Wedding Etiquette Forum

MIL invited guests... who invites guests

I'm sure something like this has happened to several people... advice or similar stories (for therapy, lol) would be fine. :)
 
We're a month out for the wedding, and MIL said that one of her friends "was in tears" wondering where her wedding invitation was. Neither my Fi or I know this woman - Fi met her once years ago when he was in high school briefly, but she doesn't keep contact and doesn't really know us. We explained to MIL that we would try and make space for this one person, but she had to understand it could be only one as we were already overbooked on our venue and were already getting quite close to the wedding. (and not to mention none of this was brought up months ago when we composed the guest list). "OK," she says...

A few days later I get a voicemail that it's actually 3 ladies, and here's their address. Fi calls her back and let's her know we don't have space, as we previously discussed. She ignores his call... until Thanksgiving... where she decides to (in the middle of dinner, no less) yell at us for how rude we are and we cannot uninvite someone. When we remind her that we didn't invite them, and that we told her we had no space, she proceeds to tell us that doesn't matter, and if we don't want them there then we have to call them and uninvite them. Oh, and did I mention she isn't paying for anything? Fi and I are paying for it all...

We let the issue sit for a while, hoping she'll smooth it out. I just received the RSVP back for this one person. We had carefully put "we have reserved one seat in your honor", then included her name and a "can come/can't come" box. She CROSSED OUT one seat and put two and then wrote in a guest. I don't know this person, but I suspect she didn't come up with the idea of doing that on her own, and that MIL said something to encourage. She's not too old that she needs an escort (or we would figure something out). I'm totally apalled that someone could be so rude as to do that. When I first heard the story about how sad this woman was I briefly considered that maybe she really did just want to share in our day... but to me this incident just screams she wants free food. I'm especially angry that MIL went behind our backs. Now we have to call MIL and argue with her and call this guest and tell her no as well.

Friend of mine suggested we offer to have a private celebration with his MIL and her friend (and her guest) at a later date if they'd like since we can't accomodate at the wedding. I like the solution of taking my MIL far out into the desert and leaving her there....

Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests

  • I need you to sum all of that up in a paragraph.
  • I think the desert idea is your best solution Tongue out

    Stick to your guns and guest list.
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  • I gave in and read the whole thing. You need to call her and inform this person that only one seat is reserved. While you'd love for her to have a guest, you can only accomodate her.

    We ran into this problem. People were pretty easy to back down about it.

    And when they weren't, I just didn't care. I stood my ground.
  • Whoa, that was long.

    I'd make FI deal with FMIL. As long as he's taking care of things, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about her.Kiss
  • C. Notes: FMIL is not paying but keeps inviting people even though they're overbooked
  • Tell FMIL she is welcome to give up her own seat at the reception to her friend's guest if she is concerned about hurt feelings.
  • [QUOTE]Tell FMIL she is welcome to give up her own seat at the reception to her friend's guest if she is concerned about hurt feelings.
    Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

    <div>Aww snap.  Kati is brilliant.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-invited-guests-invites-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2ecfc4f-4f96-4f18-9be5-423279a4bfe3Post:9197d672-f5d9-400f-ab22-456b1b235264">Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell FMIL she is welcome to give up her own seat at the reception to her friend's guest if she is concerned about hurt feelings.
    Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

    This, exactly. I wouldn't trust MIL to call this person and tell her that her guest cannot be accomodated, though. Unfortunately, that is going to have to fall on either you or your FI. My vote is your FI.
  • You've already been incredibly generous by inviting this person. Get her number from MIL and call her to explain you are unable to accomodate additional guests. I wouldn't trust MIL to handle this at all.
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  • Lol...good call... I would love for MIL to not show up :)

    And my apologies, I should have warned you that it was long.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-invited-guests-invites-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2ecfc4f-4f96-4f18-9be5-423279a4bfe3Post:9197d672-f5d9-400f-ab22-456b1b235264">Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell FMIL she is welcome to give up her own seat at the reception to her friend's guest if she is concerned about hurt feelings.
    Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

    Brilliant.  And then call the lady with the write in and tell her you're sorry, you're unable to accomodate her guest. 
    DIY & Planning | Married 

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-invited-guests-invites-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2ecfc4f-4f96-4f18-9be5-423279a4bfe3Post:9197d672-f5d9-400f-ab22-456b1b235264">Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell FMIL she is welcome to give up her own seat at the reception to her friend's guest if she is concerned about hurt feelings.
    Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]


    I think I'm getting to like kati more and more each post
  • I would absolutely not let the guest of the person I didn't even know come to the wedding.

    I can't beleive people actually do this. she actually crossed it out?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Yup - crossed it out and handwrote in...

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-invited-guests-invites-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2ecfc4f-4f96-4f18-9be5-423279a4bfe3Post:09a6c2b8-1556-4516-adab-7717d3974180">Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]You've already been incredibly generous by inviting this person. Get her number from MIL and call her to explain you are unable to accomodate additional guests. I wouldn't trust MIL to handle this at all.
    Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]

    What she said.
    image Married and Junk.
  • BOOO too the MIL!  Sorry for all the stress and drama you have to put up with. 
  • i can't believe someone woud do that. call her and tell her no, plain and simple. explain to her that she was invited per the request of FMIL, and space is limited and you only have one seat availible as you are already over booked.
  • Are you two hosting or are your parents?

    Even if they aren't, this is the time that having a friend who isn't afraid of dirty work can come in handy.

    All the friend needs to do is play the game,

    "Hi so and so, I'm calling on behalf of the tengma07 and FI wedding.  Your response card was received but regretfully the additions cannot be accomodated.  Shall I tell the hosts that you will still be able to attend as a solo guest?"

    And if the friend can't, see if one of your parents can do it.  If not, just play ignorant if she brings it up but under no circumstances cave.

    FWIW, I wouldn't go back to MIL with this.  She obviously couldn't be trusted in the first place.  Why trust her now?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-invited-guests-invites-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2ecfc4f-4f96-4f18-9be5-423279a4bfe3Post:33a5a69a-46a0-4799-b80c-63b60734ed3f">Re: MIL invited guests... who invites guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you two hosting or are your parents? Even if they aren't, this is the time that having a friend who isn't afraid of dirty work can come in handy. All the friend needs to do is play the game, "Hi so and so, I'm calling on behalf of the tengma07 and FI wedding.  Your response card was received but regretfully the additions cannot be accomodated.  Shall I tell the hosts that you will still be able to attend as a solo guest?" And if the friend can't, see if one of your parents can do it.  If not, just play ignorant if she brings it up but under no circumstances cave. FWIW, I wouldn't go back to MIL with this.  She obviously couldn't be trusted in the first place.  Why trust her now?
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
    Ah hell, if THIS is the plan, give me the number and I'll call.  I have no problem being a bitch.
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