Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?

AbbeyS2011

An interesting question was just posed to me at work, and I wanted to know what you all think of this. 

The RN I am working with today got a text from her hubby about his Mother's Day gift to his mother.  He suggested a mani/pedi/massage for his mother, price about $140.00  She is upset that he is willing to spend more money on his mother than he did on his wife for her birthday. 

So the question is this ladies - do you think your hubby/FH/BF should spend the same amount on his mother as you, or more, or less?  This does not have to only apply to Mother's Day - birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas can be included.

Discuss. 

pantherRN

I honestly don't think it really matters. It's not about money.

hlq2011

Ditto panther.  I think that's a shiitty thing to be complaining about.

NuggetBrain

Well my birthday is a month-long bonanza in our house, so I don't have to worry about that.

Bubbalub

Hmm. That is an interesting question. I know my H would do anything for his mom, they are very close. I also know that I am his wife and he would do the same for me. i've never paid attention to how much he spent on me vs how much he spent on her.

We make a lot of money, combined, compared to his mom. I know at one point her car was really unreliable and he was in a position to buy her a new one. I fully supported it. (She managed to get one on her own, though, which was awesome for her.) She spoils us both rotten for birthdays and Christmas. It doesn't bother me that he wants to reciprocate her generosity.

If there were a large, ongoing discrepancy between what he spent on her and what he spent on me I might feel differently. But there really isn't, so it's not an issue.

annakb8

Who cares? As long as he is getting both his wife and mother personal, well thought out gifts that they enjoy it shouldn't matter.

baystateapple

I wouldn't begrudge what Mr. Bay spends on his mother, even if he spent an arm and a leg on her for Mother's Day. 

Beachy730

I know the answer SHOULD be that money doesn't matter, but it would probably bother me.  Not if it was like a difference of $20 or something, but if he is spending $140 to send his mom to a spa, and only got me a cheap flower bouquet and a card, yeah I'd probably be pissed.   But if he got her a mani/pedi because that's what she likes and it came to $140, and I really like facials and that was only $100, then I wouldn't care.

Edited to make sense

midgetthemighty

I agree with PP. Gifts are not about how much they cost as long as they are well thought out and personal.

NuggetBrain

Although I will say that if Noodle consistently got me a card for my birthday, but consistently got his mom a $250 gift certificate to her favorite spa for her birthday, I'd probably be like "Dude.  WTF."

MattsPenguin

Perhaps it's because he doesn't know his mom as well and is giving a gift that he thinks that she wants.  It just happens to cost more.

It really shouldn't matter.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:1939f4ed-6cc5-4708-ae6d-379adca7c448">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the answer SHOULD be that money doesn't matter, but it would probably bother me.  Not if it was like a difference of $20 or something, but if he is spending $140 to send his mom to a spa, and only got me a cheap flower bouquet and a card, yeah I'd probably be pissed.   But if he got her a mani/pedi because that's what she likes and it came to $140, and I really like facials and that was only $100, then I wouldn't care. Edited to make sense
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. </div>

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:b5827be2-ea4d-4463-b9e9-d4a07a5eba30">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]If there were a large, ongoing discrepancy between what he spent on her and what he spent on me I might feel differently. But there really isn't, so it's not an issue.
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

I also don't think my mind would jump to money first - if H gets me a present that's cheap but is something I really want/need, then I'm happy. If it turns out that the perfect thing for someone else is more expensive, that doesn't take away from my happiness, and I wouldn't immediately think of the money unless it was way more than the amount we usually would spend on a family member's gift. Even then though, the issue would be the total amount we were spending, not how it compared to what I got.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:1939f4ed-6cc5-4708-ae6d-379adca7c448">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the answer SHOULD be that money doesn't matter, but it would probably bother me.  Not if it was like a difference of $20 or something, but if he is spending $140 to send his mom to a spa, and only got me a cheap flower bouquet and a card, yeah I'd probably be pissed.   But if he got her a mani/pedi because that's what she likes and it came to $140, and I really like facials and that was only $100, then I wouldn't care. Edited to make sense
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

This.

As long as he spent equal time/money/thought/whatever on both I wouldn't care. If she got a lot more time/money/thought/whatever...there would be a big fight.

lbow1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:e06714cf-0d60-428f-8edd-d47be83eb895">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On? : I agree with this. I also don't think my mind would jump to money first - if H gets me a present that's cheap but is something I really want/need, then I'm happy. If it turns out that the perfect thing for someone else is more expensive, that doesn't take away from my happiness, and I wouldn't immediately think of the money unless it was way more than the amount we usually would spend on a family member's gift. Even then though, the issue would be the total amount we were spending, not how it compared to what I got.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

This

We're trying to save up for our wedding right now so if he spent a huge amount of money on a gift then I'd be less than pleased, but it wouldn't be about who the gift was for, it would be about spending so much when we're trying so hard to save.

missy68

Not an issue. His mother is deceased, father is estranged. I think he contributes $25-$50 to a Christmas gift card every year.

They set spending limits in their family, so I doubt that would be an issue, but I have no way to judge it.

waitingformay

I would just be happy that he thought of something to get her for Mother's Day. Usually, I am the one on top of all the holidays.

jmorford

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:1939f4ed-6cc5-4708-ae6d-379adca7c448">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know the answer SHOULD be that money doesn't matter, but it would probably bother me.  Not if it was like a difference of $20 or something, but if he is spending $140 to send his mom to a spa, and only got me a cheap flower bouquet and a card, yeah I'd probably be pissed.   But if he got her a mani/pedi because that's what she likes and it came to $140, and I really like facials and that was only $100, then I wouldn't care. Edited to make sense
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

this

MRads

I'll ditto most PP.  I'm pretty sure FI spent more on his parents at Christmas than he did on me, and next year we're hoping that we can give both sets of parents very generous presents because of the wedding.

I will say though, that for Valentine's Day this year, we agreed to not exchange presents.  Then the day before he was saying that he felt like he should buy his mom flowers, because he has every year and then he was saying he felt like he should get his admin at work something, because she doesn't have anybody to get her anything on Valentine's Day.  I was pretty annoyed with him for that.  I think he still got his Mom flowers, because he always has, but not his admin.  It wasn't an issue of money, just an issue of WTF?

sarabellam

Huh. By mutual agreement, my husband and I didn't exchange birthday presents last year, only gave each other token Christmas gifts, and didn't exchange Valentine's presents. He got his mom something decent for both her birthday and Christmas, though I'm not sure what he's got planned for Mother's Day (his all-time LEAST favorite day of the year because it's so busy for him). I would EXPECT him to get his mother something nice. The money aspect doesn't both me.

bczican77

The only thing I have EVER wanted on Mothers Day is to spend it with my children. That is the BEST gift I could ever ask for.  This year, my 8 year old son is cooking (with the help of my dad) for me and my mom, and then we're gonna go up to the mountains to hike.

If FI wants to spend money on his mom, that is his business.  I'm not his mother and therefore, I don't expect gifts from him.

bczican77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mothers-day-question-should-spend-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0932c5e-3231-4179-9cc8-a402c8600b96Post:e6ea0477-7d89-47f8-a0cc-7330b9626708">Re: Mother's Day Question - Who Should They Spend More Money On?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the way I see it. FI spends much more money on me on a day to day basis than on his mother.  If he wanted to get her a gift she'd really love for Mother's Day then that'd be fine with me.
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]


THIS!