Wedding Etiquette Forum

Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)

I don't feel comfortable posting this under my real name since its about work. I'll try to keep it short.

Last year I loved my job. I was constantly told I was a great employee, a valuable asset and they wanted to have me help the company grow. Now the company is completely different. We're very short staffed and they decided to just dump everything on me. If I'm not being ignored via email I'm being berated or yelled at for not doing something I knew nothing about. I've requested face to face meetings and I'm ignored there too. I've accepted that they lied to me and they don't care about anything they did a year ago. All of my coworkers feel the same way. Everyone wants out.

I've started looking for another job, but I'm kind of stuck. I'm overqualified for most of what is out there in my field or I'm one year short of meeting the experience vs. education qualification. I'd be okay with being overqualified but everything comes with a 50% pay cut. That's just not possible.

I've met with a counselor for a while now about other things and she mentioned the other day that anti-depressants may be a good idea because of my work situation. I don't know how I feel about that. I didn't realize I could be depressed.

The more I think about it, the more I keep having mixed emotions. Angry that this stupid company could cause it, angry with myself that people out there have it worse with me so I should just shut up and be thankful and then kinda scared because if I am depressed how long has it been, why didn't I notice it, and how much could/would anti-depressants change me.

So if anyone feels comfortable commenting or if you could PM and tell me if there was a a-ha moment to start taking them or how you're different, I'd really appreciate it. Or just anything you can share about them. Also, how did you bring it up to your doctor? "I need a migraine pill refill and oh, btw, how about some anti-depressants" just seems incredibly awkward.

Eh, I guess I failed at keeping it short, huh?
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Re: Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)

  • I'm really sorry that you are going through this and I think that talking to a counseler is an excellent first step.  I would suggest that you request a referral from your counseler.  Your GP might be able to write you prescriptions but has much less knowledge on the proper dosage/drug selection than a psychiatrist.

    I hope that you start feeling better soon. 
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  • Is it just the job causing stress, or do you have other signs of depression as well?

    Honestly, I'd be cautious about starting on the medication if it's only a change of job that's needed.

    Have you tried talking to HR?

    I'm sorry you're going through this.
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  • Froggie - I just feel blah and less interested in most things overall. I feel like it takes all of my energy to deal with the issues and stress at work that when I get home, I don't have the same interest I used to in things. I know the fact that its winter is probably not helping either. I've always felt blah in the winter. Unfortunately, the company is so small that I'm also HR.
  • Honestly - I wouldn't start anti-depressants.  It sounds like your job sucks and you're down on your luck.  That is very different than depression. 

    I have a job I hate that I'm practically miserable over every day.  I've gone home crying.  I don't need anti-depressants, I need a new job.

    Obviously I'm not you and don't know your situation, but I always choose no medication over medication that I'm not really sure I need.  If you feel you need it, however, that is a different ballgame.

    Good luck to you!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_workanti-depressants-this-ae?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e16f5497-144b-498c-9f75-952b12e88277Post:f9b4fd6f-515b-4497-aa31-65371d49a12e">Re: Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Froggie - I just feel blah and less interested in most things overall. I feel like it takes all of my energy to deal with the issues and stress at work that when I get home, I don't have the same interest I used to in things. I know the fact that its winter is probably not helping either.<strong> I've always felt blah in the winter.</strong> Unfortunately, the company is so small that I'm also HR.
    Posted by AE2468[/QUOTE]

    <div>Have you tried getting one of those sun lamps?  If it's something that frequently happens in the winter, it may just be SAD.  Those lamps have been shown to help.</div><div>
    </div><div>Besides that, I would probably get a referral from the counselor you spoke to for a trained psychiatrist before starting any medication.</div>
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  • Ditto Dumdum and Joy.  I might be biased because I see over medicated kids at school (he has trouble focusing so he MUST be ADHD so let's give him some pills) but if there's not a chemical imbalance, then I would be very cautious. A situational change should make things better, even if it does take time.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Are you having any anxiety problems? I've had some situations, work related and other, that really trigger my anxiety and make my life a living hell. I was not on ADs at the time (I am now) but I really think they might have helped me deal a little bit. Maybe I wouldn't have burst into tears at the drop of a hat or felt completely paralyzed by small problems. I don't really know though. I've never really had issues specifically with depression, so I can't comment on that, I just know that anti-depressants are often prescribed for anxiety as well as depression.

    I agree with PPs though, a new job will help you more than any medication. 
  • Joy - I think thats part of the problem is I have no idea if I actually need them or not. Would a new job make me feel better? Definitely. But is that the only issue? I have no idea. I overanalyze things too much that I could be talking myself out it just because while I have nothing against medications, I'd prefer not to take anything.

    Froggie - I did just start looking into a sun lamp this morning actually. :)

  • I can't PM you for some reason...if you can, send me one and I'll reply to it.

    Good luck - it can and will get better!
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_workanti-depressants-this-ae?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e16f5497-144b-498c-9f75-952b12e88277Post:5cc03d91-5183-4b01-8041-0b5f3486b56f">Re: Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Joy - I think thats part of the problem is I have no idea if I actually need them or not. Would a new job make me feel better? Definitely. But is that the only issue? I have no idea. I overanalyze things too much that I could be talking myself out it just because while I have nothing against medications, I'd prefer not to take anything.
    Posted by AE2468[/QUOTE]

    I can only tell you things from my point of view so take my words with a grain of salt.  I hate my job - like full on wish I never had to come here again.  I found my feelings leeching into the rest of my life.  Couple this with the end of graduate school and all my friends moving away from this city has made me a homebody with my husband.  I'm not exactly sad, but I'm not exactly into doing much right now.

    My husband and I both want to move.  I can't tell you how exciting moving and thinking about rebuilding in a new city with a new job makes me.  I know I'm not depressed, I know I'm in a situational disaster.  I know that there is something out there that I'm looking forward to and it gives me a great deal of hope that the madness of now will end.  Do you have anything like that?
  • No real anxiety. I'm still sleeping and eating the same as usual. I'm not to the point of dreading coming into work or anything. I've always been slightly anxious but it doesn't feel any more than usual.

    When the counselor brought it up she said "If you constantly feel like you're stuck and your eating/sleeping habits change, you may want to talk to your GP about anti-depressants because you may get so far into the slump of work that even after finding a new job it may take time to get out".

    So I know I'm jumping the gun on it, it just got me thinking that it could be more than situational. I do believe I can find a new job, I'll eventually be happier and that it is possible. So now typing that out, it doesn't really sound like I'm all that depressed, maybe  just frustrated with work and impatient for change.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_workanti-depressants-this-ae?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e16f5497-144b-498c-9f75-952b12e88277Post:95b75bd1-ebaf-4f54-a427-8ae428c004e2">Re: Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)</a>:
    [QUOTE]No real anxiety. I'm still sleeping and eating the same as usual. I'm not to the point of dreading coming into work or anything. I've always been slightly anxious but it doesn't feel any more than usual. When the counselor brought it up she said "<strong>If you constantly feel like you're stuck and your eating/sleeping habits change, you may want to talk to your GP about anti-depressants because you may get so far into the slump of work that even after finding a new job it may take time to get out".</strong> So I know I'm jumping the gun on it, it just got me thinking that it could be more than situational. I do believe I can find a new job, I'll eventually be happier and that it is possible. So now typing that out, it doesn't really sound like I'm all that depressed, maybe  just frustrated with work and impatient for change.
    Posted by AE2468[/QUOTE]

    I don't like this statement at all.  I think this is a situational problem that can be addressed by lifestyle choices. 
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  • From someone on them incredibly miserable at work to the point where even my parents are encouraging me to leave, I'm not sure antidepressants are the answer here. Sure, they'll mask the misery to an extent, but only to an extent.
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  • OP - When I got divorced 12+ years ago, I was at my worst low ever.  Like curled up in the fetal position on the floor and sobbing. It didn't go on forever and I never got to the point where I couldn't function daily or couldn't go to work.  I was (simply, though that sounds like it's making less of it) hurt, lonely, sad, etc but not chemically depressed.  I did talk to my Dr and he diagnosed me with situational depression and said that time would be the best healer.  He did give me something for 6 months to "help me feel better in the meantime".  I don't know if it really helped or not because it was such a minimal dosage for a short period of time.  I wish I hadn't just accepted the Rx blindly and given myself more time to recover.

    As far as the "is it situational or something chemical/deeper" question, my experience is that  only time will tell.  When I got pregnant, I was terrified that maybe I did really have a chemical imbalance and that the hormonal shift would bring it out.  I was terrified that I would have post partum depression since I had already been diagnosed with depression once.   I had an agreeement with my mom and my H that if they saw ANYTHING that was off, to intervene and get me some help since I was worried that I wouldn't recognize that I was having trouble.  I never did have any problems but I felt SO much better having a plan in place and knowing that people were looking out for me.  

     I'm very sorry you're in this situation. It sucks.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • BJS - I can't send PMs either. I don't know if its a TK glitch or I messed up something creating this AE. It just sends me to my profile page when I try to send you one. :(

    Joy - I think you explained pretty much how I'm feeling better than I could. Just talking it out with everyone here makes me think it is more situational than anything else. There isn't something specific I'm looking forward to, but I do believe that it will get better and H and I just stuck in an evil circle of annoying roadblocks at the moment.

    Andy - I paraphrased but I see your point. I didn't take it as a 'start drugs NOW' type thing, but kind of a reminder that the option to talk to my doctor is out there if this turns out to be not just situational.
  • Thanks everyone for letting me talk this out and everything that anyone shared. I really appreciate it. I feel a lot better. I knew I hung aorund here for a reason. :)

     I'm going to just keep looking for new jobs (and applying for ones I don't quite qualify for) and let H know to let me know if I seem any more depressed than usual or if anything else changes. Then I'll bring it up to the counselor and talk to my GP.

    Thanks again.
  • 1. A sun lamp isn't a bad idea.

    2. Counseling is always a good idea.

    3. Jobs can cause stress to the point where medications are required.  My last job gave me severe heartburn (no, I'm not equating my heartburn with your possible depression).  I ended up having to take medicaiton temporarily for the symptoms while looking for a new job.  Once I quit my old job, I was able to quit the medication too.  :)  You might be able to fix your mood with lifestyle changes and counseling.  Or you might have a biochemical predisposition for depression that is coming out now with the stressors in your life, in which case an antidepressant might help.
  • edited December 2011
    You got a PM :)

    ETA: Just kidding about that whole PM thing. I don't know why I read that everyone was having trouble sending them and thought, not me! No reason not to just post; I feel a little funny because I post so seldomly I thought people would be like, who are you?

    Anyway that is all besides the point. I take anti depressants and started when my work situation was God awful and my life felt like it was imploding. I felt very hesitant about starting them so I totally understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you're self-aware enough to know what's going on and I'd imagine you would know if you were clinically depressed. For me, when I started taking them and they kicked in, it was like, oh my God, is this how other people feel all the time? It may be totally different for you.

    Not sure if this helps, just wanted to let you know you are certainly not alone! And I wish you lots of luck. It's bound to change, hopefully soon.

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  • *hugs* I have no experience with anti-depressants, but a few of my friends have always felt "blah in the winter" as well and it turns out they had a vitamin D deficiency. You may want to look into that as well. Sorry if someone else already suggested that, I skimmed the other posts.
  • BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was going to PM you this, as I wasn't going to put it all out there, but apparently PMs aren't working on here right now....

    So I'll just give limited info. After some health troubles I found myself in a low... I was upset, wanted to just stay in bed, no energy or motivation to do anything... and ended up going on anti-depressants. My Dr acknowledged that it wouldn't be a long term thing, that I needed councelling and to see what I can do about the situation, that it would help for the time being. It took me 3 anti-depressants (the first 2 made me REALLY sick) to find one that worked. Now I will say, when I found it, the third one really did work and did help. I am still taking it and things are going much better.

    If you do find that you are in a position that you feel it is a good move, just make sure that you are working with a doctor that will listen to you. The first dr that gave me the first prescription, when I went back complaining about it making me sick told me to just 'wait it out'. I went to FI's family Dr, who immediately adjusted dosages and then changed medications for me. I have since switched family Drs because it is important to have one that will listen to you when you have a concern.

    If PMs ever start working... you're welcome to PM me if you have any questions :)
  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just want to say that depression can absolutely be situational, and situational depression is very real.  Saying "it doesn't need medication, you just need a new job" is invalidating what could be a very real problem that absolutely could benefit from medication.  That's not to say it's 100% necessary (only OP can know if it is or isn't), but it certainly isn't a crazy idea.

    OP, if you don't feel you need medication, that's one thing.  But if you think it's something you might like to try, I don't see anything wrong with it.  Only you can make that decision.  If it is something you'd like to bring up with your doctor, I would just say "I've been seeing a counselor for some job related issues and she's diagnosed me with depression (provided she HAS diagnosed you) and suggested I speak to a medical doctor about trying an anti-depressant."

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  • I think #1 you need to find a new job. Top priority.

    Second, if you do find yourself needing medication, please don't be ashamed by it. Since I've started taking medication, I've found a lot more people have taken it than I realized. Depression and anxiety aren't something to be ashamed of and they're not a weakness. Also, don't focus on the past and worry about why you waited so long. Just focus on the here and now and how they're going to help you in the future. I know when I first started taking AD's, I finally had a clear head and thought "wow, this is what normal people feel like" Yeah, it would have been nice to have the help in my previous years, but the main point was that I wasn't continuing down that cycle.
  • Thank you all again for commenting. Really. I know I keep saying that but the more I read the more I feel like it makes sense/I'm not alone.

    I do think there is a good possibility that if I were to start taking some type of medication I'd have a "oh thats how people feel" type moment. Or at least less of a blah/glum feeling. Which is probably saying something.

    Saying "it doesn't need medication, you just need a new job" is invalidating what could be a very real problem that absolutely could benefit from medication.
    J - I really think I needed to read that. I know I'm being wishy-washy on each post, but I keep wondering if it is just situational because I can relate to others who are experiencing the same thing or if it really is more. I started reading more on situational depression and I do have most of the symptoms. I think I'm just good at hiding it. I come from a "shup and  deal with it" family.  So even to try to explain how I feel is difficult. I don't really know. I know I have been happier than I am now, but looking back on it, I'm not sure that was even happy enough. If that makes any sense.

    I guess what it really comes down to is I recognize it's not healthy to feel so blah/uninterested/whatever and I don't want to feel this way anymore. So whether its with medication or not, I want it to go away and I'm hoping it will.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_workanti-depressants-this-ae?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e16f5497-144b-498c-9f75-952b12e88277Post:d37e144c-4bb3-47a4-8d6b-a2df48094c28">Work/anti-depressants (this is an AE)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't feel comfortable posting this under my real name since its about work. I'll try to keep it short. Last year I loved my job. I was constantly told I was a great employee, a valuable asset and they wanted to have me help the company grow. Now the company is completely different. We're very short staffed and they decided to just dump everything on me. If I'm not being ignored via email I'm being berated or yelled at for not doing something I knew nothing about. I've requested face to face meetings and I'm ignored there too. I've accepted that they lied to me and they don't care about anything they did a year ago. All of my coworkers feel the same way. Everyone wants out. I've started looking for another job, but I'm kind of stuck. I'm overqualified for most of what is out there in my field or I'm one year short of meeting the experience vs. education qualification. I'd be okay with being overqualified but everything comes with a 50% pay cut. That's just not possible. I've met with a counselor for a while now about other things and she mentioned the other day that anti-depressants may be a good idea because of my work situation. I don't know how I feel about that. I didn't realize I could be depressed. The more I think about it, the more I keep having mixed emotions. Angry that this stupid company could cause it, angry with myself that people out there have it worse with me so I should just shut up and be thankful and then kinda scared because if I am depressed how long has it been, why didn't I notice it, and <strong>how much could/would anti-depressants change me</strong>. So if anyone feels comfortable commenting or if you could PM and tell me if there was a a-ha moment to start taking them or how you're different, I'd really appreciate it. Or just anything you can share about them. Also, how did you bring it up to your doctor? "I need a migraine pill refill and oh, btw, how about some anti-depressants" just seems incredibly awkward. Eh, I guess I failed at keeping it short, huh?
    Posted by AE2468[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>They could change your life for the better.</div><div>
    </div><div>I was diagnosed with dysthymia a long time ago (longterm to lifelong depression). It was bad. BAD bad. Sleep for days bad. I got on anti-depressants and started a workout routine (it REALLY helps depression), and I turned it around. I haven't had symptoms in years, and that basically means it's gone.</div><div>
    </div><div>I stopped taking the anti-depressant a while ago, and was fine--except I started to ache everywhere. It turns out that the anti-depressant was masking fibromyalgia, so I'm back on the anti-depressants for THAT, but not so much for being depressed.</div><div>
    </div><div>You've already made the steps. I know working at a job you hate is hard. I did it. MY "ah-ha" moment was when I was laid off, then hired at a company to do something COMPLETELY different (I was a graphic designer--a good one--and I got laid off. Now, I'm a legal proofreader. Again--I'm a good one. I thought I would hate it...but...life happened, and I like it.). So, that was MY ah-ha moment, and it'll be different for everyone.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you want to talk, feel free to PM me. It gets better, and you took the first steps. Best of luck.

    </div>
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  • BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I came from a 'shup and deal with it' family as well. The kind where its all about putting on fronts and making it look like everything is always ok... that, btw, is super unhealthy! It took me a long time to realize that!

    Its never easy deciding to take the step to start medication, I had a HARD time with it and fought the idea for quite awhile.... but at the end of the day, when I did decide it was worth taking that step, I felt A LOT better. I went through feelings of being ashamed about it for quite awhile until close friends and family started opening up and admitting they had been on it at times too!

    Whether its councelling, or medication, I hope that you're able to decide on something that is going to help make you feel better... you deserve more than just sitting back and continuing to feel that way :)

    ETA My a-ha moment came when I opted to stay in bed, in tears, one day rather than going to see my nieces.. who live a good distance from us and I only get the opportunity to see 3 times a year.... I know how much they mean to me, and if them being around wasn't even reason enough to get me out of bed, I knew something was wrong!
  • Just wanted to say good luck and I know how you feel. I was exactly where you are before we moved. Now, I still hate my job, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a plan to look for something new after the holidays and I know we're in a town where we want to stay so we can talk about buying a house and starting a family and those are things I can look forward to and be hopeful about. Which makes a world of difference. Hang in there and keep being proactive about changing your situation. It really helps in the day to day, knowing you're taking control And if you need medication in the short term to keep your energy and hopefulness up, I don't think you should feel badly about that.
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  • I come from a "shut up and deal with it" family too. My brother and I had a really hard time convincing my mom that my aunt was severely depressed, and even then I don't know how much she believed it. I guess people just didn't talk about depression and ADs back in the day.

    If you'd like to PM me, feel free to do so!
  • I don't post much at all, but have gone through a similiar situation and am hoping my experience can at least make you feel a little less alone. I was in grad school and while I loved a lot about it, it became like your job where things changed and I was miserable and stressed all the time.

    The problem was that my depression started out as situational, like yours may be now, but I put up with it too long and stayed in the situation so long that the depression became a more permanent part of my life that was not situational at all any longer. I did get on antidepressants and it honestly gave me enough energy to be able to leave the situation that was so unhealthy for me. All the studies and professionals say that if you truly are depressed, the combination of medication and therapy is the best route to take. Maybe you need that medication to be able to initially make changes in your life, like I did, but therapy is pretty much always a great thing to do whether or not you choose to try antidepressants.
  • I am very late to this but i thought i'd add my 2 cents. For a long time, and from what seemed like out of nowhere, i started feeling a little run-down, no energy, lack of interest, etc. I thought i was sick with something serious. Appetite and sleep did not change but everything else did. I told my dr everything because i was giving myself anxiety because i didnt know what was wrong, i had a very low stress life (at the time), no "issues" that were bringing me unhappiness, nothing. She suggested i try Lexapro. I freaked! "i dont want to be medicated! I'm not depressed! I dont want to be doped up my entire life!" Ugh. How little i knew. I started taking it and O.M.G.!! Within a week i was back to my old self. Zero other changes except i was happy again, i had energy and looked forward to things again and when an obstacle was in my way i actually looked at it as a positive. I finally told my parents (who noticed the change) and my father admitted that he had been dealing with depression on and off for over 20 years. I was mad he didnt tell me (it can be genetic) but sad he felt he couldnt, like there was a stigma.  Anyway, my dr had said "one day, you'll just know when you dont need them anymore." and he was right. After about 8 months, i woke up feeling pretty good and thought "im going to start scaling down" after a full 2 weeks i was off them. Now that was years ago and i've never needed them again but everyone is different. I'm forever grateful to my doc and my dad for sharing that info with me.
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  • Way late to the party here, but I seeing someone say its "just situational" really rubbed me the wrong way.  Situational depression can have very real physical effects on a person and can lead to chemical imbalances.  And there is nothing wrong with testing out a medication to see if it helps.  If it helps, no one says you have to use it forever.  But it might be the kickstart that you need to fix your situation.  Its easy to say that someone is depressed because of their situation and that they should just get out of it.  But the getting out is the hard part.  If you feel like you have no prospects (or you legitimately have no way to fix it), sitting there waiting it out until something better comes along isn't going to make your depression go away- that would sink me even deeper.  And if you really are depressed, you might not have the motivation to get out of the situation (not to mention you might not bring your a-game to the interview.)

    A couple years ago my job had me so anxious that I was a mess.  I have taken antidepressants before but this was different.  My doctor gave me a rx for anxiety meds and checked back in with me after a month.  I took them often in the beginning, and then found that I needed them less frequently.  I now have a standing rx that I use once a month (instead of 3x a day).  Most of the time, just knowing I have the option is all it takes to calm me down.  I guess what I'm getting at is that meds are a personal decision and you shouldn't be afraid to use them because of what other people think.  If you are honest with yourself and your doctor, I think you'll figure out what you need. 
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