and check into their hotels and for the reception guests to show up. The reasoning for this is that my fiance is an extremely private person, and I mean EXTREMELY, so he does not want a bunch of people at our ceremony that he does not ever personally interact with. Is this improper? If so, how can I accomplish this without having tons of people at our ceremony? Also, who should be included in such things as the bridal shower if we did our wedding this way?<strong> (Please keep in mind that I am looking for constructive criticism, not rudeness.)</strong>
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]
First off, you can't tell people how to post.  People on this board are rarely rude.<div>
</div><div>As to your question, your idea is not good etiquette-wise.  A "private" ceremony has just a few people, like just immediate family.  A 60-person ceremony is almost half of your total number.  I don't really get how this helps your FI - when you get right down to it, what's the difference between 60 and 160?  And believe me - when you're standing up there, you won't even have any idea how many people are there.  There could have been 3000 and the only person I remember was my H.</div><div>
</div><div>I have never understood the private ceremony thing - just invite people to the whole wedding.  It's rude to tier.</div>

ginadog

"What I'm hoping to do is have a private ceremony inviting only our close family members (immediate family/step family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) so basically the family that we spend holidays with. About 60 people."

How about cutting the ceremony list to just immediate family/step family, grandparents?  How many is that?  Then I think you fall within the lines of etiquette then.

daubachsgirl23

I believe that having 60 people at the ceremony is too large a gathering.  To have the "intimate ceremony, large reception" without being rude, the attendees of the ceremony should be *immediate* family: parents and siblings.  No grandparents, no aunts/uncles/cousins, etc.  If you want a family-only ceremony with 60ish people, you should invite only those people to a reception.  After the wedding, you can hold a celebratory party, but you shouldn't wear a poofy white dress, have a first dance, WP, so on and so forth.  It should just be to hang out with friends and family and enjoy everyone's company as newlyweds.

Also, if you do the immediate family ceremony (with just parents and siblings) with a large reception, I believe only those people invited to both events should be invited to the shower or any pre-wedding party.

Avion22

Generally, these types of tiered weddings are only acceptable when the ceremony is TRULY private, meaning parents, siblings, and grandparents only (ideally, fewer than about 20 people).  By the time you invite all of your aunts, uncles, and cousins, and you're talking about 60 people, it's no longer private.  The 100 or so people who are invited to the reception only will likely see that they didn't make the "top 60" that were invited to actually witness you saying your vows.

If 60 is the number you feel comfortable with, then just invite those 60 to both parts and skip the other 100 peple.  We did parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a few VERY close friends and were at 80.  It was plenty for a fun and lively wedding, and we were surrounded by those who we are closest to.

Plus?  If your fiance is really that private a person, why would be okay with a 160-person-reception, but only a 60-person ceremony?  It doesn't make sense to me.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:f29785c0-e65a-4da9-8e6d-0859fcadc5a5">Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies, after reading edingerwedding's post about who to invite to a bridal shower when having a separate ceremony and reception I decided that I should probably get advice on how my wedding will play out and to make sure it follows proper etiquette. <strong>What I'm hoping to do is have a private ceremony inviting only our close family members (immediate family/step family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins)</strong> so basically the family that we spend holidays with. About 60 people. Then we were planning on having a dinner/reception later in the evening where we invite the remaining family members (great aunts/uncles) and our friends, coworkers, etc.. About 160 people (including the ceremony list). The plan was to give an hour or so in between the ceremony and reception for people to go and check into their hotels and for the reception guests to show up. The reasoning for this is that my fiance is an extremely private person, and I mean EXTREMELY, so he does not want a bunch of people at our ceremony that he does not ever personally interact with. Is this improper? If so, how can I accomplish this without having tons of people at our ceremony? Also, who should be included in such things as the bridal shower if we did our wedding this way? (Please keep in mind that I am looking for constructive criticism, not rudeness.)
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

That is <strong>NOT </strong>a private ceremony.  What you are descibing is a tiered wedding and that is rude. 

Sjmiller418

I can understand the idea of being private and wanting a small ceremony but 60 people is a bunch of people anyways so why split it up at all? Personally I'd feel weird as a guest showing up just right after the ceremony to be there for the reception but not so much if it was spread out and was actually an intimate ceremony. As for invites anyone feel free to correct if I'm wrong but I see no problem inviting everyone that your inviting to the reception list to the pre wedding parties.

Maggie0829

Yes, what you are planning is improper.  However, if you limit your ceremony guests to immediate family only (meaning, parents and siblings and SO's of siblings and possibly grandparents, but that is pushing it) then it is perfectly acceptable to have a private ceremony and larger reception.

My only question is that I get your FI is a very private person and doesn't want a lot of people to witness the ceremony but with him being so private how does he feel about such a large reception?  He is still going to get a lot of attention from the guests so I guess I just don't get it.

As for the bridal shower, IMO, only those invited to both ceremony and reception should be invited but that is just me.

AceTT

I agree with PPs. This is a tiered wedding and goes against etiquette. You have three choices:

1.) Invite immediate family only to the ceremony (parents, siblings, grandparents). Usually this is 10-20 people depending on the size of your family. Then invite as many people as you want to reception.

2.) Invite all 160 people to both the ceremony and reception.

3.) Invite the 60 ceremony invitees to the ceremony and reception; do not invite the other 100 you mentioned to any part of the wedding, thereby having a small family-only wedding.

Good luck!

lcatterton

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:c4a1686b-f4ff-435c-929f-c9e3c35eebc8">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, this is improper.   If you want a private ceremony, and a larger reception, that's fine. But, the ceremony needs to be truly private.  Like, Immediate family only.  Mom, Dad, grandparents, siblings.  But, leave the aunts/uncles, cousins.  I would say a "private" ceremony is no more than maybe, 20 people. 
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, my fiance's "immediate" family includes 26 people. We're very close with all of our family (aunt/uncles/cousins included). So, with only immediate family/grandparents our guest list is 46 people. I feel it's rude to not include the extra 14 especially since my aunts are throwing my bridal shower. When I was announcing my engagement to our families we were originally planning on the immediate/grandparents thing, but my heart felt sad telling my fiance's aunts about our wedding and not inviting them to it.

To the poster's how commented about being rude, you are correct, I have removed the comment and I truly apologize.

ginadog

Would you be OK with the 60 people being your total reception?  I mean they sound like they are the ones closest to you anyway.  Then you're OK etiquette wise.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5de8ccc5-f67b-4b36-83a9-24730a97958c">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : Unfortunately, my fiance's "immediate" family includes 26 people. We're very close with all of our family (aunt/uncles/cousins included). So, with only immediate family/grandparents our guest list is 46 people. I feel it's rude to not include the extra 14 especially since my aunts are throwing my bridal shower. When I was announcing my engagement to our families we were originally planning on the immediate/grandparents thing, but my heart felt sad telling my fiance's aunts about our wedding and not inviting them to it. To the poster's how commented about being rude, you are correct, I have removed the comment and I truly apologize.
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

<div>Then just invite the 60 (or however many people your fiance feels comfortable with) to the ceremony and recpetion, and do not invite anyone else.  </div><div>
</div><div>I have recently been invited to a "reception only" where I wasn't one of the 60-70 people closest the bride and groom to be invited to their cermeony, and I am truly offended.  I would have rather they just didn't invite me at all, because now if I go to the reception I will fee like I have to get them a gift...and now I'm wondering if that's the only reason they even invited me.  </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5db2c994-7cdc-467d-b1de-26f90706124f">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Would you be OK with the 60 people being your total reception?</strong>  I mean they sound like they are the ones closest to you anyway.  Then you're OK etiquette wise.
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]

I am going to second this question.

Also, I will re-ask my question from a previous post...I am confused how your FI being such a private person and not wanting a huge guest list for the ceremony is then ok with having 160 guests attending the reception.  He will still get gobs of attention that it doesn't seem like he really wants.

daubachsgirl23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5de8ccc5-f67b-4b36-83a9-24730a97958c">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : Unfortunately, my fiance's "immediate" family includes 26 people. We're very close with all of our family (aunt/uncles/cousins included). So, with only immediate family/grandparents our guest list is 46 people. I feel it's rude to not include the extra 14 especially since my aunts are throwing my bridal shower. When I was announcing my engagement to our families we were originally planning on the immediate/grandparents thing, but my heart felt sad telling my fiance's aunts about our wedding and not inviting them to it. To the poster's how commented about being rude, you are correct, I have removed the comment and I truly apologize.
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

If I were you, I would just have the ceremony and reception with the 60-ish people you want.  Have a big non-wedding party with your friends/more distant family later on.  I totally get wanting only close family and friends at the ceremony (our wedding is going to be around 75 people, and about 60 of those are relatives), but everyone at the reception needs to be invited to the ceremony as well.

daubachsgirl23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:c0cad502-9638-4f3f-959f-d00dd42c0d1f">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : Then just invite the 60 (or however many people your fiance feels comfortable with) to the ceremony and recpetion, and do not invite anyone else.   I have recently been invited to a "reception only" where I wasn't one of the 60-70 people closest the bride and groom to be invited to their cermeony, and I am truly offended.  I would have rather they just didn't invite me at all, because now if I go to the reception I will fee like I have to get them a gift...and now I'm wondering if that's the only reason they even invited me.  
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I agree with Avion--I would be really offended in that situation also.  I can't imagine it's a good feeling to think that you're good enough to bring a gift and have dinner, but not important enough to watch the couple exchange vows.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5de8ccc5-f67b-4b36-83a9-24730a97958c">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : Unfortunately, my fiance's "immediate" family includes 26 people. We're very close with all of our family (aunt/uncles/cousins included). So, with only immediate family/grandparents our guest list is 46 people. I feel it's rude to not include the extra 14 especially since my aunts are throwing my bridal shower. When I was announcing my engagement to our families we were originally planning on the immediate/grandparents thing, but my heart felt sad telling my fiance's aunts about our wedding and not inviting them to it. To the poster's how commented about being rude, you are correct, I have removed the comment and I truly apologize.
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

well, it sounds like your immediate family and the ones you would be sad not to include, are just toooo many people to make this a private ceremony.

Either make a decision to have a small wedding AND reception (those 60-70 people ONLY at both events), or figure out a way for your fiance's social anxiety and invite the whole 160 people to both the ceremony and reception.  There really isn't a middle ground here that is acceptable and not rude.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:f29785c0-e65a-4da9-8e6d-0859fcadc5a5">Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies, after reading edingerwedding's post about who to invite to a bridal shower when having a separate ceremony and reception I decided that I should probably get advice on how my wedding will play out and to make sure it follows proper etiquette. What I'm hoping to do is have a private ceremony inviting only our close family members (immediate family/step family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) so basically the family that we spend holidays with. About 60 people. Then we were planning on having a dinner/reception later in the evening where we invite the remaining family members (great aunts/uncles) and our friends, coworkers, etc.. About 160 people (including the ceremony list). The plan was to give an hour or so in between the ceremony and reception for people to go and check into their hotels and for the reception guests to show up. <strong>The reasoning for this is that my fiance is an extremely private person, and I mean EXTREMELY, so he does not want a bunch of people at our ceremony that he does not ever personally interact with.</strong> Is this improper? If so, how can I accomplish this without having tons of people at our ceremony? Also, who should be included in such things as the bridal shower if we did our wedding this way? (Edit: Removed a rude comment, my apologies.)
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]

60 people isn't private. People invited to the reception must be invited to the ceremony. If your FI is uncomfortable with having people he doesn't know well at the ceremony, I don't understand why he thinks having them at the reception would be OK. You should stick to the 60 for both events.

mkrupar

If your immediate family is truly 46 people, then I would just stick to 60 people for the whole thing, ceremony & reception.

I'm not goingto question your FIs want for a private ceremony, yet being ok with a larger reception. Saying your vows in front of a bunch of people can be unnerving to some people, and they feel more comfortable doing it in front of less people. Being in a crowd eating and drinking may be totally different for him.

I just don't think you can pull off what you're proposing with the numbers you have.

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5de8ccc5-f67b-4b36-83a9-24730a97958c">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists :<strong> Unfortunately, my fiance's "immediate" family includes 26 people</strong>. We're very close with all of our family (aunt/uncles/cousins included). So, with only immediate family/grandparents our guest list is 46 people. I feel it's rude to not include the extra 14 especially since my aunts are throwing my bridal shower. When I was announcing my engagement to our families we were originally planning on the immediate/grandparents thing, but my heart felt sad telling my fiance's aunts about our wedding and not inviting them to it. To the poster's how commented about being rude, you are correct, I have removed the comment and I truly apologize.
Posted by lcatterton[/QUOTE]
PPs have given great suggestions.  I just have to quibble with anyone's immediate family being 26 people.  I think people misunderstand what that word means - it's just your parents and siblings.  Possibly grandparents.  But it isn't 26 people.

DMoore421

Only you can really judge how intimate your ceremony will be... In my family aunts uncles cousins parents and grandparents are considered immediate family... And are the people we interact with on an almost daily basis... The extended family is just that. The extension of all those people that I know for me personally many of which I have not seen in 10 years. You really need to judge your group of people to know how this will be perceived... I have been to wedding where everyone was invited to both ceremony and reception and for one reason or another did not get there for ceremony just came for the reception ... And the other way around... If your families understand only the closest people will be at the ceremony I don't see it being a problem

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:7e209ebb-658d-40cc-9e88-dd4dca946643">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : PPs have given great suggestions.  I just have to quibble with anyone's immediate family being 26 people.  I think people misunderstand what that word means - it's just your parents and siblings.  Possibly grandparents.  <strong>But it isn't 26 people</strong>.
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

Not true.  He could have quite a few siblings that all have SO's that need to be invited.  And his parents could possibly be divorced and then re-married.  And then they may also be including his siblings kids into the mix as well.

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:7e209ebb-658d-40cc-9e88-dd4dca946643">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : PPs have given great suggestions.  I just have to quibble with anyone's immediate family being 26 people.  I think people misunderstand what that word means - it's just your parents and siblings.  Possibly grandparents.  But it isn't 26 people.
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

She originally said siblings & step siblings.  I would imagine that ettiquete would require that those siblings' spouses be invited too.  I have a very splintered family so if I were to do this, our immediate family by that standard is probably well over 26 people!

I agree that OP should either do the 60 person wedding or work with FI to be able to have everyone at the ceremony.  FWIW, I was at a wedding this weekend where both parties look terrified as they both walked down the aisle, but once the ceremony started, their nerves eased up.  I think if he is that nervous, even 60 ppl might cause anxiety.

Jlp818

Agree with PP.  You should try to either have all 160 people at both or just have a smaller wedding / reception with your 60.

amyb - Some people do have larger families, with my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews (with whom I am VERY close too) would equal 26!  It is possible! 

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:5b620f5f-f040-43d1-9bb5-bb968305282b">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : I agree with Avion--I would be really offended in that situation also.  I can't imagine it's a good feeling to think that you're good enough to bring a gift and have dinner, but not important enough to watch the couple exchange vows.
Posted by daubachsgirl23[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I didn't even make the cut for dinner!   I'm only invited to the "dance part" -- cocktails and possibly dessert, and dancing.   Apparently this is quite common in the UK (where I live, and where the couple and most of the guests are from), but I'm still pretty offended.  And?  There was a registry card with the invitation (and they got my husband's name wrong, and it's 3 weeks past the RSVP date).   So yeah, offended all around here.

</div>

daubachsgirl23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:3091ff4e-9cba-41cc-b2b2-cc1387a783e4">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists : I didn't even make the cut for dinner!   I'm only invited to the "dance part" -- cocktails and possibly dessert, and dancing.   Apparently this is quite common in the UK (where I live, and where the couple and most of the guests are from), but I'm still pretty offended.  And?  There was a registry card with the invitation (and they got my husband's name wrong, and it's 3 weeks past the RSVP date).   So yeah, offended all around here.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I hope you and your husband decline and do not send a gift.  I would be willing to accept (though probably not excuse) the tiered reception if that is a cultural norm, but to get B-listed to the tiered reception is all sorts of wrong.

Giamahogany

I like the way you are doing your ceremony. To me the ceremony is the most important part of your wedding, and should be shared with those that you know will def. bless your union.   I say it’s your day do as yo wish.  Most guest would rather go straight to the party anyway. Also, what you are doing is nothing new, people go to the JOP every day and then throw a reception later.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:da139854-9291-4860-af89-d888fe82e7fd">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the way you are doing your ceremony. To me the ceremony is the most important part of your wedding, and should be shared with those that you know will def. bless your union.   I say it’s your day do as yo wish.  Most guest would rather go straight to the party anyway. Also, what you are doing is nothing new, people go to the JOP every day and then throw a reception later.
Posted by Giamahogany[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just because "people do it" doesn't make it okay.  

</div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-and-reception-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e01d7af1-e598-4329-97f4-435c92ca3e04Post:da139854-9291-4860-af89-d888fe82e7fd">Re: Separate ceremony and reception guest lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the way you are doing your ceremony. To me the ceremony is the most important part of your wedding, and should be shared with those that you know will def. bless your union.   I say it’s your day do as yo wish.  <strong>Most guest would rather go straight to the party anyway.</strong> Also, what you are doing is nothing new, <strong>people go to the JOP every day and then throw a reception later</strong>.
Posted by Giamahogany[/QUOTE]

Um, no that is not even close to being true.

The whole point of the reception is to thank your guests for attending your ceremony.  As a guest I would be pissed if I knew that some of the other guests were able to witness the ceremony (which is the whole point of having the party) and I wasn't invited.  It would make me feel like I am not as important and that I was only invited to the reception because they wanted more gifts.

Going to the JOP with just you and your FI and maybe a witness or two is different then inviting a third of your guest list to the ceremony and not the rest just because you want to have a more initmate wedding ceremony but a larger reception.