Separate Ceremony (Destination) and Reception STDs?

bantamkelly

We are having a small destination wedding at the beach with just our immediate family and then we are planning on having a reception for our extended family and friends the following weekend, at my FMIL's house.  I'm not quite sure what the wording should be on save the dates...??  Do I send STD's for the ceremony and then also send STDs for the reception?  Is that what I do with the invitations too?  Help please!

redheadfsu

1. You must have a reception for those that attend your ceremony. Even if it is you just buying them dinner at a nearby restaurant.

2. The second reception is called an at home reception; however, everyone invited should be invited to the ceremony too.

3. If the ceremony is private and the later party is larger it is a party in honor of your recent wedding (not a wedding reception, just a party thrown after your recent wedding). Just tone down the wedding-ish stuff (don't have a first dance, cake cutting, garter toss, etc.)

4. Send save the dates for the wedding & reception only as that is the part that require travel plans. Then just send invites for the party in honor of your wedding.

MyUserName1

redhead is wise.

gananoque

if it's just immediate family at the DW it seems a bit weird to send formal STDs, no? surely anyone invited to such an intimate event will already know when it's taking place. if you want to go ahead with the formality of invites for parents & siblings by all means, go for it.

but I would skip the STDs altogether!

AdeleDazeem

We did a destination wedding for 12 people.  We sent them STDs, invites and had a dinner reception there.

A month later, we had an AHR with 125 guests.  We sent separate STDs and invites just for the AHR.

As long as your DW is truly private (immediate family only - parents, siblings, grandparents and SOs ONLY, <20 people) then you're okay etiquette-wise. 

Some people will not like how you've set this up no matter what you do.  We knew this and were prepared.

I also agree with RedHead that you need to tone down the wedding stuff.  I wore my dress for an hour, then changed.  We only did cake cutting.  Everything else was just a fun party.

skantrowitz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_separate-ceremony-destination-reception-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e28b159a-3550-49e0-84e7-b9ec5274ceeaPost:07c5ea6d-118e-4c84-a681-267501ec9170">Re: Separate Ceremony (Destination) and Reception STDs?</a>:
[QUOTE]We did a destination wedding for 12 people.  We sent them STDs, invites and had a dinner reception there. A month later, we had an AHR with 125 guests.  We sent separate STDs and invites just for the AHR. As long as your DW is truly private (immediate family only - parents, siblings, grandparents and SOs ONLY, <20 people) then you're okay etiquette-wise.  Some people will not like how you've set this up no matter what you do.  We knew this and were prepared. I also agree with RedHead that you need to tone down the wedding stuff.  I wore my dress for an hour, then changed.  We only did cake cutting.  Everything else was just a fun party.
Posted by
Joy2611[/QUOTE]



I agree. If the destination wedding is truly private, I don't think receptions after are tacky (unless you re-enact the ceremony, that's weird). A lot of people on these boards disagree with me, though.

gananoque

I don't at all think that parties after small & intimate DWs are tacky. I've attended plenty and am always happy to celebrate with my friends.

However, I strongly disagree with the suggestion to bring lots of video & photos of the main event! DON'T do this! People don't care about seeing extensive footage of an event to which they were not invited. Honestly, most people don't give a cr*p about other people's wedding photos at all. I think this is a totally bad idea.

If you want to have a private wedding, have a private wedding. Then only talk about it and share photos & stories about it with the folks you deemed worthy to invite in the first place.

If it is so important to a B&G that everyone see their special dress, hear their vows, see the flowers, etc., etc... they should invite these people to their wedding. You can't have it both ways.

wrdgirl

Here's a thought:

Send an STD to those invited to the ceremony.  Send a separate STD to everyone invited to the reception (including those that are going to witness the ceremony).

Who cares what the wording will be.  If you want to call the latter a wedding reception that is fine.  I think it's pretty ridiculous people are still hung up on being PC.