FMIL poll

*May10Mrs*

Did you involve your FMIL in the wedding planning process?

If so, in what ways?

Have a great day, ladies!

laurenclaire1386

Nope. She's not a planning kind of gal. I mean, if she acted interested past the point of "tell me what day and what time to show up," I'd include her, but she just does. not. care. Which is great by me.

jasmineh7777

As long as she shows up, on time, in something besides jeans and a t-shirt I will be happy.

bbyckes

FI's mom is none too interested.  I called her and told her a few of the details.  I'm actually glad she hasn't taken too much interest in the process.

temerityjane

No. I don't think she was included in the planning of Buddy's first wedding, either. His aunts, though, have expressed interest and a desire to help wherever possible, which isn't really possible since I'm getting married across the country from them. However, they are planning a road trip to visit us, during which I will take advantage of the fact that both have impeccable style, taste and cooking skills and drag them along to help me register. They are looking forward to it.

But not Buddy's mom. She's nice enough but has her own problems going on right now. Buddy's pretty distant from her and his younger brother and sister, anyway.

*May10Mrs*

That is the same feeling I get about my FMIL, laruenclaire. In the beginning she told me she hated all my ideas. Now that I have not talked to her about planning she hasn't said a word! ha. People are funny.

RachNRich

No. She's 1,200 miles away. For this reason, no one had gotten involved in the planning process. They all know what's going on---and are adding their opinions on the meals, etc., but no one is actually "helping."

ac_in_dc

Not too much. I'll give her updates when I see her, and got addresses from her and stuff.

But she lives far away and is pretty mellow--if she had shown a lot more interest I would have tried to make an effort to include her.

DH's parents did host the rehearsal dinner, but his dad did most of the work there.

qwerty777

Nope. She's very opinionated and doesn't like me, so she wouldn't really like anything I did.  Also, she told us long ago that someone asked her how the planning was coming, and she laughed and said it wasn't her wedding, so she's not planning it.  She's given us ideas and such, but otherwise she hasn't been involved in anything.  She is doing the Groom's Dinner though.

amlaplante

I live next door to my FMIL so it is pretty easy to include her. She is always giving me her two cents on things and has actually been a really great help. She is my connection to the women that is doing our catering and she has helped me with the logistics of people walking down the isle and how long to play prelude music for and such. Only down fall is she still won't leave FI alone about not including his brothers as groomsman even though they are going to be ushers.

I think you should try to get her involved in little areas. Even if it's helping pick out centerpieces or flowers. She would most likely appreciate it.

*May10Mrs*

Seems everyone is in the same boat I was trying to be nice in the beginning, but like most of you said with the distance and lack of interest, I am beginning to not feel too bad about not involving her in the planning.

opalsky007

Yes, because she was super excited, and would have been hurt by being left out of the details.She's very artsy-craftsy, so I took her along to visit the florist, to get ideas for decor and favors, etc.

BecW2be

Yes, but only because the wedding was in her yard and both MIL and FIL wanted to see plans and things. I still don't think they had any confidence in my ideas until the day before the wedding when it all started coming together. They both hated most of my ideas, and I compromised a lot of things (see the groom's cake that looked like the wedding cake that had to be cut at the exact same time).

I think she's still upset over my black bm dresses and the fact that I didn't toss a bouquet, but she got some things she wanted and we got some things we wanted, so it all turned out ok.

tlv204

Yeah actually I did.  Not as much as my own mom, but it was her first family wedding and I knew she was excited. She and her daughter (SIL) came dress shopping with me once, but overall I just kind of updated her whenever we booked or decided on something if she seemed curious.  Luckily, though, my MIL is not an overactive advice giver, so I listened to her suggestions, most of which were normal and helpful, but didn't have to deal with hurting her feelings if I didn't go with her idea. She and FIL also planned, hosted, and paid for the rehearsal dinner. They asked for our input on the menu and guest list, but they were really excited to make the decisions for that.

*May10Mrs*

Rach...stunning, beautiful, amazing dress! You look so pretty!

Nebb

No, she showed no interest the few times we did so we said screw it and stopped telling her anything or including her. She had a little hissy fit at the wedding because of it.

betrothed123

I tried, but MIL wasn't very interested in the planning aspect of it.  She said it was our wedding and to plan it the way we wanted it.  The only input she really had was going over the guest list to make sure we didn't leave anyone important off.

tlv204

Honestly I'm glad I included her, if only by keeping her updated on our plans, because I really think it brought us closer.  I mean we're not BFFs now or anything, but I just feel like we understand each other better and aren't quite as awkward and "omg have to be careful/polite/normal around the new family member" as we used to be. It's nice.

*May10Mrs*

Guess it is hard to please everyone. I keep telling myself all of this won't matter in five years I guess positive self talk is a must to keep a soon to be bride sane??? HA

mandysmear

I asked her her opinion on a lot of things.  How she felt about us not getting married in a church, etc.  She and my FIL did give us a bit of money to put towards the wedding, so I did want to include her.

She didn't really intervene much though.  She just let us do our thing for the most part.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e22775d9-e4af-4264-b396-6cf84086a2b0Post:c152112c-5ca3-4462-8c39-4ea4c7b01897">FMIL poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you involve your FMIL in the wedding planning process? If so, in what ways? Have a great day, ladies!
Posted by *May10Mrs*[/QUOTE]

I didn't at the start because I didn't know how to ask her to help or if she was interested.  When I finally needed help really badly in the last weeks before the wedding, she and my SIL stepped up and were AMAZING.  It's still kind of overwhelming looking back. 

They helped me shop for decorations, helped with the cake, decorated the night before (in no time flat), threw the rehearsal dinner the night before for everyone, and were just generally awesome and supportive, right down to coming with me to the dress shop to reassure me that my dress was awesome.  (It was, it's my fat ass that wasn't ;))

sarah0725

Yes, definitely. I'm still a year and a half out, so there's not much planning going on yet other than inside my head, but we're getting married in an area that my FMIL knows really well. She'll either be making or altering my dress, depending on whether I buy a dress from somewhere or not. She's also my connection to her two very creative sisters, who are going to be helping out with decor. We have a good relationship, and it's nice to be able to work with each other on things.

danieliza1127

I shared my ideas along the way with my MIL and she came dress shopping with me, my Mom, and my MOH when I shopped for wedding dresses.  We're pretty close though.  As far as asking for her ideas or going to vendors with her or anything, no but I did share my plans and ideas with her.

MeaghanandMichael

Mostly I nodded, listened, screamed on the inside, and ignored her.

She did FORCE me to let her decorate the church railing in tulle though, which I allowed because it really did not make a difference in the end.

*May10Mrs*

Interesting to see everyones answers Thanks!

Seems it just depends on the FMIL and how it goes. Kuddos to those who involved them in the planning and it brought them closer together! That is great.

*May10Mrs*

That is great wadingmoose! Great story. I guess when it's crunch time you can tell who is really interested in helping! Beautiful dress BTW!

SarahPLiz

Not at all. She doesn't care. She just wants me to pop out some grandkids.

She is depressed and alcoholic and sad all the time. So not interested in party planning

**Mutley**

Yes.  She was fairly involved.  Our wedding was in DH's hometown.  Since it is a small town, most of our vendors knew her and were that much more accomodating.
She asked me what she could do, but gave us the space to do what we wanted.  If there was anything she wanted to add, she cleared it with us first and then paid for it. 

She definitely went above and beyond considering she is not a craft person and hates ironing.  She helped me and my mom assemble programs, place cards, and favors.  She ironed all of the tableclothes (cheaper to buy them online than to rent.)  She took care of organizing the bar/bartenders, limo, and several other details.

I know that I am truly lucky when it comes to MILs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I try to, but she lives 3,000 miles away. When we visited over Thanksgiving I showed her the BM dresses I was interested in, told her our colors, etc.

aMrsin09

My MIL was literally 1/2 a world away and dying of cancer.  No one knew if she was going to make it to the wedding, so while she didn't help plan it, I made sure to email here our venues, ideas, pictures of my drss, flower ideas, the invitations etc.  She didn't make it to the wedding, but she loved knowing what it was all going to look like.

*May10Mrs*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e22775d9-e4af-4264-b396-6cf84086a2b0Post:c45e1a13-468c-452e-a53e-3eecfcb2bd74">Re: FMIL poll</a>:
[QUOTE]I try to, but she lives 3,000 miles away. When we visited over Thanksgiving I showed her the BM dresses I was interested in, told her our colors, etc.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I told my FMIL my colors and she said, oh GROSS, I hate that color...ha, kinda  threw me off :) lol.