FMIL Problems - Rehearsal Dinner

jinky04605

My FI and I are trying to plan our rehearsal dinner and my FMIL is having a hard time accepting what we want to do.  She is fine with us doing a pizza and wings RD as long as there is alcohol provided.  However, the location that we really like is in a park and has a "no alcohol" rule.   My FI and I are the hosts of the RD not my FILs.

My FMIL is adamant about having alcohol provided, but I do not think it is necessary since we are providing an open bar the next night.  We also want to curb any members of the WP becoming too drunk since we will have any early morning the next day and an outside wedding ceremony (we don't want anyone to pass out).

Is it really that bad to not provide alcohol at a RD?  Isn't the point for everyone to mingle and have a good time getting to know eachother?

Any advice would be appreciated!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-problems-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1ff4f7a-f113-49a7-9d95-6a1131bef82bPost:7a987f44-9126-4b84-ae20-a6e240a824b4">FMIL Problems - Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it really that bad to not provide alcohol at a RD?  Isn't the point for everyone to mingle and have a good time getting to know eachother?
Posted by jinky04605[/QUOTE]
not really *the* point, but a perk that's more easily accomplished with alcohol.

it's not required to serve alcohol, but if that's your stated intent, you may want to reconsider.

kkchisholm

I think it is totally fine not to have alcohol.

jinky04605

Well I guess not the only point, but one of the reasons for having a RD. 

She basically made us feel that we can't adequately thank our wedding party and family members without providing alcohol, even though we have every intention of giving gifts and making the appropriate thank yous to everyone who helped with our wedding.

squirrly

Eh, personally I'd be irritated that I couldn't have a glass of wine.  Knowing that I'd have to get up early the next morning, and being a responsible adult and all, I'd only have one or two anyway. 

If you don't provide alcohol and they're determined to drink they'll just go out after, stay out later, and drink more. 

Are your wedding party members completely incapable of managing their alcohol intake on their own? 

Night_Sprite

If the park you're having it at has a no alcohol rule then blame the park and tell her to shut her mouth.  

MOBinFLA

Pizza and wings with no beer?  Nope, that doesn't work.

Scroll up and reread the response from Squirrly.  She doesn't even know me but she was kind enough to write my response for me and she read my mind perfectly!

banana468

I'd seriously wonder who my adult friends are if they weren't hosting some wine and beer.

I get that you like having your RD in a park, but I think if the RD didn't have booze, if the wedding party was from OOT and wanted to get together, they'd say, "Hey, let's get together for a drink later."

However, if you have drinks hosted, they'll most likely stay a bit later and they may not want to go out.

BTW, if you're having it in a park, what's your rain plan? 

tenofcups4me

It's hard to imagine pizza and wings without beer and wine. Personally I agree with your FMIL and I'd change the site to one that can accommodate that.

mocha beans

I can't have wings without some kind of alcohol, usually Capt Coke.  Not that I need to have booze, but it does make the mingling easier.

I would look for a different place, but if you're absolutely adamant on the park, then people will manage, and organize a bar trip soon afterwards.  At least that's how it works in my groups.

EDIT:  Don't think that you not providing alcohol will keep your WP from staying out late.  Last wedding we went to, the groom and my FI stayed up till 5 am playing wii and drinking, and made it through the whole day.  Adults are very capable of sucking up their bad decisions if they make them, or avoiding making them altogether.

ExpatPumpkin

I'd much rather go to a pizzeria where I can have a beer with my food than be in a park where I can't.

Also, have you really thought about the logistics?  What if it rains?  What's the bathroom situation?  Do you have enough seating?  Who's watching the food?  Who's cleaning up?  What are you serving to guests with delicate stomachs?  

Do you really want to deal with all that the evening before your wedding?  Save your sanity, be a good hostess, and find a restaurant

shelliemarie

It astounds me all the people who can not seem to have a good time in a social situation without alcohol.  Alcohol is not required to have a good time nor is it a required accessory to certain kinds of food.

I will agree with previous posters to a point - if your guests are incapable of having a good time without alcohol, then rethink your location.

Side note - my circle of friends range in ages from 24 to 38 and all of us can have an excellent and rocking good time without alcohol.  We have all drank, some of us to excess at points in our lives and do not feel the lack of alcohol in any way inhibits our abilities to have fun or mingle.

banana468

Shellie, I think the larger issue here is knowing the crowd.

Never in my life at any point would adults in my family or social circle even consider hosting even an afternoon lunch without the option of alcohol.  It's just part of being a good host.

It isn't that guests "can't have" a good time without it.  However if you're going against what's appropriate for your social circle because you want to send a message about how you expect people to behave the following day, it can come across as rather condescending and as if you're trying to parent the BP because you don't expect them to act like adults.

jinky04605

It's in a lodge in a park so it would be completely covered.

I'm fine with people going out afterwords and having a beer at the hotel bar if they want, it's just that this is the nicest/cheapest place that we could find.  Unfortuntately it just has the rule where no alcohol is allowed.  Most other places that are similar are more expensive, pretty dumpy and have a no glass rule, which means there could be alcohol as long as it wasn't in glass.

We even suggested that people go out after and have a beer but my FMIL doesn't think that is appropriate. 

jinky04605

I should also add that 90% of the wedding party doesn't drink and my family doesn't drink, it is just the FILs side of the family that does which is why they are having a problem with it.

My FI, however, is fine with it since he knows that the majority of the people going to the RD wouldn't drink alcohol if it was provided or not.

We aren't even sure if the lodge is availabe, therefore, if it isn't we will have to go with another place that is similar but that would allow alcohol within reason. 

banana468

If you know that the WP aren't big drinkers, I'm not sure why it's even a big deal.

If you're getting pizza from somewhere, why not have the RD at the place where you're getting the pizza?

sarah0725

My brother had a barbecue for his RD in a park where alcohol was not allowed, and nobody died.

I also have eaten pizza from many restaurants that do not serve alcohol. In fact, by far the best pizza I have had has come from non-alcohol establishments. It's not really pizza unless the only things on the menu are pizza, sodas, and maybe a calzone.

Honestly, I really don't think this is going to be a problem. Make some nice non-alcoholic punch with sherbet floating in it or something.

banana468

Sarah, you've clearly never been to New Haven pizza places.  :-)

jinky04605

My FI talked to his mom today and she first said that she hoped the place was booked so we would have to go with somewhere else, but that if it is what we want to do then we can. 

We are planning non-alcoholic alternatives, a sparkling cider toast instead of champagne and probably some type of punch.

Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that the place isn't booked!!

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-problems-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1ff4f7a-f113-49a7-9d95-6a1131bef82bPost:4cf82654-4d2e-4628-956b-8c8b899471bb">Re: FMIL Problems - Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah, you've clearly never been to New Haven pizza places.  :-)
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

And you've never been to Mack and Manco's in Ocean City, NJ. :)

banana468

Obviously!!  Modern's where it's at!

sarah0725

I suggest you take a trip down the Jersey shore, m'dear. Your mind will be blown. I have been all over the place eating pizza, and nothing has ever matched that experience. It is transcendent.

acissej0786

If people get mad at you for not having alcohol at your RD I think the problem is their's not yours, especially since you are having it at an alcohol free place. If they really want to drink, maybe try inviting them to your house for a few drinks. Do what you feel comfortable with.