Wedding Etiquette Forum

Need some advice on our unusual situation!

We got engaged 9/2011, hoping to get married in 12/2012 when he returned from Afghanistan. After thinking about everything, we decided to go to the courthouse and get married :) We're so happy, but we both would still like the whole wedding experience. Can we still do that? Is it tacky and inappropriate? We'd love a Catholic wedding and there is a priest that is more than happy to do a ceremony. Mostly, we'd just like to do small wedding with a bigger reception to celebrate with our families.I just need some guidance on this!  

Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!

  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Well, that's usually considered to be a vow renewal. Which means no registries or showers.

    If you are going to do a small wedding (immediate family only) Then you are probably good to have a bigger reception.

    ETA: Once you get into aunts,uncles, cousins coming to the ceremony. Having a bigger reception would be considered a tiered reception and that would be very rude.
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  • Yes, that's totally unusual.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • I'd skip registries, showers, and a bridal party or basically anything that involves other people putting themselves out for you because you're already married. Otherwise, I would have no problem attending your vow renewal and reception. 
  • well, it's not a usual situation, is it?
  • thank you liatris! i'd never thought of that! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:7e9e1b1d-6e29-4434-b7bd-c901acf8c754">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, it's not a usual situation, is it?
    Posted by laceyed[/QUOTE]

    <div>It is a fairly common situation, yes.</div><div>
    </div><div>agree with PPs- convalidation is acceptable, giant wedding is not.  No bach party, showers, etc. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you're planning to have a small ceremony and larger reception this is only okay if the ceremony is IMMEDIATE family only.  Not aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, etc.  Once you have more than parents, grandparents and siblings it is a tiered reception which is terribly rude.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:7e9e1b1d-6e29-4434-b7bd-c901acf8c754">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, it's not a usual situation, is it?
    Posted by laceyed[/QUOTE]


    It is, actually. People get married quickly for all sorts of reasons- medical insurance and military (like you) as well as simply not being able to wait any longer.

    I agree with everything Lia said.

    Congrats on the marriage!
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  • People even JOP so they can bang it out without the guilt.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • can you explain what a tiered reception is? i'm so new at all of this! :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:1ec6ca33-e38e-4d61-bde9-b1e03bfe25f1">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]People even JOP so they can bang it out without the guilt.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]


    Best answer of the night. JK you made my boxing day complete!
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  • Tiered reception is where some guests are invited to only part of the wedding event.

    A small ceremony and a large reception or vice versa is an example of this.

    Or some people invite guest to the "dance" part of the reception, but not to dinner.

    Its tacky.
  • edited December 2011
    CMGr, that's the most helpful info! Thank you for clarifying the tiered reception definition. I would never split up my reception as to who is welcome at what parts!
  • Good point Banana! =]

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  • I guess where I live is odd... This is really common around here. The last 2 weddings (I guess they're not weddings?) were like this. One was because my friend's FI was going into the military and since they had a daughter they got married for her benefit, and for the other one, my FI's cousin has a heart condition and didn't have insurance. It was getting really bad and the bills were close to $15,000 so two months before the wedding they got married for that reason.

    Both cases everyone considered it a real wedding, the only difference is there wasn't a marriage license to sign. They both wore a big white dress, had their fathers give them away, and did everything else you would expect at a wedding. People understood why they got married before hand and were not offended.

    That being said, the group I hang out with is completely laid back and not concerened with formality. Good luck deciding what to do! =]

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy..."

    Harry on Sirus to the Dursleys. HP Prisoner of Azkaban
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:f44eed61-1fad-464e-9054-c549f51084f4">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess where I live is odd... This is really common around here. The last 2 weddings (I guess they're not weddings?) were like this. One was because my friend's FI was going into the military and since they had a daughter they got married for her benefit, and for the other one, my FI's cousin has a heart condition and didn't have insurance. It was getting really bad and the bills were close to $15,000 so two months before the wedding they got married for that reason. Both cases everyone considered it a real wedding, the only difference is there wasn't a marriage license to sign. They both wore a big white dress, had their fathers give them away, and did everything else you would expect at a wedding. People understood why they got married before hand and were not offended. <strong>That being said, the group I hang out with is completely laid back and not concerened with formality.</strong> Good luck deciding what to do! =]
    Posted by Britoz[/QUOTE]


    I think your wording there is off.  Plenty of people are laid back and not concerned with formality.  But that really has nothing to do with the scenarios that you described.     In both cases, they were creating do-overs and it appears that the guests rolled with the punches. 

    It can be completely improper AND formal at the same time. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:3e743516-8ad8-440b-a627-812f759c6ab2">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I were you I would do a co-validation in the church and then have a celebration. To me, vow renewals happen after decades of marriage, and it sounds like you are newlyweds (congrats!!!!), so a renewal of something so new seems silly to me. Agree with NOLA about all the trimmings.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]


    I agree.  I might have overlooked this but why are you going to the courthouse and then having a wedding ceremony and reception?  If anything you should only have a ceremony.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-unusual-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e247bc2b-d601-4c90-b3fc-7929c001ba34Post:1a2ab006-ce77-4a20-985e-83deb8e38846">Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need some advice on our unusual situation! : I agree.  I might have overlooked this but why are you going to the courthouse and then having a wedding ceremony and reception?  If anything you should only have a ceremony.
    Posted by green6[/QUOTE]

    <div>we went to the courthouse before his deployment and were discussing celebration options for when he returns. </div>
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