Question about potential wedding conflict

GJones27

I need some advice.  I just received happy news that our koumbaros just got engaged.  (A koumbaros is the Orthodox Christian version of a best man, but he is more involved in the couple's life, as he becomes the godfather of your first child.)  We have been communicating via email, and he notified me that they're thinking of having their wedding over New Year's.  However, that may very well conflict with a second wedding reception FI and I are having.  We're getting married later this month, but we are having a second reception back in FI's home country of Brazil for those who can't make it.  We hadn't set an exact date yet, as we've been so busy with the May wedding.  But it will have to be after Christmas over the holidays due to FI being in grad school.

The question is, should I tell the koumbaros?  I don't know if I'm invited, but I likely will be.  I want to do everything possible to be there.  But I don't want to be perceived as demanding or "inviting myself" by suggesting it, especially when the our date isn't known yet.  But I think the koumbaros forgot we're having a second reception, and maybe he'll feel disappointed if we didn't warn him.  I could tell him at our wedding at the end of this month, but it may be too late by then.  Any suggestions?

hlq2011

I think it's okay to mention it, or have your FI mention it.

jessicabessica

I would mention that you are planning a trip to Brazil with a second reception, and New Years was one of the dates you were thinking about.  I do think that if they want to do their wedding on New Years, it's up to you to decide whether to think of another date (it doesn't sound like you have any firm commitments yet) or not attend this wedding, it's not on them to schedule around you. 

You could just say something like, "I don't know if you've really thought about guest lists yet, but H and I are trying to schedule our trip and party in Brazil, so we were wondering if you are thinking of having a larger wedding, and if so, should we should tentatively save any dates."  It sounds like you guys are close, so I don't think it's too presumptious to inquire for a practical reason like this. 

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-potential-wedding-conflict?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3b09dc2-4c48-4af9-9de0-155ee914194aPost:bae0d446-b348-49f6-acfd-641dcabb5223">Re: Question about potential wedding conflict</a>:
[QUOTE]I would mention that you are planning a trip to Brazil with a second reception, and New Years was one of the dates you were thinking about.  I do think that if they want to do their wedding on New Years, it's up to you to decide whether to think of another date (it doesn't sound like you have any firm commitments yet) or not attend this wedding, it's not on them to schedule around you.  You could just say something like, <strong>"I don't know if you've really thought about guest lists yet, but H and I are trying to schedule our trip and party in Brazil, so we were wondering if you are thinking of having a larger wedding, and if so, should we should tentatively save any dates."  It sounds like you guys are close, so I don't think it's too presumptious to inquire for a practical reason like this. 
</strong>Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

This.

This. 

mespence47

Their first wedding trumps your second reception, so I would say that you get to change. Not them. 

I don't mean that to sound mean, it's just true.