Wedding Etiquette Forum

FI mom hates EVERYTHING

My fiance and are have been together for almost five years, we're getting married this september and from the moment we told his mother the colors and still of what we're doing she has been trying to change everything. she hates red, so that can't be one of our colors. roses are over rated so she hasn't stopped ranting about the choice of my bouquet. despite the fact that our style is very classical romance (rose red, black, white and purple for accents in flowers and ribbons) she is sending me pictures of mardigras masks as "wedding Decor." she even said my dress was "uh lovely?" and refuses to keep her very negative opinion out of anything we try to include her in.  how do we keep our wedding our way, without messing up an already sensitive relationship because "i'm taking her boy away"?
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Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING

  • Your wedding sounds like it will be beautiful. I don't really have any advice for you, but I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm kind of dealing with the same thing with my mom, to a lesser extreme. It sucks, I'm sorry. I would just keep trying to explain to your FMIL that you and your FI want X, and it is really important to you. I hope she will come to her senses. Who is paying for the wedding? My mom is paying for mine, and sometimes I think that might have caused more problems than it was worth....
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  • 1. Stop telling her about the wedding plans.
    2. Let your FI be more of a buffer between you and her. He should field most of the wedding-related questions, and if she tells him an idea that doesn't match what you guys are doing, he should gently but firmly let her know that HE wants something different for HIS wedding. Much better if you only give her good news, and all bad news comes from her baby.
    3. If there's some aspect of the wedding that she knows a lot about but you couldn't care less about, let her handle it, and don't worry about the outcome. FMIL has this crazy elaborate scheme for a candy table that I am pretty much staying out of, and also she's doing the flowers for us - I'm so grateful that all I had to do for flowers was tell her "red and yellow please, and no hydrangeas."
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  • Is she paying?

    If not, stop talking wedding with her. And if she brings it, "Thank you for the suggestion, we'll take that into consideration." And then change the subject.
  • I'd stop telling her anything about your wedding. If she's not paying for anything, she doesn't get a say. If she does, then you're going to have to figure out how to compromise.
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  • Yep, unless she's paying, stop talking wedding with her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-mom-hates-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0cf4f1d-788c-486d-b7d6-0de4750618f9Post:eb887e5b-2f59-41de-a97a-2d89a7e40eb5">Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is she paying? If not, stop talking wedding with her. And if she brings it, "Thank you for the suggestion, we'll take that into consideration." And then change the subject.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]


    THIS!
  • theluckiest555 - omfg with the sig
  • Just don't talk wedding with her...if she brings it up...change the subject!
    Sorry you are going through this...I know it seriously sucks.


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  • I've been going through the same thing with my FMIL. She had the same reaction to my colors and dress. It's disappointing, but like others suggested- don't talk to her about wedding. Is she paying for anything? Luckily, my FMIL lives in the Philippines and she and my FI don't really talk on the phone that often so I it's pretty easy to avoid wedding talk with her. Good luck to you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-mom-hates-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0cf4f1d-788c-486d-b7d6-0de4750618f9Post:18a27bce-3197-4971-8f1b-f952758feacf">Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]theluckiest555 - omfg with the sig
    Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]


    huh?
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-mom-hates-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0cf4f1d-788c-486d-b7d6-0de4750618f9Post:de565b40-8ec2-4ef5-905e-f2f7cdd3625a">Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING : huh?
    Posted by theluckiest555[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm pretty sure she is referring to the monstrosity that is your sig.  There's a whole lot going on there, and it takes up half the screen.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA:  And OP, just stop talking about the wedding with her.  </div>
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  • emmybbemmybb member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    Britt-  I am a mom of a daughter getting married....don't get on the ride....You don't have to participate in any of this tension or let it tarnish memories of your wedding in the future.  It is overdue, after five years of being together, that your fiancee take some headship and stand up to his mother.  You are the bride & it is YOUR party.  (Unless she is paying).  Why even include her in these details? Don't get on the ride...don't set yourself up for disappointment.  Simply tell her the colors so she can pick out her dress and let the rest be a surprise.  If she has a problem with lack of details, your groom should kindly inform his mom that, while her ideas are lovely, that this is his and his bride to be's wedding.  It will be a long and frustrating struggle if you don't set some boundaries now.  A good comeback for unwanted suggestions is...."Now there's a thought"....or "That's an interesting idea, I'll give that some thought".  Good luck!
  • thanks for all the advice ladies!
    we are paying for the wedding ourselves in entirety. his mom lives a couple hours away and they are super close (like talk everyday) so avoiding wedding will be hard, but we're trying. the latest thing is she's decided she's wearing an ivory dress to our wedding, her divorce was finalized last week and she's talking about getting married in the "next few months"...our wedding is in less than four! someone please just shoot me and get it over with.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-mom-hates-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0cf4f1d-788c-486d-b7d6-0de4750618f9Post:c2fe9f32-7c6b-4284-9cc8-eea811878dcb">Re: FI mom hates EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]thanks for all the advice ladies! we are paying for the wedding ourselves in entirety. his mom lives a couple hours away and they are super close (like talk everyday) so avoiding wedding will be hard, but we're trying. the latest thing is she's decided she's wearing an ivory dress to our wedding, her divorce was finalized last week and she's talking about getting married in the "next few months"...our wedding is in less than four! someone please just shoot me and get it over with.
    Posted by bubblybritt0513[/QUOTE]

    If she wears an ivory dress she'll look like the idiot, not you. People do still hold the belief that no one should be in white besides the bride. I personally wouldn't care, but if she shows up in ivory your guests will side eye her and not you. Do NOT even engage her in that conversation. I would imagine she's doing it to get some sort of reaction out of you.

    Bean Dip her, "mmmhmmm that's nice FMIL, have you tried the bean dip, isn't the weather beautiful, have any weekend plans, etc." Just don't let her engage you in those conversations.
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