New "engagement" ring???

kmd0501 · October 2012

So I had to drop my ring off for its inspection the other day and while I waited I browsed for some wedding bands. The jeweler and myself were having such a hard time finding a band to match the setting of my engagement ring, even though it was bought in the same store. The jeweler suggested trading in my old setting to get a different one and maybe even a bridal set that had both the engagment setting and wedding band. Well that got me thinking....because I honestly have never liked my engagment setting to begin with. I know that sounds terrible to say but FH took me shopping and wanted every detail of what I wanted down to serial numbers and we did that and he got something COMPLETELY NOT ME!! Apparently people do this all the time and the jeweler would refund the original price paid of my engagment setting if we upgrade at least double the price (which isnt bad considering it would be for both engagement and bridal bands). I have started looking in several other stores and have been told the band is too vintage and unique looking and I would most likely have to get a custom band if I wanted and exact match but I don't want to upset FH. He does know my feelings about my current ring but I'm not exactly sure how to proceed? Any suggestions? Anyone ever trade in their first ring....how did youf eel?

AMYM312 · October 2012

I have a pear shaped ring and no regular bands look good within so we are getting one custom made. Have you looked into pricing? Might be less expensive than getting a whole new setting.

Summer2011Bride · October 2012

My concern would be your FI's feelings, like you said. What have you told him so far, when you say he knows your feelings? I just know my H would've been really hurt if I said, "Sorry, I don't like the ring you picked out for me and would like a new one." I mean, you want to love your ring if you're going to be wearing it every day, but I would still not want to hurt his feelings.

Can you look around at other stores for wedding bands? You don't HAVE to get it at the same place, and perhaps a different band than what you've been seeing might make you like the pairing better.

kmd0501 · October 2012

So the general price I have gotten for a custom band starts at about $1000. We would be able to trade in my band now and get the set i love for only $800 so its definitely a better deal. And FH knows that basically I hate my band. I've never been a brat about it and I've tried my best to respect that this is the ring he thinks I should wear for the rest of my life but I just cannot get over how much I really just hate it. He caught me crying one day and I finally just told him. I kinda felt like he should know. It's not me at all and the first few months we were engaged I couldn't look at it without bursting into tears. It got better as people complimented me on it and fused over it (strangers...not people I knew that were trying to make me feel better) but its still not what I like. Its very "vintage" and now everytime I hear someone use that word to describe anything I literally feel my stomach ball up and get upset. I just want something that looks nice, reflects MY personality and maes FH happy at the same time. I think its just doubly upsetting that he took me shopping for what i wanted then just disregarded it totally. It felt something like telling a kid hes getting a puppy for christmas then giving him a cardboard box. I know how terrible this all sounds and I promise I have not been a brat about it but now that its getting time to start shopping for bands I don't know that I can hear that word again or pretend that I am overjoyed at looking for something to compliment a ring I'm not totally in love with to start

StephBeanWed61502 · October 2012

What about just finding a band you love, and wearing your e-ring on your other hand? My friend has an e-ring she's not wild about, and after the wedding, she moved it to her right hand for a while, then just slowly kind of stopped wearing it except on special occasions (it helps that she works in a place where she can't really wear it at work anyway).

NOLAbridealmost · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2d9aad7-dcec-4893-9260-a19de94f72fdPost:1a9ac968-eaa0-4fb2-8c99-550b1d3989b2">Re: New "engagement" ring???</a>:
[QUOTE]So the general price I have gotten for a custom band starts at about $1000. We would be able to trade in my band now and get the set i love for only $800 so its definitely a better deal. And FH knows that basically I hate my band. I've never been a brat about it and I've tried my best to respect that this is the ring he thinks I should wear for the rest of my life but I just cannot get over how much I really just hate it. He caught me crying one day and I finally just told him. I kinda felt like he should know. It's not me at all and the first few months we were engaged I couldn't look at it without bursting into tears. It got better as people complimented me on it and fused over it (strangers...not people I knew that were trying to make me feel better) but its still not what I like. Its very "vintage" and now everytime I hear someone use that word to describe anything I literally feel my stomach ball up and get upset. I just want something that looks nice, reflects MY personality and maes FH happy at the same time. <strong> I think its just doubly upsetting that he took me shopping for what i wanted then just disregarded it totally. </strong>It felt something like telling a kid hes getting a puppy for christmas then giving him a cardboard box. I know how terrible this all sounds and I promise I have not been a brat about it but now that its getting time to start shopping for bands I don't know that I can hear that word again or pretend that I am overjoyed at looking for something to compliment a ring I'm not totally in love with to start
Posted by kmd0501[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I completely agree with you there. WTF was up with that??? God, if nothing else that gives you way more leeway to suggest switching rings because it's not like it should be coming as a surprise to him that what he picked wasn't what you'd want. </div><div>
</div><div>Honestly, I would say something to FH about wanting to change rings. My H and I have that sort of relationship; I know he'd rather me be happy with my jewelry than just 'suck it up' to spare his feelings. In fact, we exchanged a necklace that he got me for our first anniversary because it just wasn't something that I'd be able to wear regularly. </div><div>
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hoffse · October 2012

I think the fact that the jeweler is going to require you to double price is a bit unreasonable. Our jeweler will upgrade as long as the upgrade is $1 more than the original price we paid. That was one of the reasons we went there though - we have no intention of upgrading my e-ring, but we tend to shop for certain types of things at the same place over and over again, and we wanted to establish a relationship with a jeweler where we could upgrade easily for future items.

That said, if you really hate it and your FI knows this, I don't see a problem in switching them out, as long as it's a price you can afford comfortably.

kerbohl · October 2012

Don't feel like a brat about this! It took me a while to like my engagement ring (and there were a few tears shed about it too) since it was almost exactly the same as the promise ring he gave me, and I had wanted something different since I wanted to wear both. I went the route of not changing what he got me, but if you really like this new set and it is cheaper, as long as FI is okay with it, I would think that would be fine. As for the jeweler - it does sound like he is out to make a buck, but if it is worth it and you still think you are getting a good deal, I'd go for it.

kmd0501 · October 2012

Thanks ladies! The only reason I mention "the jeweler" is because its a personal friend who knows how much I hate my ring. And as for the double price, that's Jared's policy but it ends up that we'd only be spending 1600 for my engagement setting AND band, which I think is a good deal. But I'm glad I'm not the only one to ever hate my ring.