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XP: regret inviting or not inviting?

Sorry for the cross post, if you've read it before, pls don't continue...

We're getting married about 8 hours away from where we live, so it's a moderate destination for folks. I have six friends, fun pals, who i'm on the fence about inviting. They are very fun friends to go out with, but we're not soulmate/best friends. I wouldn't turn to them in a crisis, but they would be on my short list of friends to have a drink with. Our guest list is already larger than my fiance would like. Do i invite these folks and risk the party being a little to large, or skip them and feel like some fun friends were missing?

Would love your advice. Guest list is abut 280, assuming some can't travel, we're shooting for 150-180 at reception

Thanks so much!

Re: XP: regret inviting or not inviting?

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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    Can you pay for 286 and can you seat 286?
    If the answer is yes to both, sure, invite them.
    If the answer is no to either, don't.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    If we only invited people we would turn to in a crisis to our wedding, it would have been about 5 people. However, if your fiance is concerned about the guest list (who is paying for this, by the way?) then it may be best to leave them off. You need to plan for 100% attendance. Never "assume" people won't come/travel. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    You should always assume 100% attendance, even if its 8 hours away.  You just never know.  I would currently leave off the ladies you mention only for the reason that you are currently over the number of people who you could afford.  What happens if your current 280 all say they are coming, are you able to afford them?  Hoping that 100+ people will not attend your wedding, for budget sake, is not a good strategy.
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    thanks guys - we can afford the extra people, my biggest concern is not having time to spend with people there. I tend to over-invite to events, and then get overwhelmed. As I'm writing this, I'm swinging back toward not inviting them.

    Thanks again, I appreciate the time and advice.

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    If they are #281 + on your invite list my initial thought is they were not important enough to be further up the list and your day will still be great w/o them there.  I could see if you were under budget, but considering you are already 100 people over budget it doesn't seem like its a smart to move to keep adding people.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-regret-inviting-or-not-inviting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24b8fd1-9913-4e9e-801b-fcdb32d3de58Post:5c9ebd67-aa66-433b-a590-b033b0dec1b7">Re: XP: regret inviting or not inviting?</a>:
    [QUOTE]thanks guys - we can afford the extra people, my biggest concern is not having time to spend with people there. I tend to over-invite to events, and then get overwhelmed. As I'm writing this, I'm swinging back toward not inviting them. Thanks again, I appreciate the time and advice.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    I agree, that if they weren't further up on your list, then don't add them, especially if your concern isn't $, but wanting to spend time with people.  We only had 100 ppl, and I know there were a few that I didn't get to talk to and I feel terrible about it, so I can only imagine 280.  But, we also took the route of making sure to visit people who had traveled and that we don't see often, so that did mean a few of the people we didn't actually really talk to at our wedding, were our local friends that we see every other week.  So, I guess that would be my advice if you do invite them.

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    If you can afford to have them and would like them to come, then invite them.  You're already at 280, I don't think another 6 (although include SOs if any of them have SOs) isn't going to make it feel that much bigger.  

    I think you should consider whether this could affect your relationship with them going forward.  You're not having a small wedding, so not inviting them could send a message that you really don't feel that close to them, which is fine, just know that that's how it comes across.  
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    beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2013
    I agree that you shouldn't invite them if you can't accommodate them or are already worried about the size of the guest list. I completely understand that 280 (even 150) is a pretty large group. But - that being said - I'd probably be a little upset if I were that friend. I have a group of friends that I pretty regularly go out with and have drinks, but have rarely, if ever, called them to do something other than go to the bar or dinner. We will absolutely invite them to our wedding. I would be kind of upset if I were not invited to theirs. Yes, I would quickly get over it and no I would never say anything about it or let it really bother me, but it would sting a little. Not that that means I'm saying invite them...this was just my first thought. Plus, a party group loves a wedding. 
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